Spicing Up Sex Life

Dear T,

So I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year now, and I’m starting to feel a little bored with our sex life. How can I spice things up? I love him and want to make this work, but I’m tired of the usual. Please help.


Spice Things up

Dear Spice Things Up,

Thanks for messaging me, and congrats on your year long relationship.  Intimacy in a relationship is very important for a lot of people.  When it starts to fade, it’s natural to become a little concerned.  I won’t go into a lot here, so let’s just skip ahead to my suggestions.

Going forward here are my suggestions.

  1. If you and your boyfriend can afford it, take a weekend trip somewhere. There is nothing like getting a nice hotel and changing up the scenery.  Check out for some deals.  On the trip, take some wine (or your drinks of choice) and have a good “sex” music playlist.
  1. In terms of a playlist, it’s important to change it up every so often. One can only be put in the mood by Trey Songz “Panty Droppa” or Beyoncé’s “Rocket” so many times before it gets a little stale LOL.  There is an app called 8tracks, and you can find playlists that put you in the mood there.  If you don’t find a playlist you like, you can develop an account via the site, and create your own playlist.  Best part about the app is it’s free.
  1. You two should find out what quirks get the other one going. Trying not to tell too much about myself, it gets me going when a partner shows up in an A-shirt (better known to some as a wife beater), black boxer briefs, wheat Timberland boots, and a fitted cap.  Something about that combination really revs me up.  For some people, black socks and basketball shorts is a trigger.  For others, it’s sexy underwear.  It’s your job to find out his quirk, and his to find yours.  You can make it easy on him, and mention it briefly in simple conversation.
  1. Try new places. Even if you can’t afford a trip right now, sex doesn’t have to stay in the four walls of your bedroom.  Try doing some things in the living room or in the bathroom shower.  Heck try a kitchen counter top.  But if you do the latter, let bleach and Lysol be your best friends afterwards.
  1. Try new positions. Look, I don’t know the top/bottom dynamics in your relationship, but there are several positions each role can try.  And neither one of you should be selfish all the time, and make one do all the work. NO lazy bottoms or tops.
  1. Sex toys may help too. Dildos, handcuffs, and other toys can spice things up.  You can thumb through Amazon and see what they offer.
  1. Make sure to wrap it up whenever you all do your do.

As always, nothing but love.

Best Regards,


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2 thoughts on “Spicing Up Sex Life”

  1. Deeply in Love says:

    These are great suggestions! I’m going to try myself

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