Attention my fellow millennials. I clearly wrote this post with you all in mind. As a millennial myself, I feel completely qualified in criticizing the mistakes our generation makes when it comes to dating. Well, with first dates in particular. While I’m sure I could compile a list of more than five things, I think the following is sufficient. And like always, please remember my platform is meant to help not hurt. So let’s get started.
I came across your content on Instagram, and I loved it. You say some good stuff that’s definitely on point. The question I have for you today is about hoeing. I’ve been dating this guy for about two months, and recently we decided to become exclusive. I really like him. Like a lot. He’s almost my dream guy. He’s fine, financially stable, great body, funny, and we have a lot in common. The problem is, I think he used to be a huge hoe. Scratch that, I know he used to be a hoe. In so many words, he kind of said that.
At first I didn’t care about his past as much, because it was his past and everyone has one, including me. However, I think his past is bothering me now because when we go out to spots it seems he always knows someone, and the someone is usually a person he has hooked up with apparently. Plus, we follow each other on Instagram and every time he posts a selfie or something, I look at his comments and a part of me becomes insecure. I hate that because I’m not an insecure person. So I guess my actual question, is what do I do? How do I stay in this relationship and not drive myself crazy.
Mr. Worried but Not Worried
Nice site. I’m a fan of the advice you give. It’s good advice but not too harsh. Anyway, hoping you can help me to figure out what to do with my boyfriend. He makes me feel like I’m competing with all of Instagram. I get that he’s really proud of his body transformation, but why does he have to post his body so much? At first I didn’t mind, but now I’m starting to feel some type of way. Like he can’t save some stuff for my eyes only. Everyone one doesn’t need to see what he looks like in underwear and what his print looks like. We are in a committed relationship and if he’s committed to me, why does he need to advertise for someone else? I don’t care what he says about it being for the sake of leg day pics or whatever, it’s inviting thots to blow up his inbox. By the way, I’ve asked him to chill with those kind of posts, and he kind of brushed me off. Told me I have nothing to worry about. Anyway, what do I here short of backhanding him and reporting all his photos on Instagram?
No Prude But
I’m going to share with you my problem, but I’m hoping you don’t judge me too harshly. So I’m trying to talk to this guy I met at a party over MLK Weekend. When we met, we just really vibed. Not to mention, he is sexy. The body, the voice, he’s just got himself put together. Since meeting, we’ve been texting and talking on the phone. It’s been great. That is until we decided to follow each other on Instagram. This guy has like 20,000 followers which kind of bothers me. He doesn’t own a small business, he’s not an entertainer, he doesn’t model, and he’s not a personal trainer. In my head, I’m like why in the hell does he have that many followers?
I keep thinking that a guy with that many followers has a lot of hoes in his DM, and I refuse to be a person in his hoe-tation. My best friend told me I’m overthinking the situation, but I’d hate to talk more and more to this guy, date him, and then get in a relationship with him, only to find out I’ve been competing with other guys on social media. What are your thoughts?
-Lite Brite Rob
I putting out a challenge for personal elevation. Stop concerning yourself with every person that throws you shade. Let go of your pressing desire to return petty for petty. And please do yourself a favor, and tap into your ability to turn the other cheek. I’ve come to learn, that sometimes in your effort to seek revenge against someone you think that has wronged you, you are mostly likely accomplishing two things. One, you’ll be wasting time. The time you spend plotting and scheming on someone, is time you won’t ever get back. It could be better spent on your dreams and hustles, but instead you will be giving it someone that won’t contribute to your bank account or happiness. Second, when you seek out revenge, you are allowing whoever wronged you to further consume your energy. You give them expressed permission and consent to continue to antagonize you. Not to mention, you prop them up to a position in your life they don’t need to have.
Not sure if you’ve answered this question before and I missed it, but I’m going to ask. I’m not necessarily in a relationship, but dating and hoping to get in one soon. Not that I mind being technically single, I just want my bae. Anyway, me and my God brother, who does have a man, were talking about how upset he gets about his boyfriend being on Instagram and Snapchat. Not that he’s on the apps, but that he’s always posting body pics. He started working out heavy about 5 months ago, and I’ll admit he definitely bulked up something fine. So now I guess he likes showing off his progress. He’s posted his arms, back, chest, and even legs. Although, he had to stop with the leg pics because my God brother went off about him posting pics in his underwear. I tried to tell him that posting pics aren’t that big deal, but he’s convinced that folks will DM his man and that will lead to cheating.
Meanwhile, my God brother vents often vents on Instagram whenever he and his boo have an argument. I told him to stop that, but he is stubborn and doesn’t listen. Bringing this around to why I wrote you. How do you think social media should play a role in relationships? Looking forward to hearing from you.
Jimmy Jones 93
In this day and age when people broadcast their life on a daily basis across Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat, I find more folks living their lives through a green lens. I mean people are in a constant state of envy because the stories and pictures they come across showing ripped bodies, great jobs, picturesque relationships, and overall “fabulous” lives. And before you convince yourself that you’ve never been the envious type, think about those times you came across a profile and said, “Oh he got a few muscles now and thinks he’s the sexiest thing out here.” Or maybe you’ve been one to ask “How is he in a relationship, and I’m not?” Or perhaps you’ve thought on occasion, “How is it that I’m working my ass off, barely making it and stressed, and he’s over there happy and balling out of control?” It’s easy for anyone to be a little green from time to time. However, no one should go through life always jealous of others.
In this day and age, I’ve noticed that being bold can earn you a bad reputation. Somehow knowing what you want in a mate and pursuing that, will have people calling you desperate. Or maybe thirsty. Which is a bit crazy if you ask me.
Was at brunch with the crew about a week ago, and we had an interesting convo. Now I don’t know if it was interesting because the mimosas were flowing or what, but it’s a question I present to you. If we as humans believe that people can change, then why is it so far stretched for me to date a good looking guy with bad habits and expect to be able to change him into my dream man? I mean my friends said there is nothing wrong with being with a seven because he will probably treat you right. But I want a ten, and to be able to mold him into a ten on the inside to match. You know what I’m trying to say? Looking forward to reading what you have to say.
-I Want Tens
Quick and simple question. Do you think it’s a bad idea to inbox your MCM? My friends think if I were to do it, that I’m being super thirsty. But I don’t seem the harm. Not like I’m sending nudes or anything. Thoughts?
-One Life to Live