relationships

I’m NOT Cheating! My Boyfriend’s Insecurities Are Driving Me Crazy

Tavion,

I can’t deal with my new boyfriend’s insecurities. We officially got into a relationship about a month ago, and ever since then something flipped with him. At first it started with him jokingly talking about guys commenting on my posts or tweets, and me liking the comments. He would hit me with one of those “oh you getting all the hoes still” and laugh, so I would shrug my shoulders and laugh it off. Then he progressively would mention the commenting without laughing, and legit arguments would pop off. To help ease the tension I became a little more careful about the kind of things I would post or tweet, but still tried to be me.

It’s not just that social media thing anymore though. He gets jealous if we’re out and I stop to talk to any guy. Whether they are a friend, work colleague, or whatever, he wants to get all up under me all of a sudden and practically demands an introduction. Then there’s the fact that he hates when I go out with my friends without him. The part that really has me ready to throw the whole relationship away is we got into an argument a few days ago about why I won’t give him passwords to my IG and twitter accounts, and to unlock my phone. I stood my ground and told him no, and he kind of dropped it, but the whole convo just left me feeling salty.

To be clear, outside of the insecurity issues, I love my boyfriend. He really is a great guy, and I know he’s acting like this because his two boyfriends before me cheated on him apparently. But I can’t do much more of this. What should I do?

From,

BF Problems

relationships

I Love Them, and They Treat Me Like Trash. What’s Wrong with Me?

Hi,

How are you T? I can’t say I know exactly who you are, but I’ve been googling some stuff and I found your page. The thing is, I just needed someone to talk to.

Well first, I’m a 29 years old woman who comes from an Arabic Islam country were the girl is supposed to stay virgin till marriage, but that’s not my case. I lost my virginity 3 years ago to someone I was deeply in love with, though he was the most abusive person you’ll ever meet.  This guy totally ruined my life. He used to humiliate and beat me. He even broke my nose once and gave me several black eyes. He was cheating on me like every day with several women, to the extent that he would try to talk to a girl and flirt with her and take her number while we were together eating or drinking.  In any place he would get furious and start to beat me or call me names and humiliate me in public.

He got me pregnant twice, and of course we aborted the two babies because in my country you can’t have babies without being married. And I remember that the first time we both didn’t know I was pregnant. We had this huge fight during which he kicked me in my stomach, and few hours later I found myself severely bleeding and that’s how I knew I was pregnant. I really can’t tell you how much I suffered during those 5 years. I was totally destroyed and broken physically, mentally and emotionally.

Finally, I was able to get myself out of this toilet called a relationship, but with a huge cost. I was no longer a virgin and that’s a big deal where I come from. I was so scared that my parents would know about me losing my virginity or that I would never get married, because who would want a girl that’s not a virgin? I was so ashamed of myself to the extent that I wished I was dead. I suffered from a severe depression. I used to spend nights and nights on my bed crying and begging for death.

Finally after 8 months of depression, I started to get on my feet again. I got back to my friends and family and to my normal life. Then I met someone. He was a doctor and a true gentleman, or that’s how he acted . I was not ready to get into any kind of relationship, but he didn’t take no as an answer and he kept chasing me with flowers and gifts and pushing me till I agreed to be with him.

He was really nice to me. He use to take care of me and I got so attached to him that I decided to tell him everything about my past and what I have been through. He was very understanding and nice, and he accepted what I said. He told me that he loved me and he didn’t care about anything else. Also, he confessed to me that he was married, got divorced, and that he can’t have kids.  I felt more in love with him after that day and got even closer to him. But of course since I was not a virgin he wanted to have sex.

Like every time we met it was just sex and nothing else. We spent 5 months together, and I’ll spare you the details, but he made me pregnant with twins.  Unfortunately, I went for an abortion for a third time.  That totally ruined me because I needed those babies. I wanted to have kids, but of course that was not possible. Anyway, to cut this short I found out that the decent doctor is still married and he lives happily with his wife. I was totally shocked when I knew the truth. I didn’t know what to do, and still don’t.

He knew that I knew the truth but never tried to call me to explain or even apologize for the pain he caused me. I tried to contact him several times, but of course he never answered. What have I done wrong? Why do they all treat me like a piece of trash? I feel like I’m in a huge mess and I really don’t know what to do. I feel totally alone and scared. Do you think he’ll ever call and apologize?  Do you think I’ll ever find true love? Tell me what to do not to be used again by anyone.

– R

friendship

Giving Unsolicited Advice to a Mother

Dear T,

I’m going to try and keep this brief.  I’ve been friends with this girl for a little over a year.  Recently, I have been going over to her house to hang out from time to time, and noticed how she treats her children.  She has two boys and treats them both completely different. The youngest, she babies a lot and caters to his needs.  With her young teenage son, she is a bit harder on him.  I’m all for tough love, but she treats him like some neighbor’s son instead of her own.   Better yet, it’s like the teenager is Cinderella, and the youngest is one of the sisters. Except in this situation, the youngest is not mean at all, and the oldest is biologically my friend’s child. He rarely cracks a smile when I’m over there.  When I tried talking to him one on one, he was reluctant to share his feelings with me.  Everything in me is telling me to mind my business, and let my friend parent how she wants to parent.  However, she recently shared with me that the youngest boy asked her why the oldest boy hates him.  It seemed to break her heart, and I want to tell her that it’s her fault.  What should I do here?  Sorry if it’s not that brief.

-Cautiously concerned.

relationships

I’m In a Relationship, So Where’s the Sex?

T,

I am coming up on my 4th year in a relationship with a partner I love. Six months into the relationship our sex life dwindled down to almost nothing. We have had multiple conversations about our sexless relationship. We’ve considered health concerns and even emotional possibilities. I don’t feel like there is cheating occurring. I don’t think anyone is getting any. My greatest concern is that there doesn’t seem to be the same urgency to correct this situation as it is for me.  Cuddling is great, kissing is good, but as I was told as a child kissing leads to things… just not for me! I don’t know what to do next. Can you offer any assistance?

-Where’s the Sex