I really appreciate your site and the advice you give. The community needs your advice, and I need your advice right now. My issue has to deal with chasing. I’m single and honestly I’m tired of chasing guys. It’s the same thing too. I meet a guy on a dating app or social media, show him some interest, he appears to return the interest, and then I spend like a month chasing him for me not to end up in a relationship. The shit is getting old.
Do you know how frustrating it is to think you’re talking to a guy trying to build something only for nothing to happen? I mean some of the guys I chase, I don’t even get to the point where we go on a dates. And while being single has its advantages, I’m trying to get boo’d the hell up. I know you have to pursue what you want in life, but I want to be pursued. I want people to call me, or hit me with a good morning and good night text. What advice do you have for me so I can date different in 2019?
Tryna Glow Up
Let’s hope you can help me with my personal life because it’s a mess. It could be worse, but it’s definitely not great. About 6 months ago I got out of a year long relationship, and just started putting myself back out there in September. Since I’ve been trying to date I’ve been talking to guys on Instagram and Tindr, and I do just mean talking. Speeding this story up a bit, I met two guys on Instagram who I really like. They both look good, are smart, and have their shit together. I’ve been on dates with both of them, but haven’t had sex with either of them. Although, I will admit I’ve exchanged a few nudes with the two.
The problem comes in, because I recently found out the two guys know each other. I saw them laughing together in an insta story at some kind of house party. I’m feeling a little creepy or anxious because I never wanted to be the guy dating two friends, and now I don’t know what to do. Do I end things with one guy before they find out I’ve been dating them both? Am I obligated to tell either of them I’m seeing the other? Can I just keep quiet about what I know and continue to date them both until it’s clear which guy I want to be with? What do I do here? Again, I’ve never been in this position. Or at least that I know of. Your advice is appreciated.
Henny and Ice
Just going to put this out there first, I love your site. I think it’s real dope that you dedicate your time to help the gay community, good looking out. Okay so with the nice stuff out the way, here’s the problem. I started talking to this guy that I thought could be boyfriend material. It’s only been about two weeks, but I could tell we had a vibe going on. Then I made two mistakes. I told my friend about him and I followed him on Instagram.
When I told my friend about the guy and showed him the dude’s picture, the first thing my friend said was literally “oh him.” When I asked what that meant, my friend said he knew the guy had talked to two people he knew. That news by itself didn’t make my warning lights go off. However, when I followed him on Instagram and looked through his comments, he always has guys flirting with him in his comments. I just don’t like dating popular folks. I don’t want to be one guy in a sea of others guys chasing one man. That’s not me. My friend told me to chill and date the man if I like him, but now I’m insecure about the whole thing. Do you think I’m trippin?
I have a problem I don’t think you’ve written about but hoping you can help me with. I’ve been talking to this guy who I really like for about six weeks or so on IG. Not only does he have body and a great smile, but he also is sexy to me because he is smart. The conversations we have always leave me feeling a type of way if you know what I mean. As great as this guy seems though, we haven’t met in person. Every time I suggest it, he says cool, kind of flakes last minute.
Now usually, I’d tell a guy about himself and just block him. But every time I go to do that, I go through our messages and look at pics of him, and get a little hot to be honest. It doesn’t help that we’ve phone boned a couple of times, and it was sexy. And he’s seen private photos of mine and I’ve seen his, so I feel invested for some reason. My friends think I’m being dumb and being played, but part of me just feel like me and this guy could work, so I don’t want to cut him off completely. Besides, I still talk to other dudes. Could use your input.
I’ve peeped a few of your posts and I love your advice. Your words really do be hitting. Hopefully, your words will hit on something today. I find myself stuck in this situation with this guy who I met through IG six weeks ago. So initially, I came across his profile through another IG friend who liked his post. After I went to the guy’s page, I thought he was fine AF, and we seemed to have things in common. Naturally, I started to follow him, and then he followed me. He even did the thing where he went through my profile and liked a bunch of my posts. I took that as a sign to shoot my shot, and did. We started flirting back and forth through DMs, then moved our convos to phone.
Once we exchanged numbers, we would text throughout the day and even talk on the phone at night every now and then. I forgot to mention, he lives in Houston and I live in Atlanta. That’s important, because last weekend I was in Houston to meet up with friends and didn’t even see him. We had planned to meet up and he knew I was coming, but as soon as I got to Houston all of a sudden he was too busy to see me. He claimed he was swamped with a project at work. I think that is bs because I feel he could at least met up with me for an hour.
Long story short, since I’ve been back in ATL we don’t really communicate like we were. He tried to text me this week to apologize, but honestly I was still in my feelings and didn’t want to hear it so I’ve been distant. I’m frustrated because I still like the guy but don’t like feeling I’ve been played. What do you suggest here?
Confused Dater 92
Attention my fellow millennials. I clearly wrote this post with you all in mind. As a millennial myself, I feel completely qualified in criticizing the mistakes our generation makes when it comes to dating. Well, with first dates in particular. While I’m sure I could compile a list of more than five things, I think the following is sufficient. And like always, please remember my platform is meant to help not hurt. So let’s get started.
I’m having this issue with my boyfriend lately. After about a year hiatus from Instagram, I decided to hop back on it. At first, my boyfriend wasn’t even tripping. But now because I’ve gotten more followers, and this one account that features “sexy thick men” or whatever posted my picture, I’ve gotten a lot of likes and flirtatious comments underneath my pictures. Plus, I received some DMs. Keep in mind, I’ve never responded to the DMs and I don’t do anything more than like the comments. I rarely reply, and if I do it’s nothing more than thanks or thank you. However, my boyfriend has been acting real jealous and a little bitchy like I’ve done something wrong, like I’ve cheated. I haven’t cheated and I haven’t done anything wrong. I’m sick of feeling like I’m constantly being punished for nothing. Heck, he’s had an Instagram for a minute and I ain’t tripping. How would you handle this situation? By the way, love the work you’re doing. Keep it up.
-Back on IG
I came across your content on Instagram, and I loved it. You say some good stuff that’s definitely on point. The question I have for you today is about hoeing. I’ve been dating this guy for about two months, and recently we decided to become exclusive. I really like him. Like a lot. He’s almost my dream guy. He’s fine, financially stable, great body, funny, and we have a lot in common. The problem is, I think he used to be a huge hoe. Scratch that, I know he used to be a hoe. In so many words, he kind of said that.
At first I didn’t care about his past as much, because it was his past and everyone has one, including me. However, I think his past is bothering me now because when we go out to spots it seems he always knows someone, and the someone is usually a person he has hooked up with apparently. Plus, we follow each other on Instagram and every time he posts a selfie or something, I look at his comments and a part of me becomes insecure. I hate that because I’m not an insecure person. So I guess my actual question, is what do I do? How do I stay in this relationship and not drive myself crazy.
Mr. Worried but Not Worried
I read your passage on “maybe you’re the reason you’re single” and I definitely agree with all you’re saying. You absolutely get back what you put in. You don’t attract what you want but attract what you are, makes total sense. What I want to pick your brain on is why I attract men in committed relationships?
I am 26 and have never been in a committed relationship, and I never really get past the “talking” phase. Sometimes it’s them, sometimes it’s me and sometimes it’s mutual. I’ve been working on myself a lot. I’m often referred to as extremely positive, bubbly, always smiling. I make people feel good and I’ve accepted that often times I attract “broken people”. I’ve fallen into the habit of helping or fixing everyone I come in contact with, and it really helps them but leaves me drained. Perhaps that has something to do with why I’m attracting these committed guys.
I’ve been working on my visualization and affirmations and I meditate often focusing on the life I want with who I want and I meet these incredible guys. Men who are so ideal to what I picture for myself, until they tell me they’re married or have a girlfriend. I have a history with men who do not want to commit and now I’m meeting people who are capable and willing to commit except they’ve done so already with someone else.
These things normally end in me giving them advice and helping them see that they are only wanting to be with me because something isn’t right in their marriage and they need to go to their wives and figure out what’s missing. I’m glad to help if that’s my journey but it breaks my heart because they really are good people deep down and it’s like I’m attracting the right man, now, just ones that aren’t available to me. Idk. Do you have any thoughts on why this keeps happening and what I could do to attract good single men?
Nice site. I’m a fan of the advice you give. It’s good advice but not too harsh. Anyway, hoping you can help me to figure out what to do with my boyfriend. He makes me feel like I’m competing with all of Instagram. I get that he’s really proud of his body transformation, but why does he have to post his body so much? At first I didn’t mind, but now I’m starting to feel some type of way. Like he can’t save some stuff for my eyes only. Everyone one doesn’t need to see what he looks like in underwear and what his print looks like. We are in a committed relationship and if he’s committed to me, why does he need to advertise for someone else? I don’t care what he says about it being for the sake of leg day pics or whatever, it’s inviting thots to blow up his inbox. By the way, I’ve asked him to chill with those kind of posts, and he kind of brushed me off. Told me I have nothing to worry about. Anyway, what do I here short of backhanding him and reporting all his photos on Instagram?
No Prude But