Dating

Why You Should Leave Someone’s Romantic Past in the Past

Hey folks,

I just want to drop a little advice that I hope helps somebody in the pursuit of love.  While this advice may not be that revolutionary in context, it’s still important nonetheless. Let it serve as a reminder to those who are single and searching. So without further delay, the advice I have for you all today is this. Someone’s past is someone’s past, and you shouldn’t let that prevent you from finding “Bae”.

Dating, relationships

You Fell In Love and He Cheated… How to Move on from an EX

Well this year I’ve been going through a huge transition in life and it’s all after finding out my ex cheated on me for years. Reflecting on my relationship, I did a lot to make it work and sacrificed a lot to make them happy and now seeing my energy and love was taken advantage of to make them feel better, simply sucks.  So I guess my question is “He f$cked you over, now what?

Now life has gotten a lot better for me, confidence risen, job opportunities, genuinely happy. But my hardest struggle is getting passed and over the hurt and pain, and it’s hard not reflect on the past.

-Surprisingly Broken

Dating

I Really Like Him, But He Won’t Go Below Sea Level

Hello Tavion,

As always great advice and articles. I was wondering if you could help me with something. I met an amazing guy that I had enjoy spending my time with. I am content with how things are progressing with our relationship. Although we aren’t sexually active yet, we’ve talked about it and had a few close encounters. My concern is that he is not into fellatio and I very much enjoy it. Should that be a deal breaker or how can we work around it? Again, it is something I thoroughly enjoy.

– Let’s Make A Deal

The Lifestyle

Don’t Allow Unsupportive Family to Steal Your Joy

Hello, Mr. Scott,

“Excuse for all of my last minute gush and lengthy expression”

I have been in a life long battle since I was 9 years old, which I’m 22 years old now where I live in small loop of life is home, school, and church. It’s killing me. It’s about my identity as Demisexual and mundane problems.

To me, demisexual is very unique, not as popular as LGBTA (saying that in humble way), and it fit my whole personality ever since. I am the type of person who love reading books, exploring things with high curiosity, funny, introvert, open minded, bubbly, go getter, be a “fresh air and be an organic food” for people (myself too since we all been through hard life out there), look inside of people’s soul and personality instead of their appearance, which makes extremely hard for me to attract toward woman or man, and get bored easily with things.

I was born and raised in black family who is very strong and strict in Christian who make everything black and white…no gray in between, which I find it funny that I tend to find colors in “between” is almost an answer for everything without conflicts, an answer for people haven’t thought of, and use it to help people to be free. When I first came out to them after graduating college, it took me many years to open myself up and ended up being bashed by them.

At first, they stare at me like I’m an alien or pure confusion and say confusion is from the devil. I ended up destroying myself to see them be happy for me but noticed my health is crashing, my daily drawing for my outlet becoming depressing, very few, or on hold for long time, overthinking is eating me up so much of what to be as “worldly” or “not worldly” in every little things I do and say, which my silence is getting bigger, while my action is getting smaller every day.

I personally hate to be limited or being twisted, yet I’m living under parent’s roof where parent are recently separated. Parents are so into my business and nearly ruin everything I build for my future, even I want my life to be private and be truly me. Still looking for job. So, I never had relationship (I have one but got cheated on, so I’ll say I never had relationship 😂) and it very difficult for me to open up to anyone and about to put my mindset on “business” mode without emotions to get through everything. My goal is to be artist as animator, illustrator, making tv show, entrepreneur, and massage therapist. I feel like I have more than that….I know it is a lot since I love multitasking to keep my mind going and make money overflowing. Again, I apologize for lengthy expression!!

-Strawberry Prince

Dating

Your Job When Dating is NOT to Play Therapist

I read your passage on “maybe you’re the reason you’re single” and I definitely agree with all you’re saying. You absolutely get back what you put in. You don’t attract what you want but attract what you are, makes total sense. What I want to pick your brain on is why I attract men in committed relationships?

I am 26 and have never been in a committed relationship, and I never really get past the “talking” phase. Sometimes it’s them, sometimes it’s me and sometimes it’s mutual. I’ve been working on myself a lot.  I’m often referred to as extremely positive, bubbly, always smiling.  I make people feel good and I’ve accepted that often times I attract “broken people”.  I’ve fallen into the habit of helping or fixing everyone I come in contact with, and it really helps them but leaves me drained.  Perhaps that has something to do with why I’m attracting these committed guys.

I’ve been working on my visualization and affirmations and I meditate often focusing on the life I want with who I want and I meet these incredible guys.  Men who are so ideal to what I picture for myself, until they tell me they’re married or have a girlfriend. I have a history with men who do not want to commit and now I’m meeting people who are capable and willing to commit except they’ve done so already with someone else.

These things normally end in me giving them advice and helping them see that they are only wanting to be with me because something isn’t right in their marriage and they need to go to their wives and figure out what’s missing. I’m glad to help if that’s my journey but it breaks my heart because they really are good people deep down and it’s like I’m attracting the right man, now, just ones that aren’t available to me. Idk. Do you have any thoughts on why this keeps happening and what I could do to attract good single men?

-NW

The Lifestyle

I’m Single and Don’t Want to Be…Where Is My Bae?

Hello Tavion,

Please help a brother out! I have a huge dilemma. I’m Black, Bisexual, Christian, and Undetectable…..need I say more? It has become extremely difficult to have a lasting relationship with either gender. I have been cut short because of my race, my beliefs, my sexuality, and/or my status.  I am at a point where I’m ready (been ready) to settle down, build a life with my partner, and start a family. What to do?

BBCU

Dating

The Guy Ghosted Me and Now He’s Back… What Should I Do?

Dear T,

I’m trying to figure out something, and hopefully you can help me. So about a year ago, I was talking to this guy.  We met online, went on a few dates, but never had sex.   Although we never had sex, I just thought we had an amazing connection.  Like we legit would text throughout the day, and stay on the phone late at night.  Then one day after about a month and some change of talking, we had a small argument.  Like so small I didn’t even think it was that serious.  After that, he went ghost.  I didn’t hear from him.  He didn’t reply to my texts, answer my phone calls, and stopped liking my posts on Instagram. Well three days ago I ran into him at a bar, and he seemed super eager to see me.  The crazy part is, he asked me where I had been and what happened to me. I couldn’t believe it. Usually I would have paid him dust, but I instantly felt that connection with him when I saw him again.  Since meeting up, we got back to texting and everything.

What I need from you is help sorting out why he just disappeared and came back like nothing happened. Also, do you think it’s a good idea to even entertain this guy again?

Thanks,

Mr. Trying Not to Be Foolish

Dating

I’ve Been Dating BUT Can’t find My Man… I’m Sick of It

Hey T,

First off, your blog and advice is great! Secondly, is there like a secret guide to dating? I’ve been out the game for a while and think I’m ready to try again. Historically, I haven’t been very successful at dating. The few times it did go well and I had relationships, they all ended badly. I’m at a point now where my “biological clock” is ticking. I’m ready for a family.

-Seems Like I’m Ready

relationships

How Do I Get Over My Cheating Ex?

Dear T,

I have a question I think you can help me with.  Or at least I’m hoping you can.  I’ve seen some of the advice you give other people, so I’m going to give this a shot.  It’s been a little over a month since my boyfriend and I have broken up, and I can’t seem to get over him. It still feels like I’ve been kicked in the stomach. I still miss the bastard.  See, my ex is someone I thought could be my husband one day.  What we had was real.  That’s what I thought until I found out he cheated on me.  He told me he hooked up with some random when he went out of town with his friends.  While I gave him credit for telling the truth, I couldn’t stay with someone that would do that to me.  I would have never done that to him.  The thing that really sucks, is that I can’t seem to move on.  I tried going on Jack’d and going to gay bars or whatever, but every time I think there is potential with someone, the person turns out to be a dud.  And plus, I can’t stop thinking about my ex. I’m a fool for still wanting him right? Anyway, simply put, how do I get over an ex?

-Alex Lovelong

Dating

Is Dating Younger a Big Deal?

T,

Real quick.  What are your thoughts on dating younger?  I’m knocking on 29, and I’ve just not been able to make it work with guys my age.  I tried dating older, and that didn’t work out for me.  The older men I’ve dated always came into the situation like they were the authoritarian and I needed to be schooled in everything.  Anyway, I met this guy at a bar about two weeks ago, and we’ve been texting since then.  Only problem is that he just turned 21 a month ago. From what I know he seems cool, but that age difference makes me nervous.  What do you think I should do?
-Young but Not that Young