While surfing through IG posts and Twitter feeds, I often see people complaining about the current dating landscape. Most of these individuals appear to be great guys and girls who are looking for love, only to be constantly let down by relationship prospects. After doing some thinking and digging, I decided to create a list of six concepts I believe are getting in the way of individuals landing bae.
Let’s hope you can help me with my personal life because it’s a mess. It could be worse, but it’s definitely not great. About 6 months ago I got out of a year long relationship, and just started putting myself back out there in September. Since I’ve been trying to date I’ve been talking to guys on Instagram and Tindr, and I do just mean talking. Speeding this story up a bit, I met two guys on Instagram who I really like. They both look good, are smart, and have their shit together. I’ve been on dates with both of them, but haven’t had sex with either of them. Although, I will admit I’ve exchanged a few nudes with the two.
The problem comes in, because I recently found out the two guys know each other. I saw them laughing together in an insta story at some kind of house party. I’m feeling a little creepy or anxious because I never wanted to be the guy dating two friends, and now I don’t know what to do. Do I end things with one guy before they find out I’ve been dating them both? Am I obligated to tell either of them I’m seeing the other? Can I just keep quiet about what I know and continue to date them both until it’s clear which guy I want to be with? What do I do here? Again, I’ve never been in this position. Or at least that I know of. Your advice is appreciated.
Henny and Ice
Just going to put this out there first, I love your site. I think it’s real dope that you dedicate your time to help the gay community, good looking out. Okay so with the nice stuff out the way, here’s the problem. I started talking to this guy that I thought could be boyfriend material. It’s only been about two weeks, but I could tell we had a vibe going on. Then I made two mistakes. I told my friend about him and I followed him on Instagram.
When I told my friend about the guy and showed him the dude’s picture, the first thing my friend said was literally “oh him.” When I asked what that meant, my friend said he knew the guy had talked to two people he knew. That news by itself didn’t make my warning lights go off. However, when I followed him on Instagram and looked through his comments, he always has guys flirting with him in his comments. I just don’t like dating popular folks. I don’t want to be one guy in a sea of others guys chasing one man. That’s not me. My friend told me to chill and date the man if I like him, but now I’m insecure about the whole thing. Do you think I’m trippin?
I have a problem I don’t think you’ve written about but hoping you can help me with. I’ve been talking to this guy who I really like for about six weeks or so on IG. Not only does he have body and a great smile, but he also is sexy to me because he is smart. The conversations we have always leave me feeling a type of way if you know what I mean. As great as this guy seems though, we haven’t met in person. Every time I suggest it, he says cool, kind of flakes last minute.
Now usually, I’d tell a guy about himself and just block him. But every time I go to do that, I go through our messages and look at pics of him, and get a little hot to be honest. It doesn’t help that we’ve phone boned a couple of times, and it was sexy. And he’s seen private photos of mine and I’ve seen his, so I feel invested for some reason. My friends think I’m being dumb and being played, but part of me just feel like me and this guy could work, so I don’t want to cut him off completely. Besides, I still talk to other dudes. Could use your input.
I recently had a brief yet interesting discussion with someone on Instagram that I thought I’d share with you all. To give a little backstory, the individual in question is a gay person of color that was having a conversation with some of his acquaintances. When he and his friends started talking about dating preferences, he mentioned that he was not usually attracted to white men. At that revelation, he was accused of being racist. Keep in mind, from my understanding he didn’t go on a rant about white men being inferior or the devil. And he didn’t say anything about practicing open discrimination against white men either. So feeling like it was two against one in the conversation with his acquaintances, he reached out to me to get my input.
As always great advice and articles. I was wondering if you could help me with something. I met an amazing guy that I had enjoy spending my time with. I am content with how things are progressing with our relationship. Although we aren’t sexually active yet, we’ve talked about it and had a few close encounters. My concern is that he is not into fellatio and I very much enjoy it. Should that be a deal breaker or how can we work around it? Again, it is something I thoroughly enjoy.
– Let’s Make A Deal
Please help a brother out! I have a huge dilemma. I’m Black, Bisexual, Christian, and Undetectable…..need I say more? It has become extremely difficult to have a lasting relationship with either gender. I have been cut short because of my race, my beliefs, my sexuality, and/or my status. I am at a point where I’m ready (been ready) to settle down, build a life with my partner, and start a family. What to do?
First off, your blog and advice is great! Secondly, is there like a secret guide to dating? I’ve been out the game for a while and think I’m ready to try again. Historically, I haven’t been very successful at dating. The few times it did go well and I had relationships, they all ended badly. I’m at a point now where my “biological clock” is ticking. I’m ready for a family.
-Seems Like I’m Ready
I hope you are doing great. I am writing because it seems like I am at a dead end and I am hoping your words might help me out.
Even though I have been in relationships with some amazing men and have been extremely happy, I never felt fulfilled. You see, I am a gay Christian. With that said, whenever I tell other gay men that I am a Christian it seems like they get scared and run off. At 27 years old and been in the dating pool, I now know what I want out of a partner but more than anything… I know what I need. I would like someone that is also Christian, someone which will walk this road of faith with, someone that I can lean on for prayer and vice versa, but where else do I find such man? It’s not as if Christian Mingle has a section for us. I know yourself has a Christian faith, any words of advice.
Your fellow brother,
Let There Be Light.
I have this best friend who I’ve known for 10 plus years. When we are together, we have nothing but kikis and fun. However, when I bring him around my other male friends from college, a flip switches and he becomes a person I don’t care for. Without fail, he makes a point to flirt with all my other male friends. And if he can, sleeps with them. That pisses me off. I don’t understand why there are countless gay men out in the world, and he feels the need to screw my friends. It’s uncomfortable for me. When shit hits the fan, my best friend and other friends look at me crazy. Heck, I’ve actually lost a friendship with one guy because my best friend slept with him. What do you think I should do here?