The Lifestyle

Dear RHOA… Accusing Someone of Being Gay to Be Shady is Actually Offensive to Fans

Before I dive deep into this post, let me just mention a few disclaimers.  First and foremost, this is not a personal attack on anyone. If anything, I hope to make this a teaching moment, and not a “reading” lesson.  Secondly, I’m not professing to be Team Nene, Team Twirl, or any other team affiliated with the show. I have no metaphorical horse in this race.  While I admittedly don’t like the consistent actions of a few, my personal feelings for the ladies, or the images they portray, has nothing to do with what I’m about to go into here.  And lastly, my words can be applied beyond The Real Housewives of Atlanta franchise, and Bravo TV.  So let’s get to it.


I Want to Cuss Out His Mother

Dear T,

Do you think it’s okay to tell your boyfriend that his mama is an evil b*tch?  Excuse my language, but that woman really works on my nerve.  Anytime my boyfriend brings her around me, she throws nothing but shade and side eyes my way.  I’m honestly tired of it.  I try to be respectful, but she never returns the courtesy.  And my boo is a big mama’s boy.  What am I supposed to do here?  I’d appreciate the help.


Just About Done


Dear Just About Done,

Thanks for writing to me.  Let me start by saying that absolutely no one wants to deal with a nightmare of a “mother-in-law” figure.  Being the target for your boo’s mom’s shade sucks and doesn’t really put you in the most comfortable position.  I’m sure you have been fighting the very strong urge to clap back and use more than a few choice words. So I commend you on your self-control and your ability to hold your tongue.  Which you are really going to have to keep doing here.  At least where the mother is concerned.

If you are blatantly and intentionally being disrespected by this lady, then you need to pressure your man to address it, so you don’t have to.  I’m not sure if your boyfriend is around when all the shade is being thrown; but if he is, then he really owes you the common courtesy of interjecting during the insulting moments.  No guy should want to see someone he loves being chewed on like a dog bone.  If he’s not in the room when his mother is talking crazy to you, then you make sure you debrief him on all the reading that goes on when he turns his back.

Now you may be wondering why I haven’t encouraged you to go after his mother, but that is a losing situation for you.  No matter how bad she may talks to you, you can’t cuss out this man’s mother.  She birthed him.  And if he is a mama’s boy like you say he is, I guarantee that if you get a slick mouth with his mom, your relationship will find itself on a deathbed.  You could have the most amazing sex ever, and still not trump his mom. LOL!

Suggestions going forward.

  1. When you talk to your boo about this issue, try to be as calm and precise as possible. No need to turn up, but you do need to detail every incident of shade.  If he is going to go to bat for you, he needs all the facts.


  1. If your bae is passive about addressing your concerns, then that may mean you need to raise an eyebrow. He doesn’t need to hurl insults at his mother on your behalf, but he does to say something.  He should want you to feel protected.


  1. If I were you, I’d press my boo to find out why his mother dislikes me so much. I’d be curious.  It may be she has an issue with him being gay, and you are actualization of his sexuality.  So naturally, although wrong, you would be the target of her aggression.

As always nothing but love,



Why Is Your Man Beefing with Me?

Dear T,

I had an issue that came up last month, and just want to get your advice. I have this friend who I’ve known for a couple years invite me out to visit him in Cali. Well when I went out there for a few days to visit, I stayed with him at his apartment. His boyfriend who is not his roommate, decided to stay at the apartment the whole time I was there. And the boyfriend was so nasty and so rude. He kept side-eying me and throwing slight shade. To top it off, he was real extra with the PDA with my friend, and was my friend’s shadow. Obviously the dude was jealous or threatened by me, but I didn’t say anything while in Cali because I didn’t want to ruin my whole weekend. But should I have cussed the guy out like I wanted to?

-Just Askin