Dating

Would It Be Okay to Have Casual Sex with My Personal Trainer?

Hey Tavion,

Quick question.

When I was a Freshman in College I ended up casually dating one guy I met through my sister back when we were maybe in 6 or 7th grade. Any who we have some history. Flash forward a couple of years I ended up meeting up with him in 2012-13.

We talked some, took me to the movies before he had a car or anything. Then we ended up sleeping together, I didn’t know that I was his first (until years later did I find out) .Well he was going to go off into the Marines and start a career there. I had just began my BA. A serious relationship during that time, wasn’t great. The timing was off.

So years later he comes back a Vet and I a Masters Student furthering my Edu. We have always kept contact and now he is my Personal Trainer.  I have heard his stories of him sleeping with other women and I don’t mind a single man will be a single man, same as a woman (enjoy que no?!).

I feel that he is trying to seduce me. We text late at night and is always wants to know how I am doing. We even talked about sex between us and it usually never get serious other than just messaging another about the occasional “is we had sex how what are my rules and such”.  We both know we can’t have any serious relationship since we are both focused on our own path, would it be awkward if I have sex with him and keep him as my trainer?

I am stumped and can’t seem to decide what I am doing here. I tend to just go with the texts since its nice to get a break from working and things could be spicer in the sheets. But again, I haven’t slept with another man in 5 years so there’s that (came out of a long relationship 6 months ago ).

Just started training with him 2 months ago and I feel that sex is over the horizon!

To sleep with him or to not sleep with him and keep the PT relationship, that is the questions ?

Thanks for listening!

XOXO

Brielle

Dating

Why You Should Leave Someone’s Romantic Past in the Past

Hey folks,

I just want to drop a little advice that I hope helps somebody in the pursuit of love.  While this advice may not be that revolutionary in context, it’s still important nonetheless. Let it serve as a reminder to those who are single and searching. So without further delay, the advice I have for you all today is this. Someone’s past is someone’s past, and you shouldn’t let that prevent you from finding “Bae”.

Dating

Single, Ready to Mingle, BUT Men Aren’t Checking for Me

 Hey T,

I’m writing to get some honest insight about casual relationships, dating, and why it seems to be difficult to get any kind of attention even with the right credentials, pedigree, personality, and the like. In more simplistic terms is it: Is it me? Or is it the dating environment that I am in?

To provide some context, I’m in my mid-20s, highly educated, am kind and attentive, funny, and love to have fun with others. However, I have found that having these redeeming traits seems not to matter much when it comes to talking with many men. I came to this observation by living in Washington D.C., and currently living in Atlanta.

When I was living in Washington D.C., I had a friend that conveyed something in a conversation that still appears to hold true. He told me that when dating other men, or even trying to casually engage on a sexual level, they don’t care about how kind I am or what type of credentials I have. They also upon first glance, don’t care about what you bring to the table. Or to put if the way he put it, “a degree won’t make you dateable.” Ultimately, he said that “what really matters is the body, how masculine you present, and how you put yourself together.”

In the few years since that conversation (and our friendship ending), I tried dating and seeking casual encounters not listening to the commentary. However, I have only been able to date successfully one time. As far as casual encounters go, nothing has materialized from the usual culprits of Jack’d and Grindr, or in-person meetings. Jack’d and Grindr are sources of frustration, purely because of the personalities I seem to encounter. Plus being stood-up seems to be a common thing for me (it’s so common that I know to order a drink within 15 minutes and go on my merry way by 30). In-person meetings, when they happen, seem to be very one-sided and often times, most men are disinterested. I demonstrate my interest, yet I never get their number or hear from them again.

It’s jarring, because I’m young, I want to have fun, and I want to be able to enjoy men and their essence. Yet, the well has been dry for a few years. I also have been told by female friends that I’m by no stretch “ugly.” But, I’m starting to believe what that “friend” told me some years ago. Living in Atlanta, the Mecca of gay black men, I have been incapable of finding any sexual partners or romantic interests, period. Disclosing this to one of my friends, he said: “wait, what… how?”

Could be possible that because I’m not in the best shape (I’m team thick), not masculine (I’m more of in the middle), and have an eccentric style, no man wants no parts of me? If that is the case, would it make sense if I (or “masc it up”) and get into model shape to start making myself more appealing?  Am I bugging?

Once again, I’d appreciate your honest evaluation of this.

Signed,

Quarter Life Drought

Dating, relationships

Should Your Dating Preferences Be Considered Offensive?

I recently had a brief yet interesting discussion with someone on Instagram that I thought I’d share with you all.  To give a little backstory, the individual in question is a gay person of color that was having a conversation with some of his acquaintances. When he and his friends started talking about dating preferences, he mentioned that he was not usually attracted to white men. At that revelation, he was accused of being racist. Keep in mind, from my understanding he didn’t go on a rant about white men being inferior or the devil.  And he didn’t say anything about practicing open discrimination against white men either. So feeling like it was two against one in the conversation with his acquaintances, he reached out to me to get my input.

The Lifestyle

Don’t Allow Unsupportive Family to Steal Your Joy

Hello, Mr. Scott,

“Excuse for all of my last minute gush and lengthy expression”

I have been in a life long battle since I was 9 years old, which I’m 22 years old now where I live in small loop of life is home, school, and church. It’s killing me. It’s about my identity as Demisexual and mundane problems.

To me, demisexual is very unique, not as popular as LGBTA (saying that in humble way), and it fit my whole personality ever since. I am the type of person who love reading books, exploring things with high curiosity, funny, introvert, open minded, bubbly, go getter, be a “fresh air and be an organic food” for people (myself too since we all been through hard life out there), look inside of people’s soul and personality instead of their appearance, which makes extremely hard for me to attract toward woman or man, and get bored easily with things.

I was born and raised in black family who is very strong and strict in Christian who make everything black and white…no gray in between, which I find it funny that I tend to find colors in “between” is almost an answer for everything without conflicts, an answer for people haven’t thought of, and use it to help people to be free. When I first came out to them after graduating college, it took me many years to open myself up and ended up being bashed by them.

At first, they stare at me like I’m an alien or pure confusion and say confusion is from the devil. I ended up destroying myself to see them be happy for me but noticed my health is crashing, my daily drawing for my outlet becoming depressing, very few, or on hold for long time, overthinking is eating me up so much of what to be as “worldly” or “not worldly” in every little things I do and say, which my silence is getting bigger, while my action is getting smaller every day.

I personally hate to be limited or being twisted, yet I’m living under parent’s roof where parent are recently separated. Parents are so into my business and nearly ruin everything I build for my future, even I want my life to be private and be truly me. Still looking for job. So, I never had relationship (I have one but got cheated on, so I’ll say I never had relationship 😂) and it very difficult for me to open up to anyone and about to put my mindset on “business” mode without emotions to get through everything. My goal is to be artist as animator, illustrator, making tv show, entrepreneur, and massage therapist. I feel like I have more than that….I know it is a lot since I love multitasking to keep my mind going and make money overflowing. Again, I apologize for lengthy expression!!

-Strawberry Prince

Pop Culture, The Lifestyle

Dear RHOA… Accusing Someone of Being Gay to Be Shady is Actually Offensive to Fans

Before I dive deep into this post, let me just mention a few disclaimers.  First and foremost, this is not a personal attack on anyone. If anything, I hope to make this a teaching moment, and not a “reading” lesson.  Secondly, I’m not professing to be Team Nene, Team Twirl, or any other team affiliated with the show. I have no metaphorical horse in this race.  While I admittedly don’t like the consistent actions of a few, my personal feelings for the ladies, or the images they portray, has nothing to do with what I’m about to go into here.  And lastly, my words can be applied beyond The Real Housewives of Atlanta franchise, and Bravo TV.  So let’s get to it.

Dating

Fitness Or Romance? Should I Tell Him I Like Him?

Hi T!

I just recently found your blog and really liked your advice so I figured I’d ask you for some! I have a crush on one of my martial arts instructors and am dying over it. We share a lot of interests and get along really well. He seems to treat me a little differently and I don’t know if it’s because we’re friends or what. We’ve known each other for 5 months now and see each other 5/6 days a week. I’m extremely hesitant to even hint at asking him out because I don’t want to fuck up what we’re currently vibing with.

The few times we’ve been out in a group he gave me a hug (he doesn’t like touching people/people touching him and he initiated the hugs each time). The time we went out to a bar with some others from our studio, I had alcohol for the first time ever, and he babysat me.  He made sure I drank lots of water, let me rest my head on his shoulder, and walked me out to my uber.

I know he’s currently single. He told me he bragged to his brother and his soon-to-be sister-in-law when he took some of the treats I made home for them to try and boasted about being able to have my treats weekly.  I know he swings my way, I’m AFAB non-binary, and after I casually mentioned I was nb he asked for my pronouns so as not to make me uncomfortable.

I’m just so torn between saying nothing and enjoying what we’ve got going.  Or asking him out and possibly fucking things up. I like him and our studio and everyone there. It would suck if I said or did anything to make him uncomfortable or make things between us awkward.

Should I just say ‘screw it’ and ask him out? Or bite my tongue?

Thank you! <3

-Martial Arts Admirer

The Lifestyle

My Son May Be Gay, What Should I Do?

 Hello T,

I need some help here for my son.  If he is gay that is fine and if not that is fine too. He started hanging with a friend he met and they get along great, which is cool. The thing is my son says he is confused because he likes to hang with his friend because he likes his values and the way he thinks but he does not like penis and his new friend is 100% gay. So what advice can I help give to him. I told him it seems like a companionship more than a relationship but they are pretty close in comparison and hard to help him understand what it is he has.  I just love my son no matter what, and I just feel you can give some really good advice.

Thank you so very much,

J.

Dating

Lust or Love in the Workplace?

T,

Here’s a situation for you.   There’s this new guy that started working in my office and I think I want him to be mine.  Scratch that, I know for certain I want him to be mine.  When I tell you he is almost too perfect, I mean it.  He has a great smile, amazing body (I mean him in dress pants and a button up shirt is too sexy), and his voice almost makes me want to get undressed every time I hear him speak.  I’ve been trying to figure out whether he’s gay or not so I can make my move, and that’s where you come in.  I don’t want to just put myself out there in case he’s not gay, and make things awkward at work.  And I tried looking at his social media to get a clue, but I can’t find him anywhere.  So what do you think I should do here? Thanks in advance for the help.

From,

Want Him Bad

The Lifestyle

Going Beyond Kim Burrell’s Comments: The Church and Homosexuality

Hello there folks!  With it now officially being 2017, I hope people have completed their vision boards, made their resolutions, and prepared to hold themselves accountable for fulfilling their hopes and dreams for the New Year.  While I’m fully aware that there are those pessimists that will read this and think that there is no real difference between December 31st and the days that follow, I disagree to an extent.  I often find you are more hopeful in trying to fulfill your goals when you know you have another 365 days to succeed.  Folks just have to make sure to convert that hopefulness into plan and action so they can set new goals for the following year, and not have the same ones.

Anyway, I wanted to take a little time to talk about the Christian Church and homosexuality.  In the wake of the Kim Burrell controversy, I thought I’d add my two cents on not just on her comments, but the overall dynamic her comments speak to.  I fully understand the delicate nature of this conversation, so I’m going to do my best here to give my opinions, yet remain respectful.  The goal here is not to leave anyone with a bad taste in their mouth, although I’m sure some may disagree with what I have to say. So let’s jump into it.