Dating, relationships

Living Like You’re Single in a Long Distance Relationship

My partner and I first began our now 3 year relationship via long distance. I moved down to Atlanta from Houston to be with him full time after 1 year but we were sleeping with other people while still out of state. I’ve been here for the last 2 years and after the honeymoon phase has worn out I discovered my mood has sunken into depression and anxiety due to being away from my family and friends back in my hometown.

This is my first long term live-in relationship and first foray into living away from home altogether. I noticed that I had stepped out here and there with each trip out of town due to my feelings of unhappiness. We were now considering moving back to Houston but I recently slipped up with an ex a few months ago on a trip back to Houston that my hometown partner found out about via hacking my phone.

I’m confused if I am truly depressed about my current relationship being monogamous and feelings of being stifled domestically. Or unhappy with being away from my hometown. We recently started couple counseling and each started therapy for clarity in our emotions. Should I try to make this work or leave while the going is good?

-Needy Neurotic or Nympho

relationships

I’m NOT Cheating! My Boyfriend’s Insecurities Are Driving Me Crazy

Tavion,

I can’t deal with my new boyfriend’s insecurities. We officially got into a relationship about a month ago, and ever since then something flipped with him. At first it started with him jokingly talking about guys commenting on my posts or tweets, and me liking the comments. He would hit me with one of those “oh you getting all the hoes still” and laugh, so I would shrug my shoulders and laugh it off. Then he progressively would mention the commenting without laughing, and legit arguments would pop off. To help ease the tension I became a little more careful about the kind of things I would post or tweet, but still tried to be me.

It’s not just that social media thing anymore though. He gets jealous if we’re out and I stop to talk to any guy. Whether they are a friend, work colleague, or whatever, he wants to get all up under me all of a sudden and practically demands an introduction. Then there’s the fact that he hates when I go out with my friends without him. The part that really has me ready to throw the whole relationship away is we got into an argument a few days ago about why I won’t give him passwords to my IG and twitter accounts, and to unlock my phone. I stood my ground and told him no, and he kind of dropped it, but the whole convo just left me feeling salty.

To be clear, outside of the insecurity issues, I love my boyfriend. He really is a great guy, and I know he’s acting like this because his two boyfriends before me cheated on him apparently. But I can’t do much more of this. What should I do?

From,

BF Problems

Dating

I Want Love But I’m Tired of Chasing Men

Tavion,

I really appreciate your site and the advice you give. The community needs your advice, and I need your advice right now. My issue has to deal with chasing. I’m single and honestly I’m tired of chasing guys. It’s the same thing too. I meet a guy on a dating app or social media, show him some interest, he appears to return the interest, and then I spend like a month chasing him for me not to end up in a relationship. The shit is getting old.

Do you know how frustrating it is to think you’re talking to a guy trying to build something only for nothing to happen? I mean some of the guys I chase, I don’t even get to the point where we go on a dates. And while being single has its advantages, I’m trying to get boo’d the hell up. I know you have to pursue what you want in life, but I want to be pursued. I want people to call me, or hit me with a good morning and good night text. What advice do you have for me so I can date different in 2019?

From,

Tryna Glow Up

Dating, relationships

We Had Sex on the First Date, But Now He’s Claiming “Celibacy”?

T,

First off, Happy New Year to you. Man I hope it’s a good one. The question I have for you is about this guy I’ve been talking to that I met on Twitter. About two days before Christmas we finally went on our first date. The date was great and ended us having great sex, or at least I thought. We went out again recently, and he tells me that he doesn’t want to have sex anymore until we get to know each other better. I was thrown so when I asked him if there was a problem, he said he just didn’t want us to start something that was just about sex. I get that, but we’ve already had sex. I don’t see the problem. It’s not like I don’t want to build something with him too. I just feel some type of way I guess. It’s not like I’m going to beg him for sex, but I do want to have it and have no idea when he’ll be ready again. I’ve never had complaints about my performance, EVER, but now I’m thinking he didn’t like it or something. Feel a little paranoid about that. What are your thoughts?

-RJ094

Dating

Why You Should Leave Someone’s Romantic Past in the Past

Hey folks,

I just want to drop a little advice that I hope helps somebody in the pursuit of love.  While this advice may not be that revolutionary in context, it’s still important nonetheless. Let it serve as a reminder to those who are single and searching. So without further delay, the advice I have for you all today is this. Someone’s past is someone’s past, and you shouldn’t let that prevent you from finding “Bae”.

relationships

My Boyfriend Wants to Have a Threesome, But I’m not Sure I’m Ready

What do you do when your boyfriend wants to start having a threesome but you aren’t ready? Straight and to the point, my boyfriend and I have been together for about two years and for about a month now he has been hinting at spicing up our sex life. I tried putting on sexy underwear and we tried toys, but he still thinks we lack excitement. I don’t completely disagree, but it seems like he feels more strongly about it than I do. So when I asked what else he wants to try, he asked how I would feel about inviting someone in sexually every once and a while. I’m not really feeling the idea, because I’m pretty sure I’d get super jealous. Then there’s the fact,  I keep thinking once we open this door, it will lead to cheating, and I don’t have time. I appreciate your thoughts on this, because my friends were kind of split on their advice.

-The Jealous One

relationships

We Moved in Together and Now He Tells Me He’s Celibate

Hey T,

I have an interesting situation and I’d love to get your opinion.  My boyfriend and I made a decision early on to move in together.  We were spending all of our time together and both needed to move and it didn’t make sense to pay two separate rents.  This actually isn’t the issue, things are going amazingly and it’s probably one of the best risks I’ve ever taken.  The issue came in because he refuses to be intimate with me.

I noticed right away, and started to worry. After the first week, it happened when he came home from being out late and hasn’t happened since. I was starting to feel insecure like the problem is me, like maybe he wasn’t attracted to me but that’s not the problem. He’s very sweet very affectionate VERY Hands-on and I can clearly see him reacting and that he wants to go further but he always stops.

When I finally asked him about it he said he wants to wait until we have a deeper connection or possibly marriage. Obviously this is something you discuss with someone before getting in a relationship, let alone moving in with them which he didn’t and I’m starting to wonder if it is the fact that he is just more traditional, or am I his beard, or am I overreacting?

He hasn’t given me any reason to doubt him he’s always home after work, surprises me and cooks me dinner everything in our relationship is great communication wise, we actively are engaged in our decision to move in and I am SO very happy except for the lack of sex. He’s aware that I’m bothered that he didn’t discuss the “waiting” and I told him that he took that choice away from me, even if I decided to continue getting to know him I would’ve liked to make that choice on my own. I just pictured this differently and I’m really trying to respect his wishes and give the waiting a chance, but I want to make sure I’m not being blind and stupid. Please help, and please be easy on me lol, thanks.

-TD

relationships

My Boyfriend and I Aren’t Having Sex Like We Used To

Tavion,

What are you supposed to do when you’re boyfriend stops touching you like he used to? My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and a half now, and for the past couple of months we haven’t been having sex as regularly as we used to. We don’t live together, but we used to have sex about 4 if not more times a week. Now, we’re at like once a week. I get I may be a tad thicker, like 10 pounds heavier than I used to be when we met, and he’s been busier with his new job, but damn. I asked my best friend his thoughts on the situation, and he put out the idea that my boyfriend could be cheating. My friend is jaded so I’m trying not to take his words to heart. Besides, my boyfriend is a terrible liar so I would know. Interested in hearing your thoughts.

– Le Sigh

friendship, relationships

Should I Tell My Best Friend I’m in Love with Him? Or Should I Check My Feelings?

Hey T!

I’ve been in love with my best friend for most of our friendship, but we’ve never been able to actually have a relationship. We’ve actually been friends since first grade and now we’re both in our 30s. He was the first person I came out to, and even my very first kiss. We’ve messed around before, had threesomes, and even talked about the possibility of us having a relationship, but I don’t understand why we’ve never taken it to the next level.

What makes things worse, he has a tendency to date dudes that are way too similar to me. They’ve even had birthdays, days apart from mine. His boyfriends will either get jealous of our friendship or reach out to me to get advice on dealing with him.

His last two relationships were with two guys we were just supposed to be friends with and then he started dating them behind my back, only for me to find out later and then be forced to deal with the relationship and play the background.

Why does it seem like I’m always the rebound after he breaks up with these similar dudes? Do I need to end this friendship once and for all? Or do I just need to get my feelings in check?

– Dafeon

relationships

I Love Them, and They Treat Me Like Trash. What’s Wrong with Me?

Hi,

How are you T? I can’t say I know exactly who you are, but I’ve been googling some stuff and I found your page. The thing is, I just needed someone to talk to.

Well first, I’m a 29 years old woman who comes from an Arabic Islam country were the girl is supposed to stay virgin till marriage, but that’s not my case. I lost my virginity 3 years ago to someone I was deeply in love with, though he was the most abusive person you’ll ever meet.  This guy totally ruined my life. He used to humiliate and beat me. He even broke my nose once and gave me several black eyes. He was cheating on me like every day with several women, to the extent that he would try to talk to a girl and flirt with her and take her number while we were together eating or drinking.  In any place he would get furious and start to beat me or call me names and humiliate me in public.

He got me pregnant twice, and of course we aborted the two babies because in my country you can’t have babies without being married. And I remember that the first time we both didn’t know I was pregnant. We had this huge fight during which he kicked me in my stomach, and few hours later I found myself severely bleeding and that’s how I knew I was pregnant. I really can’t tell you how much I suffered during those 5 years. I was totally destroyed and broken physically, mentally and emotionally.

Finally, I was able to get myself out of this toilet called a relationship, but with a huge cost. I was no longer a virgin and that’s a big deal where I come from. I was so scared that my parents would know about me losing my virginity or that I would never get married, because who would want a girl that’s not a virgin? I was so ashamed of myself to the extent that I wished I was dead. I suffered from a severe depression. I used to spend nights and nights on my bed crying and begging for death.

Finally after 8 months of depression, I started to get on my feet again. I got back to my friends and family and to my normal life. Then I met someone. He was a doctor and a true gentleman, or that’s how he acted . I was not ready to get into any kind of relationship, but he didn’t take no as an answer and he kept chasing me with flowers and gifts and pushing me till I agreed to be with him.

He was really nice to me. He use to take care of me and I got so attached to him that I decided to tell him everything about my past and what I have been through. He was very understanding and nice, and he accepted what I said. He told me that he loved me and he didn’t care about anything else. Also, he confessed to me that he was married, got divorced, and that he can’t have kids.  I felt more in love with him after that day and got even closer to him. But of course since I was not a virgin he wanted to have sex.

Like every time we met it was just sex and nothing else. We spent 5 months together, and I’ll spare you the details, but he made me pregnant with twins.  Unfortunately, I went for an abortion for a third time.  That totally ruined me because I needed those babies. I wanted to have kids, but of course that was not possible. Anyway, to cut this short I found out that the decent doctor is still married and he lives happily with his wife. I was totally shocked when I knew the truth. I didn’t know what to do, and still don’t.

He knew that I knew the truth but never tried to call me to explain or even apologize for the pain he caused me. I tried to contact him several times, but of course he never answered. What have I done wrong? Why do they all treat me like a piece of trash? I feel like I’m in a huge mess and I really don’t know what to do. I feel totally alone and scared. Do you think he’ll ever call and apologize?  Do you think I’ll ever find true love? Tell me what to do not to be used again by anyone.

– R