relationships

My Man Never Told Me He Had a Kid

T,

Let me warn you, this is going to be a complicated question.  Well it’s complicated to me at least. I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 4 years.  If you were to ask me 2 weeks ago, I would have said we were for sure going to get married.  We bought a house together and everything.  However 2 weeks ago while he was on a guys trip with his best friends, I checked the mail and saw a letter addressed to him marked urgent. Or maybe it said important notice.  It said something.  Anyway, I was naturally concerned, so I opened the letter to see if there was something I could take care of for him while he was enjoying his vacation.  Reading the letter, I was stunned to learn it was a notice for a missed child support payment. I read that notice from top to bottom to make sure it was actually for my boyfriend and it was.  I wanted to call him right then and there to ask him what was up, because he never told me he had a child.  But my best friend told me to wait until he got home and confront him, so I did.

As soon as he walked through the door, I started asking questions trying to get answers.  I thought maybe he had cheated on me with a woman or something in the time we’ve been together.  I’m not sure if I should be thankful for it or not, but he told me his kid is 9 years old. He promised me he never cheated on me.  So when I asked why he never told me he had a child and why I’ve never seen her, he told me he doesn’t see her that often because he doesn’t have a good relationship with her mother.

I’m just so hurt by all this.  I don’t know what to do here?  I love him so much and have envisioned a future with this man, but now I don’t know if I can trust him.  Then there’s the fact his relationship with his daughter is not the best.  He swears he talks to her at least once a week and has never missed a child support payment before now, but the fact he doesn’t see her bothers me.  We’ve lived together for over a year, and that child has yet to be in our house.  Apparently, she only lives about 5 hours away.

Long story short, what should I do?  What would you do if you were in my shoes?

From,

Dazed and Confused