relationships

My Weight, Our Problem

Dear T,

Should I expect my boyfriend to still want to be with me if I’ve gained weight since we first started dating?  I mean we still love each other, but I have put on about 30 pounds in the 1 ½ years we’ve been together.  And I’ve noticed we don’t have sex as often, but not sure if I should chalk that up to my weight or not.  Your advice would be appreciated.

From,

Lil Thicker

relationships

Moving in with My College Bae

Dear T,

First off, let me say how much I enjoy reading your posts.  I haven’t read all of them, but the ones that I did read, I loved.  With that said, I hoping you will be able to help me like you’ve helped other people.  See I’m a junior in college right now, and I have a boyfriend here that is a sophomore.  We both live on campus.  Well in a few months, our school will open up housing selections for next year, and I’m thinking of asking him if he wants to live together.  I would like to be able to go to his dorm room or him to come to my apartment, and not have to worry about whose roommate is home.  Plus, it would be nice to get some regularly available loving if you know what I mean.  I’m just hesitant my boyfriend won’t say yes if I ask him, or that moving in together will cause some friction in our relationship.  But what do you think.

From,

J. Rock17

relationships

Instagram is a Problem in My Relationship

Dear T,

Would you be comfortable with your boyfriend constantly posting pictures of himself half naked on Instagram?  My boo of 3 years has recently got pretty ripped, and is constantly placing his body on display.  I get that he is proud of his hard work and dedication, but some of the comments under his picture have me feeling some type of way.  Women and men are saying how much they want to have him in bed, or do things with him I rather not repeat.  He tells me I just need to ignore the comments and know that he only wants me.  However, I can’t help but to feel a little insecure.  I really want him to stop with the pictures.  I may have him, but don’t want to lose him.  What should I do here?

From,

A Little Sick and A Little Tired

Dating, friendship, relationships

Letter to a Younger Me…What Would You Tell a Younger You?

Dear Younger Self,

Don’t file this away as spam, or as something completely irrelevant.   I want you to take time to really think on the words I’m about to share with you.  Not because I’ve all of a sudden discovered the answers to all of life’s problems.  Or because I desperately want to be another person today.  But instead, look at my letter as words of wisdom from a more knowledgeable you.  Words to help you to be a little less naive about somethings as you get older.   After all besides Jesus, I’m the only that truly knows the real you.  Including the “you” that you try to keep hidden and the “you” that you don’t even know exists yet.

Dating, relationships

Your Boyfriend is Cheating with Me

Dear T,

So I’ve been messing around with this man who technically already has a partner.  There is nothing between us really, but great sex once or twice a week.  Plus, he doesn’t mind dropping a little coin on me every now and then.  However, I recently told a close friend about my thing with this man and she basically told me what I’m doing is wrong.  I told her, I’m not the one cheating, he is.  And the guilt should lie with him.  She on the other hand believes I’m wrong too because I know he’s involved and I’m breaking up a happy home or whatever.  I mean but what do you think?

From,

Free Spirited Bobby

Dating, relationships, The Lifestyle

An Ex is Threatening Me

Dear T,

I’m in a bad situation and need some help.  This guy I fooled around with for about a month, is now threatening to out me.  I mean I admit I didn’t end things that well with him, but I didn’t do anything to him to make him try to ruin my life.  If the people at my college find out I like men, I won’t be able to hear the end of it.  My friends won’t treat me the same, and may not even want to be my friends.  How do I stop this guy?

From,

Concerned College Boy

Dear Concerned College Boy,

Thank you for writing to me.  I’m sorry to hear that you feel you are being backed into a corner. It sucks to feel you are being stripped of your right to privacy.  Unfortunately, when you are discrete or still in the closet, you gamble with your right to privacy to a degree every time you open up your legs to another man.  In fact, gay, straight, lesbian, or bi, people always risk the exposure of their nighttime escapades when they involve another human being.  While we would hope our bedroom partner would adhere to unspoken rules of confidence, that’s not always the case.

From what you’ve told me, it sounds like you have stumbled across what I would call a “messy individual.”  (I actually would use another term, but I don’t want to offend.)  As has always been my belief, I never think it’s okay for someone to out another.  Unless, there is an issue of life or death, or in some cases marriage is involved.  My list of exceptions is a topic for another day.

The way I see it, you have two options to choose from here.  First, you could offer this guy a heartfelt apology.  Own up to wronging him, and wish him well in his future endeavors.  By no means, should this apology express a desire to reignite what you two had going, or a hope for a friendship.  You don’t want this type of person in your inner circle.  Trust me!

Option two would be to use his threat as the push you need to embrace who you are and see if those closest to you will do the same.  If your friends find out you are gay, there is the possibility they won’t care you are gay and embrace you just the same.  However, if your friends do decide to turn their back on you because of your sexuality, then maybe they aren’t friends worth having.

On one final note, please keep in mind that this guy could be bluffing.  He may never tell your friends about your sexuality.  There could be a possibility, that he just likes being able to hold something over your head for now.  And perhaps you could ride out the storm.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Be careful of the company you keep. The head on your shoulders is usually the smarter of the two. LOL!

 

  1. It may be easier said than done, but don’t ever let anyone turn your sexuality into a weapon with which to harm you.

 

  1. If you apologize to this guy, and he still is compelled to out you, then beat him to the punch. Friends would rather you tell them, then some messy stranger.

As always nothing but love,

T.

Dating, relationships

My Boyfriend Has a Sex Tape Online…What to Do?

Dear T,

I’ve been seeing this guy for about a month now, and everything was going great.  But a few days ago he told me something that has got me really questioning a future with him.   He told me that a year ago he and his boyfriend of the time made a sex video, and that the video is somewhere on the tube.  I tried to play it cool when he told me, but I’m kind of freaking out.  I don’t know if I can make someone bae, when bae has spread his cheeks for the world to see.  I tried looking for the video but can’t find it, and he didn’t tell me the title of it.  I didn’t really ask either I guess.  So what advice do you have for me T?  Could use some.

-Surprised Dater

Pop Culture, relationships

Adele Has Me in My Feelings

Hi T,

Believe it or not, that new Adele song has had me thinking lately about my ex-boyfriend.  Despite the fact that we broke up 4 months ago, and we both have started dating other people, the song made me realize I still love him and didn’t get closure after the breakup.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to get back together with him or anything.  But I’m just saying.  Actually, I guess I don’t know what I’m saying.  Guess I’m asking you to help me make sense of my emotions.

From,

Hello 88

Dating, friendship, relationships

Found Out I’m Guilty of “Crew Love”

Dear T,

I started seeing this guy about a month ago, and things have been going great.  That is, until we recently added each other on Instagram.  Going through his pictures, I noticed that there is this one man that is in quite a few of them.  I naturally asked the guy I’m dating who the man is, and he tells me it’s his God brother.  He said they’ve known each other since they were kids.   So the issue here is, I actually slept with the God brother about two years ago.  It was an after club hookup.  Anyways, I don’t know if I should tell the guy I’m dating or not.  And if I do tell him, when that should be.  I like this guy and want to see where this goes.  Help would be appreciated.

Signed,

Jacob Doe

relationships

While He’s Flirting, I’m Jealous

 Dear T,

My damn boyfriend is driving me crazy.  As much as I love him, lately I’ve been wanting to kick his ass.  When I tell you he is biggest flirt, I mean it.  He’ll flirt with members at the gym, employees at the grocery store, waiters at any restaurant, and men on IG.  When I mention the problem I have with his flirting, he always respond the same way.  “Babe you know I’m not cheating, I love you.”  And then my personal favorite, “You know I’m just a natural flirt, it means nothing.  Don’t you trust me?”  I mean I do trust him, but man.  What do you think I should do here?

From,

Angry Bey