relationships

I Suggested the Open Relationship, and He Got a Woman Pregnant

T,

I need some advice about a weird and frustrating problem I’m dealing with. Basically me and my boyfriend are in an open relationship while my job has me on the other side of the country for nine months.  My boyfriend is legit bisexual, and I know sometimes he may crave something I don’t have. So while we’re in the open relationship, I told him it was okay if he hooked up with women. Also, even though we agreed I could top men only, I haven’t done it. I couldn’t bring myself to sleep with anyone. Well now this whole open relationship idea, which was kind of my suggestion, bit me in the ass.

Last week I found out from my boyfriend that a woman he slept with is pregnant. I’m still shook by the news. I’m mad he knocked a woman and I’m mad he was out here not being careful. My boyfriend apologized and told me he doesn’t want to be with anyone but me. He pretty much begged me not leave him. I’m just not sure I can do this situation. I love him and thought about us having kids one day, but not like this.

What would you do if you were me?

-Is This Endgame

Pop Culture, relationships

My Boyfriend is White, and Doesn’t Get Why I’m So Mad

Dear T,

While I love my man, we’ve recently come into a problem I’m not sure how to feel about. In light of what’s been happening with Gucci and Prada and their blackface controversies, my boyfriend and I recently had a conversation about it. Before I go any further you should know that I’m black and my boyfriend is white. The reason I guess that matters is because he basically told me he understands white people dressing in blackface is wrong, and he would never do it, but thought people may be overreacting to Gucci and Prada designs. He thinks the companies had designers who were just designing, and had no racist intentions behind their designs.

I responded to him by telling him that may be true, but that doesn’t negate the fact that the designs are offensive. I told him the black community has every right to be offended and boycott the labels. He responded that not everything has to be about black and white, which really pissed me off. As much as I love my boyfriend, I’m disappointed in his attitude about this. He’s not racist clearly, but damn it. Even though we agreed to disagree, I’m still salty. I guess the question I have is how do I get him to see that what Gucci and Prada did is a big deal? Heck, how do I now not look at him differently?

Thanks,

Mike & Ike 95

friendship

How Do you Tell Your Best Friend The Guy He’s Seeing is NO Good?

Dear Tavion,

The problem I’m having lately is with my best friend and the guy he’s been dating.  See my best friend is one of the sweetest guys in the world. He’ll do anything for you, is always there when you need him, and always tries to see the good in people.  Me on the other hand, I’m not so trusting of people, and I’m definitely not so trusting of my friend’s man.  My gut tells me this guy is using my friend.  From what my friend tells me, every time he and this guy go out, my friend always pays.  The guy doesn’t even offer.  I also found out that my friend recently paid for this guy’s phone bill. I want to scream to my friend he’s being stupid and probably being used because he has some money, but my friend can be sensitive sometimes. Last time I tried to tell him about a man he was seeing, he got upset and we didn’t speak for a few days.  Keep in mind that I was actually right. How do I handle this situation this go around?

-Philly Tommy

relationships

My Boyfriend No Longer Wants Me to Go On His Friends’ Vacation

Hi

My boyfriend and I have been going out for about six months. We met on holiday and jumped straight into a serious relationship. A week before my birthday he invited me to go interrailing with him and a couple of his friends. I was delighted, but unsure of the logistics as I am only 17 and he and his friends are 18.

He has now uninvited me which really hurt my feelings. I don’t think he should have asked me if he wasn’t sure and I tried to tell him how it really upset me but he didn’t seem to be that understanding. What should I do?

-Uninvited

relationships

If the Relationship Is No Longer Working for You, You Can Leave

Hello T,

Nice work here, and talking to you is like talking to a big bro.  Ok that being said, I am a top guy and I am in love with this guy crazily and I know he loves me back in ways I can’t recant. I would say we are perfectly made in heaven for each other.  When we are together I feel like nothing else matters.  We met 6 years ago and he was straight and he wanted to explore the gay side and that’s when we got together. Since then, we’ve done everything together. We have built our lives together like a married couple. But about a month ago he invited his ex-girlfriend home, and one thing led into another and they had sex in the night while I was asleep.

To cut the long story short, ever since that one night of sex, a relationship has been born between them.  Like she comes over virtually every week and he has introduced her to everyone around as his girlfriend.  They talk about things that signals marriage in the long run, but he tells me he only likes her but loves me. He says she is a public cover because of the environment we come from typically African. Right now, I am confused and I feel broken.  I feel like a square peg that has been forced into a round hole. He feels he doesn’t have a future with me beyond this. T, I can’t find words anymore but I just hope you get the picture. I think of going out to have my own share of it all but that would signal payback………

-Karibi

The Lifestyle

I’m Single and Don’t Want to Be…Where Is My Bae?

Hello Tavion,

Please help a brother out! I have a huge dilemma. I’m Black, Bisexual, Christian, and Undetectable…..need I say more? It has become extremely difficult to have a lasting relationship with either gender. I have been cut short because of my race, my beliefs, my sexuality, and/or my status.  I am at a point where I’m ready (been ready) to settle down, build a life with my partner, and start a family. What to do?

BBCU

Dating, friendship

Friend or Bae?…. Should I Tell My Friend I Like Him?

Hey Mr T,

I love your blog. The advice is always awesome. But I am currently talking to someone but I am in love with my best friend who is also currently talking to someone. I want to tell him how I feel but I don’t want to mess up a great friendship or make things awkward between us. We talk everyday all day. We take trips together. Do things together all the time. I just don’t know what to do because I’m in love with him but vibing with someone else.  What should I do?

Sincerely,

A lost love

relationships

My Boyfriend’s Friend Uninvited Me and I’m Uptight About It

Hey T,

It’s definitely been a while since I’ve visited your site.   I have always enjoyed the advice you’ve given others, along with your viewpoint.  So here’s the situation….  My boyfriend and I had planned to take a trip together (for an organization he is affiliated with).  The purpose of me going was just so that he’d have someone to ride with him and also to be supportive.  Initially we were supposed to stay with his friend (who’s married), but he learned that his friend’s spouse has apprehension of house guests that he doesn’t know (Understandable, right?).  Being that my boyfriend is currently in between jobs right now, it was more economical to crash at his friends place.  After telling the friend that he would like to come but really wants me to come along with him, the friend suggests that he just comes alone.   My boyfriend gave it some thought and said, sure I’ll still come.  I am feeling a certain type of way about it, because I feel that my plans have now been altered and it doesn’t show us “strong” or unified.  I want to bring it up to him but I don’t know how to approach it without being argumentative and want to avoid any conflict of him having to choose.  Any suggestions? What’s your take on this with provided info?

-Uninvited

Dating

Cuffing Season and the “Trap of the Ex”

Given that Cuffing Season has again swung into full effect, I feel obligated to issue a public warning.  I feel compelled to cautioned readers against falling into the “Trap of the Ex.”  Usually during Cuffing Season, exes have a way of popping up out of the blue like clockwork.  It’s as if a sensor goes off alerting them that it’s that special time of year and their former bae is single.  Heck, if I’m honest, the ex may not know or care if the former bae is single, and still feel compelled to reach out in some way.  If none of this sounds familiar to you yet, allow me to make it a little more personal for you.

Pop Culture

Hoe and Freak: Two Words, Two Meanings

Not sure when it happened, or how it happened, but at some point in the history of this country, two words in the English language became synonyms.  People began using the two terms interchangeably as if they meant the same thing.  But, there is a problem with that.  The two expressions don’t in fact mean the same thing. To be clear, I’m referring to the words “hoe” and “freak.”