I need advice on how to get over/get my mind off of something that my boyfriend did before we were dating.
My boyfriend of five months just recently told me that he has sent nudes (pictures and videos) to over 100 people. This is in a span of a few years before we have been together, up to right before we started getting serious. He told me this less than a week ago, and it’s something that I have not been able to stop thinking about. It is changing the way I view him and act toward him.
I knew he had sent nudes in the past. Right when we became ‘official, he scrolled past a folder in his phone that had countless nude pictures and videos of other men. He deleted the folder and I trust that he is not sending nudes anymore. The thing that bothers me most is that: 1) so many people have seen such a sensitive part of him, 2) if he sent it to that many people, odds are that there is some content of him online and still in the hands of many people, and 3) these people still follow him on social media, know who I am from his posts, and know that we are together.
I have never been one to openly send nudes to people, so I just don’t understand why he would want to do that to so many, even when single. The other day even, I scrolled past a nude photo of someone I don’t know on Twitter, and it turns out he has exchanged nudes with that person. That made it settle in for me how many people I might or might not come in contact with, that has seen him like that.
I really want to continue this relationship. He makes me happy, he is patient and understanding with me and I believe I can trust him. I want to continue this relationship, but I don’t want to keep being miserable and keep thinking about how many people he has sent nudes to.
Your advice would be greatly appreciated
Here’s the situation. I was dealing with a guy that I had strong feelings for. He didn’t have as deep of a connection for me as I did him. We talked and we became friends, very good platonic friends. A few months later we become roommates. I moved into his home renting a room. Things are great, I’ve had my overnight company, a friend visiting from out of town.
Recently, he’s started having a local consistent friend stay overnight. For whatever reason, I’ve become bothered by this. I don’t know why. We were never together. In hindsight, I can acknowledge that. I openly accept that he and I aren’t supposed to be together. He has had people come over, they did whatever they did, and they’d leave. I don’t know why I’m feeling bothered by my friend finding someone he can spend time with consistently. Can you help me process this?
Hi, I really need some advice. I just figured out my aunt has been dating my ex-boyfriend for about 2 years. I don’t think either of them knows that I’m her niece. This guy I was almost engaged to and I had helped him pick a house out that now my aunt is going to live in. It’s been 10 years and we only broke up because my uncle who I lived with at the time told my ex whopper lies. I’m so hurt and I just don’t know what to do? How do I tell my aunt without wanting to punch her and scream at her?
I need some advice about a weird and frustrating problem I’m dealing with. Basically me and my boyfriend are in an open relationship while my job has me on the other side of the country for nine months. My boyfriend is legit bisexual, and I know sometimes he may crave something I don’t have. So while we’re in the open relationship, I told him it was okay if he hooked up with women. Also, even though we agreed I could top men only, I haven’t done it. I couldn’t bring myself to sleep with anyone. Well now this whole open relationship idea, which was kind of my suggestion, bit me in the ass.
Last week I found out from my boyfriend that a woman he slept with is pregnant. I’m still shook by the news. I’m mad he knocked a woman and I’m mad he was out here not being careful. My boyfriend apologized and told me he doesn’t want to be with anyone but me. He pretty much begged me not leave him. I’m just not sure I can do this situation. I love him and thought about us having kids one day, but not like this.
What would you do if you were me?
-Is This Endgame
While I love my man, we’ve recently come into a problem I’m not sure how to feel about. In light of what’s been happening with Gucci and Prada and their blackface controversies, my boyfriend and I recently had a conversation about it. Before I go any further you should know that I’m black and my boyfriend is white. The reason I guess that matters is because he basically told me he understands white people dressing in blackface is wrong, and he would never do it, but thought people may be overreacting to Gucci and Prada designs. He thinks the companies had designers who were just designing, and had no racist intentions behind their designs.
I responded to him by telling him that may be true, but that doesn’t negate the fact that the designs are offensive. I told him the black community has every right to be offended and boycott the labels. He responded that not everything has to be about black and white, which really pissed me off. As much as I love my boyfriend, I’m disappointed in his attitude about this. He’s not racist clearly, but damn it. Even though we agreed to disagree, I’m still salty. I guess the question I have is how do I get him to see that what Gucci and Prada did is a big deal? Heck, how do I now not look at him differently?
Mike & Ike 95
The problem I’m having lately is with my best friend and the guy he’s been dating. See my best friend is one of the sweetest guys in the world. He’ll do anything for you, is always there when you need him, and always tries to see the good in people. Me on the other hand, I’m not so trusting of people, and I’m definitely not so trusting of my friend’s man. My gut tells me this guy is using my friend. From what my friend tells me, every time he and this guy go out, my friend always pays. The guy doesn’t even offer. I also found out that my friend recently paid for this guy’s phone bill. I want to scream to my friend he’s being stupid and probably being used because he has some money, but my friend can be sensitive sometimes. Last time I tried to tell him about a man he was seeing, he got upset and we didn’t speak for a few days. Keep in mind that I was actually right. How do I handle this situation this go around?
My boyfriend and I have been going out for about six months. We met on holiday and jumped straight into a serious relationship. A week before my birthday he invited me to go interrailing with him and a couple of his friends. I was delighted, but unsure of the logistics as I am only 17 and he and his friends are 18.
He has now uninvited me which really hurt my feelings. I don’t think he should have asked me if he wasn’t sure and I tried to tell him how it really upset me but he didn’t seem to be that understanding. What should I do?
Nice work here, and talking to you is like talking to a big bro. Ok that being said, I am a top guy and I am in love with this guy crazily and I know he loves me back in ways I can’t recant. I would say we are perfectly made in heaven for each other. When we are together I feel like nothing else matters. We met 6 years ago and he was straight and he wanted to explore the gay side and that’s when we got together. Since then, we’ve done everything together. We have built our lives together like a married couple. But about a month ago he invited his ex-girlfriend home, and one thing led into another and they had sex in the night while I was asleep.
To cut the long story short, ever since that one night of sex, a relationship has been born between them. Like she comes over virtually every week and he has introduced her to everyone around as his girlfriend. They talk about things that signals marriage in the long run, but he tells me he only likes her but loves me. He says she is a public cover because of the environment we come from typically African. Right now, I am confused and I feel broken. I feel like a square peg that has been forced into a round hole. He feels he doesn’t have a future with me beyond this. T, I can’t find words anymore but I just hope you get the picture. I think of going out to have my own share of it all but that would signal payback………
Please help a brother out! I have a huge dilemma. I’m Black, Bisexual, Christian, and Undetectable…..need I say more? It has become extremely difficult to have a lasting relationship with either gender. I have been cut short because of my race, my beliefs, my sexuality, and/or my status. I am at a point where I’m ready (been ready) to settle down, build a life with my partner, and start a family. What to do?
Hey Mr T,
I love your blog. The advice is always awesome. But I am currently talking to someone but I am in love with my best friend who is also currently talking to someone. I want to tell him how I feel but I don’t want to mess up a great friendship or make things awkward between us. We talk everyday all day. We take trips together. Do things together all the time. I just don’t know what to do because I’m in love with him but vibing with someone else. What should I do?
A lost love