According to T,
I’m writing you about my problem, because my friends think I’m being an idiot. Hopefully you don’t think the same. The problem I’m having is I still love my ex. Quick backstory, we were only together for a little over a year, but toward the end of the relationship he started acting funny. I found out he was acting funny because his ex popped back up in his life and he realized he still had feelings for him. To be clear he didn’t cheat on me. He said he had feelings for both of us, but I wasn’t about to stick around while he was on the fence about who he wanted to be with, so I dipped.
Recently I ran into my ex at Starbucks, and he looked great. I mean, he was finer than I remember. Anyway, we talked for a little bit at Starbucks, then started texting later that night. He apologized for hurting me, and wishes he handled things between us differently. He says he and his ex weren’t meant to be and he’s completely over him, and he knew that shortly after we broke up. He didn’t call me because he thought I wouldn’t have answered the phone. And he’s right, because at that time I wouldn’t have answered the phone.
Now that some time has gone by, and we’ve cleared things up, I still feel drawn to him. I know he’s still feeling me, because he said he wants us to try again. My friends say I’d be an idiot to let him back in, but damn it I like him. What are your thoughts?
-Still Want Him
I love my boyfriend so damn much, but he keeps telling me white lies. I’ll give you an example. One of our mutual friends recently posted a pic of his gym progress on Instagram and my boyfriend liked it. When I was talking to my boyfriend about how good our friend looks, he tells me he didn’t see the picture. I couldn’t figure out why he told that lie.
To give you another example, 2 months ago through random conversation he told me that the car he drives is all paid off. Then a week ago I saw a deal for like a cute vacation and he told me he didn’t have the money for one right now because he had to pay his car note. White lies like this are driving me nuts.
It’s weird because I feel like he’s truthful with the big things, but I have no idea why he tells these white lies. When I confront him on these lies, he always has an excuse, or tells me I misunderstood him. What would you do in my shoes? Keep in mind, everything else in our relationship is really good.
-Just Want the Truth
I’m 20 weeks pregnant with a man I’ve known for only 6 months. He doesn’t want the baby but he is trying to be there for me. He’s been by my side since we found out. The only problem is he hasn’t told his family and seems like he wants to keep everything a secret. He has not met my family either because I haven’t met his. And my family wants it to be that way out of respect until I get to meet his family.
He recently told me he told his older sister about the pregnancy. Which is a start… but every day that I am with him he tells me he still can’t believe I put him in this situation.. and he had no choice. Today I finally told him he does not have to be here for me anymore and that I can do it on my own.. knowing his heart is not in it. He’s upset that I made my own decisions and also upset that I can drop everything like that, but how can I stay with someone whose heart and mind is somewhere else.. I rather have him live his life and never look back because it was my decision and my fault for making my own choices. I don’t want it to be forced love either.. He also can’t let go of his ex-girlfriend. I found a photo of her in his wallet. I don’t want him being unhappy with me and playing house with me because he feels bad or feels like he has to be here. I rather set him free and let him live his life with someone he truly wants to be with. I don’t know if I’m making the wrong choice but I also told him I will always be here.. I’m not going anywhere but maybe it’s best for the both of us to go our separate ways.
Knowing it’s 1 sided, I know he cares for me and he does tell me it’s up to me and that I’m pushing him away, but I’m truly not because I know deep down inside this isn’t what he wants. He’s a man with pride and feels like he should be here for me. But I don’t want any fake love, I rather be alone and do things alone then make him feel like I have a hold on him. He’s in pain and is confused and I am thinking about his feelings. And maybe he is just scared to actually make that step to leave or move on because he feels scared to leave us behind. But knows he wants to. He told me he’s thought about it. I decided to save both of us and tell him its ok we can both go on with our lives and I will not bother him anymore. For him to focus on himself only, and this could be a new start for the both of us. I am dying inside but I can’t hurt and force someone to be part of something they never wanted to be part of.
Am I being smart or selfish? I have no idea. I just feel like a horrible person who ruined his life. I am also thinking about myself, I want to adjust being alone and prepare myself for the future and for my baby. Because at the end of the day you only got yourself. So please help me. I’m sorry that was a long read… thank you for your time.