I Didn’t Share My Status, and He Left

Hello T,

I have read a few of your comments, and I must say you give very good advice, so it is with a very heavy heart that I write to you.  See my problem is this, I had been seeing this gentlemen for about four months, we have been intimate with each other for about three of them. You see I am HIV positive and have been since 1987, it is not an easy thing to deal with but has become so over the years.  Except one thing, and that is the rejection when I tell someone my status.  I have been rejected so many times because of it.  But let me tell you, as I said I had been seeing a brotha for a while.  When we had first met and started talking, the issue of HIV never came up, we went out and had some fun and drinks and before we knew it, it was off to the bedroom.  The sex was good, really good, after the first time I started to feel bad because I realized I had not given him notice or a chance to make a decision on whether he wanted to have sex with someone HIV positive.  It took me some time to tell him which I did on may 6th, I told him that I really needed to talk to him about something really serious, and that we should meet when I get home from work in an hour.  He didn’t live far from me, only a 15 minute drive. I got home, called him to come over, but he was kind of busy and just wanted me to tell him over the phone.  I didn’t want to do that, this was a face to face conversation in my book, but he demanded that I tell him, so I did.

Well as expected, it did not go well and I hurt him.  I hurt myself at the same time, it had been weighing on my heart and soul for some time.  I knew he deserved to know for his protection, so I did the right thing and told him.  I realize it was late in the game. He got angry and called me the faggot word.  I apologized over and over, even sent him a very long text doing saying I am so sorry.  I am in tears, feeling sad.  I want to know how he is.  I have been blocked and unfriended.  Now what do I do? It is hurting me and I am sure it is hurting him too.  I broke his trust and maybe his heart at the same time.  I will never again be sexual with anyone without informing them first.  Just like I use to tell guys, and they would run from me, it looks like it has happened again.  My fault I should have told him first.  Now what?

-So Sorry


When Do You Share You’re Positive?

Hey T,

I am an openly gay male. Clean cut, put together, intelligent, good job, morals, and attractive. I have been out of a relationship for the last year and it has been a nightmare. My partner and I broke up due to infidelity. We were together for a little over 5 years. My partner was exposed to HIV, and transmitted to me. There is a lot of stigma in the gay community surrounding this epidemic. But, it is falsely portrayed as ‘Whore Disease”. I only had 1 sexual partner my entire life, which was my partner. I will never have sex with anyone without disclosing my status, but I am being shunned and shut out early on due to me keeping 100 out here. Should I wait to tell someone my status once we get serious, or should I continue to be upfront and getting blown off? Help…

-Robin Hood