relationships

Committing to a Man, that’s Neglected His Commitment to His Child

Before I dive deep into this post, let me first say that this is not a post meant to bash anyone or their parenting abilities necessarily. I’m proud to have created a platform that doesn’t make a habit of judging other people or hurling out insults. However with that said, there are some things I tend to have a very strong opinion about, and relationships between estranged parents and their children is one of them. I probably have such strong opinions because I don’t really have much a relationship with my own father, but that’s a story for a different post. Anyway, let’s go ahead and get started.

The Lifestyle

My Son May Be Gay, What Should I Do?

 Hello T,

I need some help here for my son.  If he is gay that is fine and if not that is fine too. He started hanging with a friend he met and they get along great, which is cool. The thing is my son says he is confused because he likes to hang with his friend because he likes his values and the way he thinks but he does not like penis and his new friend is 100% gay. So what advice can I help give to him. I told him it seems like a companionship more than a relationship but they are pretty close in comparison and hard to help him understand what it is he has.  I just love my son no matter what, and I just feel you can give some really good advice.

Thank you so very much,

J.

The Lifestyle

Kim’s Ordeal is NO Laughing Matter!

Today I’ve decided to delay my original post for today to talk about no other than Kim Kardashian-West.  As you guys know, I don’t talk about a ton of pop culture on here, and I’ve never talked about Kim.  However, I felt compelled to say something in light of the unfortunate circumstances she has recently faced, and those that feel her misfortunes are somehow a laughing matter.

As I’m sure you all have heard by now, the reality star was robbed at gunpoint while in a “secluded” apartment building in Paris.  According to her details of the incident, she was bound and manhandled, while in fear that she would be raped or even murdered.  Before the robbers had the opportunity to gag her to prevent her from talking, she allegedly begged for her life offering the robbers anything they wanted.   She begged for life for the sake of her children.  Not for her, but for her two kids.  In that moment, she was reduced from a high profile celebrity, to a wife and mother of two.  It’s this part that get’s to me the most.

friendship

Giving Unsolicited Advice to a Mother

Dear T,

I’m going to try and keep this brief.  I’ve been friends with this girl for a little over a year.  Recently, I have been going over to her house to hang out from time to time, and noticed how she treats her children.  She has two boys and treats them both completely different. The youngest, she babies a lot and caters to his needs.  With her young teenage son, she is a bit harder on him.  I’m all for tough love, but she treats him like some neighbor’s son instead of her own.   Better yet, it’s like the teenager is Cinderella, and the youngest is one of the sisters. Except in this situation, the youngest is not mean at all, and the oldest is biologically my friend’s child. He rarely cracks a smile when I’m over there.  When I tried talking to him one on one, he was reluctant to share his feelings with me.  Everything in me is telling me to mind my business, and let my friend parent how she wants to parent.  However, she recently shared with me that the youngest boy asked her why the oldest boy hates him.  It seemed to break her heart, and I want to tell her that it’s her fault.  What should I do here?  Sorry if it’s not that brief.

-Cautiously concerned.

relationships

I Want to Cuss Out His Mother

Dear T,

Do you think it’s okay to tell your boyfriend that his mama is an evil b*tch?  Excuse my language, but that woman really works on my nerve.  Anytime my boyfriend brings her around me, she throws nothing but shade and side eyes my way.  I’m honestly tired of it.  I try to be respectful, but she never returns the courtesy.  And my boo is a big mama’s boy.  What am I supposed to do here?  I’d appreciate the help.

From,

Just About Done

 

Dear Just About Done,

Thanks for writing to me.  Let me start by saying that absolutely no one wants to deal with a nightmare of a “mother-in-law” figure.  Being the target for your boo’s mom’s shade sucks and doesn’t really put you in the most comfortable position.  I’m sure you have been fighting the very strong urge to clap back and use more than a few choice words. So I commend you on your self-control and your ability to hold your tongue.  Which you are really going to have to keep doing here.  At least where the mother is concerned.

If you are blatantly and intentionally being disrespected by this lady, then you need to pressure your man to address it, so you don’t have to.  I’m not sure if your boyfriend is around when all the shade is being thrown; but if he is, then he really owes you the common courtesy of interjecting during the insulting moments.  No guy should want to see someone he loves being chewed on like a dog bone.  If he’s not in the room when his mother is talking crazy to you, then you make sure you debrief him on all the reading that goes on when he turns his back.

Now you may be wondering why I haven’t encouraged you to go after his mother, but that is a losing situation for you.  No matter how bad she may talks to you, you can’t cuss out this man’s mother.  She birthed him.  And if he is a mama’s boy like you say he is, I guarantee that if you get a slick mouth with his mom, your relationship will find itself on a deathbed.  You could have the most amazing sex ever, and still not trump his mom. LOL!

Suggestions going forward.

  1. When you talk to your boo about this issue, try to be as calm and precise as possible. No need to turn up, but you do need to detail every incident of shade.  If he is going to go to bat for you, he needs all the facts.

 

  1. If your bae is passive about addressing your concerns, then that may mean you need to raise an eyebrow. He doesn’t need to hurl insults at his mother on your behalf, but he does to say something.  He should want you to feel protected.

 

  1. If I were you, I’d press my boo to find out why his mother dislikes me so much. I’d be curious.  It may be she has an issue with him being gay, and you are actualization of his sexuality.  So naturally, although wrong, you would be the target of her aggression.

As always nothing but love,

T.

relationships

I Can’t Stand His Child’s Mother

T,

I’m having a little issue in my relationship.  My boyfriend and I were doing just fine until I met the mother of his child a few weeks ago.  She is a major b*tch.  There is no other way to put it.  When my boyfriend’s daughter had her 6th birthday party, I went because the little girl invited me.  She is my little buddy and my boyfriend encouraged me to go, so I went.  When I got to the party, the baby mama threw me some major shade.  The only time she addressed me was when she was insulting me calling me things like “little boy.”  I spoke to my boyfriend about it after the party, and he told me to just let it go. That it wasn’t worth it.  Which had me feeling some type of way, which caused an argument between him and I.  We’ve since agreed to move past all of this, but in the back of my mind, I’m wondering what happens when this occurs again with this woman?  Hopefully your advice will help me.

-Baby Mama Drama

The Lifestyle

I’m Gay and Mom Can’t Deal

Dear T,

It’s been a few months since I’ve come out to my mom, and things between us are still awkward.  Before I told her I like men, she and I used to be best friends.  We talked about almost any and everything (with the exception of my sexuality of course).  But now, it’s a miracle if we can hold a meaningful conversation without arguing about me being gay.  She thinks I’m in some faze, and is determined to see me out of it.  I keep telling her I am who I am and that’s not changing, but she doesn’t seem to get it.  I know my friends said I should just give her some time to adjust, but how long do I have to wait before I get my friend back?  And do you have any tips on how to get my mom to be okay with all of this?

Thanks,

Mama’s Boy 92