friendship

How Do you Tell Your Best Friend The Guy He’s Seeing is NO Good?

Dear Tavion,

The problem I’m having lately is with my best friend and the guy he’s been dating.  See my best friend is one of the sweetest guys in the world. He’ll do anything for you, is always there when you need him, and always tries to see the good in people.  Me on the other hand, I’m not so trusting of people, and I’m definitely not so trusting of my friend’s man.  My gut tells me this guy is using my friend.  From what my friend tells me, every time he and this guy go out, my friend always pays.  The guy doesn’t even offer.  I also found out that my friend recently paid for this guy’s phone bill. I want to scream to my friend he’s being stupid and probably being used because he has some money, but my friend can be sensitive sometimes. Last time I tried to tell him about a man he was seeing, he got upset and we didn’t speak for a few days.  Keep in mind that I was actually right. How do I handle this situation this go around?

-Philly Tommy

Dating

If We’re Not in a Relationship Yet, Should I Buy a Valentine’s Day Gift?

T,

I have a question for you.  Should I be buying a Valentine’s Day gift for a guy I’ve only been dating for 3 weeks?  It’s weird because part of me thinks it’s kind of early for me to spend money on a gift for someone I’m not sure I’m going to be with a month for now. I mean the guy is cool, and we click, but our thing is still pretty early. Then there’s the whole thing that if I get him something, but he doesn’t get me anything, I may feel some type of way.  Although, I don’t want him to be pissed if he buys me something, but I decide not to get him anything.  Maybe I shouldn’t be this worried about it, but we are supposed to meet up Valentine’s Day and I’m running out of time to think on it. You’re help would be much appreciated.

-Black Cupid 93

The Lifestyle

Top 5 Reasons Millennials Must Vote

Folks we’ve got less than two weeks until Election Day, and I’ve got one word for you.  VOTE! I know PSAs and the media describe every election as extremely important, but this one truly is.  There is a lot at stake with this election cycle, and if you don’t exercise your right and duty as an American citizen, you’ll be doing this country, and more importantly yourself, a real disservice.  Don’t believe me, well let’s look at some of the things at stake here.

 

  1. Post Obama Race Relations

It should be no secret to anyone that since the election of President Obama, race relations in this country have taken some unfortunate steps back.  The fact people must chant “Black lives matter” in 2016 is just sad.  I for one don’t want to let my vote go uncast knowing politicians hold a lot of power in making sure this country is truly dedicated to seeing that there is real “justice and liberty for all.”  Marching in the streets and posting named hashtags is symbolic and sentimental; but, if you want to make a real difference, you’ll show up to the polls.

 

  1. Potential for War Deployment of Troops

With the looming threat of Russia, the ongoing conflict in Iraq and Syria, and the infamous ISIS still present, matters of national security will be increasingly more important during the next presidential term. You’ll want to vote for someone you believe can keep the country safe and out of wars.  Someone that is of sound mind and temperament to engage with other international powers.  I for one don’t want someone that will be like a “bull in a china shop.” (Old country saying for you. LOL)

 

  1. Higher Education Costs

If you are reading this and you’ve never heard of Sallie Mae or Navient, consider yourself blessed. There are those like myself that are very familiar with the two.  College is expensive and is not getting cheaper.  There are many in this country that hail education as being the great equalizer, and the major key needed to get ahead and reach the American dream.  However, for millions of millennials it’s becoming harder to reach that dream because they are drowning in student loan debt trying to pay for a degree (or two) they were told they had to have in order to even pursue the dream in the first place.  Where is the fairness in that?  It’s important you go out and vote to stop the increasing price of degrees, and to help alleviate some of the financial burden on countless college graduates.

 

  1. The Supreme Court

The right for members of the LGBT community to get married just became nationally legal and recognized a little over a year ago. I want you think about that when you say you won’t vote, because that is what’s at stake.  The highest bench in the land has an opening, and possibly a few more openings in the next four years to come.  Do you want to risk having the wrong person elected as president, or people elected to the senate, that could possibly shape a court that overturns the rights of millions of gay couples?

Besides gay marriage, the future makeup of the Supreme Court will also be deciding on some cases involving voting rights, women’s rights, and affirmative action.  These are things that impact your everyday life.  And if not directly, these issues impact someone you know. Trust me.

 

  1. Empowerment of the Average Man

I may not agree with most of the things Trump says, but he and Bernie were right about the corruption in DC.  Too many companies and special interest groups have their hands in politics.  These groups use money to persuade politicians into making horrendous policy decisions that often disenfranchise the average man.  Take for example the criminal justice system and the private prison industry.  When politicians voted to impose mandatory sentencing, they often did so knowing they would be directly benefiting the private prison industry, but disguised their decision as voting to protect public safety. (Check out 13th on Netflix.)

Heck, you can look at the gun lobbying groups such as the NRA.  The NRA has pretty much immobilized many politicians from voting on simple common sense gun reform policies. Politicians claim they don’t want to pass anything that limits the Second Amendment, but you would think they would pass something that makes it more difficult for the wrong people to get weapons.  But again, many politicians are more loyal to the money getting them elected than the average people they swore to serve.  And you can apply a similar argument to failed banking reform and failed checks on Wall Street.  (It’s understandable why so many people felt the Bern.)

 

So in short, VOTE!  If you can vote early, go.  If you are sending an absentee ballot, send it.  And if you are voting on Election Day, get to the polls before they close.  We’ve got to take this seriously people. Remember, if you don’t vote, then don’t complain.

 

Dating

I’m Always Picking Up the Check, and I Hate It!

Hey T,

Do you think it’s fair that this guy I’ve been seeing always expects me to pick up the check when we go out?  We’ve only been dating for about 3 weeks, and no matter where we go, he expects me to pay for both of us.  I’m getting tired of it.  He never offers to pay.  Don’t get me wrong, I have the funds to pay, I just don’t feel like it should be on me to do so every time.  Especially when he is a grown man.  What would you do in this situation?

From,

No Moocher

Dating, relationships, The Lifestyle

I Don’t Want My Boyfriend Going to Pride Events

Dear T,

Please don’t think I’m insecure or anything, but I’m having an issue with my boyfriend. See he is going to Sizzle this weekend with his friends, and I hate it. I’m just not a fan of people in relationships going to these pride events. I remember when I used to go to them with my friends, and it was to have fun and do “grown up” things. And so I’m nervous he may go down there to do the same. I understand he made all his travel arrangements with his crew before we became an official couple, but I’m just uncomfortable. Do you think I can ask him not to go?

From,

In Love but Nervous

Dating

What’s Wrong With Being Kept?

Dear T,

What’s wrong with being kept?  So me and some of my friends were talking, and they tried to call me out for only dating a certain type of man.  I’ll be the first to admit that I like a guy with a certain level of coin, and who is not afraid to spend some of it on me.  My friends think this is gold digger behavior, but I call it finding a security.  I mean think about, many marriages and relationships don’t make it because of money issues.  So wouldn’t it make since to date folks who have money?  Just saying.  What are your thoughts?

From,

Mr. Bank of America

The Lifestyle

Offensive Family Members

Dear T,

You can call me fed up, because that’s exactly what I am.  Although I’ve never really been in the closet, I just confirmed my family’s suspicions about a year and half ago.  Well since then, I have a great uncle that is the biggest asshole when I’m around him.  When I go to family functions, he is always there and is always making insulting jokes about me because I’m gay.  For example, the men love watching sports when we get together. Well when I sit down to watch football or basketball with them, my great uncle may say something like “you sure you won’t be more comfortable in the kitchen with the women,” or “these ain’t the soap operas nephew.”  I would feel embarrassed in these situations, but my other family seem horrified by his comments.  The thing is, no one checks him.  And I want to cuss him out so bad, but my mom told me to bite tongue and be the bigger person.  She says he’s old and he doesn’t know any better.  She also reminds me that he helps pay a lot of my tuition.  What do you think I should do?

From,

Fed Up

friendship

Money is Taking a Toll on My Friendship

T,

What would you do about a friend that always asks to borrow money?  I have this friend that I’ve known for over ten years, and since I’ve known her, she has borrowed probably about $3,000 over time.  I wouldn’t mind loaning her the money if she ever paid me back.  She has not once given me money.  I know most people would just stop giving her money so she’d stop asking, but I don’t want to mess up our friendship.  She really has always been loyal and a ride or die person.  Advice is appreciated.

Danielle Doe