Dating

They May Be Friends and I’m Dating Them Both. What Do I Do?

Hey T,


Let’s hope you can help me with my personal life because it’s a mess. It could be worse, but it’s definitely not great. About 6 months ago I got out of a year long relationship, and just started putting myself back out there in September. Since I’ve been trying to date I’ve been talking to guys on Instagram and Tindr, and I do just mean talking. Speeding this story up a bit, I met two guys on Instagram who I really like. They both look good, are smart, and have their shit together. I’ve been on dates with both of them, but haven’t had sex with either of them. Although, I will admit I’ve exchanged a few nudes with the two.


The problem comes in, because I recently found out the two guys know each other. I saw them laughing together in an insta story at some kind of house party. I’m feeling a little creepy or anxious because I never wanted to be the guy dating two friends, and now I don’t know what to do. Do I end things with one guy before they find out I’ve been dating them both? Am I obligated to tell either of them I’m seeing the other? Can I just keep quiet about what I know and continue to date them both until it’s clear which guy I want to be with? What do I do here? Again, I’ve never been in this position. Or at least that I know of. Your advice is appreciated.


From,
Henny and Ice

Dating

I Really Like Him, But He Won’t Meet Me in Person

T,

I have a problem I don’t think you’ve written about but hoping you can help me with. I’ve been talking to this guy who I really like for about six weeks or so on IG. Not only does he have body and a great smile, but he also is sexy to me because he is smart. The conversations we have always leave me feeling a type of way if you know what I mean. As great as this guy seems though, we haven’t met in person. Every time I suggest it, he says cool, kind of flakes last minute.

Now usually, I’d tell a guy about himself and just block him. But every time I go to do that, I go through our messages and look at pics of him, and get a little hot to be honest. It doesn’t help that we’ve phone boned a couple of times, and it was sexy. And he’s seen private photos of mine and I’ve seen his, so I feel invested for some reason. My friends think I’m being dumb and being played, but part of me just feel like me and this guy could work, so I don’t want to cut him off completely. Besides, I still talk to other dudes. Could use your input.

-Shamefully Sprung

relationships

We Moved in Together and Now He Tells Me He’s Celibate

Hey T,

I have an interesting situation and I’d love to get your opinion.  My boyfriend and I made a decision early on to move in together.  We were spending all of our time together and both needed to move and it didn’t make sense to pay two separate rents.  This actually isn’t the issue, things are going amazingly and it’s probably one of the best risks I’ve ever taken.  The issue came in because he refuses to be intimate with me.

I noticed right away, and started to worry. After the first week, it happened when he came home from being out late and hasn’t happened since. I was starting to feel insecure like the problem is me, like maybe he wasn’t attracted to me but that’s not the problem. He’s very sweet very affectionate VERY Hands-on and I can clearly see him reacting and that he wants to go further but he always stops.

When I finally asked him about it he said he wants to wait until we have a deeper connection or possibly marriage. Obviously this is something you discuss with someone before getting in a relationship, let alone moving in with them which he didn’t and I’m starting to wonder if it is the fact that he is just more traditional, or am I his beard, or am I overreacting?

He hasn’t given me any reason to doubt him he’s always home after work, surprises me and cooks me dinner everything in our relationship is great communication wise, we actively are engaged in our decision to move in and I am SO very happy except for the lack of sex. He’s aware that I’m bothered that he didn’t discuss the “waiting” and I told him that he took that choice away from me, even if I decided to continue getting to know him I would’ve liked to make that choice on my own. I just pictured this differently and I’m really trying to respect his wishes and give the waiting a chance, but I want to make sure I’m not being blind and stupid. Please help, and please be easy on me lol, thanks.

-TD

Dating

Five Things Millennials Get Wrong on the First Date

Attention my fellow millennials. I clearly wrote this post with you all in mind. As a millennial myself, I feel completely qualified in criticizing the mistakes our generation makes when it comes to dating. Well, with first dates in particular. While I’m sure I could compile a list of more than five things, I think the following is sufficient. And like always, please remember my platform is meant to help not hurt. So let’s get started.

Dating

What We All Could Learn from Dating Traditions of the Past

So picture it, it’s the 1950s in America. It’s a time where smartphones don’t exist, the term social media hasn’t yet been coined, and hoeing is not a glorified expedition sport. (To be clear, I’m not reading or shaming those that embrace their sexuality a little more frequently and publicly than most.) If I’m to believe the wonderful stories shared by my grandparents, which I most certainly do, the 1950s was a drastically different time then than it is now. Especially, when it comes to dating and relationships.

The Lifestyle

Flipping L’s into Lessons

Greetings all. It’s Euphonious K.Z.G. again. This will probably be one of the most intimate and straight from the heart pieces I’ve written to you all thus far. I’ve always come to you all standing in my truths and that is what I’ll continue to do. 2018 came in very hard on me, challenging me and trying to break me in almost every way possible and now it’s February. I have absolutely been hurled right out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Pop Culture

Top 5 Excuses I’m Tired of Hearing for Why People Won’t Vote

  1. I Don’t Have Time to Stand in Line

This excuse may be a valid one, if so many people weren’t willing to stand in line and wait for other things.  We all know a friend or family member that has woken up at the crack of dawn to stand in line at Best Buy or Walmart on Black Friday.  Heck, you yourself may have rolled out of bed to stand in line for two hours to wait to get a TV or two.  Or maybe you’ve been one of those people to wait in line to get the latest iPhone or pair of Jordans.

The point here is this.  People are eager to wait in line for small picture material items, but are reluctant to wait in line to vote.  That sounds crazy.  Taxes are always on the ballot.  If you want more money to spend on phones and shoes, try voting. In fact, if it will get you to the poll faster, think of voting as an opportunity to possibly earn you some extra spending money.   Everyone could use some extra coin.  And if you still can’t wrap your mind around waiting in line to vote, then GO vote early if your state allows it.

Pop Culture

Top 5 Reasons Millennials Must Vote

Folks we’ve got less than two weeks until Election Day, and I’ve got one word for you.  VOTE! I know PSAs and the media describe every election as extremely important, but this one truly is.  There is a lot at stake with this election cycle, and if you don’t exercise your right and duty as an American citizen, you’ll be doing this country, and more importantly yourself, a real disservice.  Don’t believe me, well let’s look at some of the things at stake here.

 

  1. Post Obama Race Relations

It should be no secret to anyone that since the election of President Obama, race relations in this country have taken some unfortunate steps back.  The fact people must chant “Black lives matter” in 2016 is just sad.  I for one don’t want to let my vote go uncast knowing politicians hold a lot of power in making sure this country is truly dedicated to seeing that there is real “justice and liberty for all.”  Marching in the streets and posting named hashtags is symbolic and sentimental; but, if you want to make a real difference, you’ll show up to the polls.

 

  1. Potential for War Deployment of Troops

With the looming threat of Russia, the ongoing conflict in Iraq and Syria, and the infamous ISIS still present, matters of national security will be increasingly more important during the next presidential term. You’ll want to vote for someone you believe can keep the country safe and out of wars.  Someone that is of sound mind and temperament to engage with other international powers.  I for one don’t want someone that will be like a “bull in a china shop.” (Old country saying for you. LOL)

 

  1. Higher Education Costs

If you are reading this and you’ve never heard of Sallie Mae or Navient, consider yourself blessed. There are those like myself that are very familiar with the two.  College is expensive and is not getting cheaper.  There are many in this country that hail education as being the great equalizer, and the major key needed to get ahead and reach the American dream.  However, for millions of millennials it’s becoming harder to reach that dream because they are drowning in student loan debt trying to pay for a degree (or two) they were told they had to have in order to even pursue the dream in the first place.  Where is the fairness in that?  It’s important you go out and vote to stop the increasing price of degrees, and to help alleviate some of the financial burden on countless college graduates.

 

  1. The Supreme Court

The right for members of the LGBT community to get married just became nationally legal and recognized a little over a year ago. I want you think about that when you say you won’t vote, because that is what’s at stake.  The highest bench in the land has an opening, and possibly a few more openings in the next four years to come.  Do you want to risk having the wrong person elected as president, or people elected to the senate, that could possibly shape a court that overturns the rights of millions of gay couples?

Besides gay marriage, the future makeup of the Supreme Court will also be deciding on some cases involving voting rights, women’s rights, and affirmative action.  These are things that impact your everyday life.  And if not directly, these issues impact someone you know. Trust me.

 

  1. Empowerment of the Average Man

I may not agree with most of the things Trump says, but he and Bernie were right about the corruption in DC.  Too many companies and special interest groups have their hands in politics.  These groups use money to persuade politicians into making horrendous policy decisions that often disenfranchise the average man.  Take for example the criminal justice system and the private prison industry.  When politicians voted to impose mandatory sentencing, they often did so knowing they would be directly benefiting the private prison industry, but disguised their decision as voting to protect public safety. (Check out 13th on Netflix.)

Heck, you can look at the gun lobbying groups such as the NRA.  The NRA has pretty much immobilized many politicians from voting on simple common sense gun reform policies. Politicians claim they don’t want to pass anything that limits the Second Amendment, but you would think they would pass something that makes it more difficult for the wrong people to get weapons.  But again, many politicians are more loyal to the money getting them elected than the average people they swore to serve.  And you can apply a similar argument to failed banking reform and failed checks on Wall Street.  (It’s understandable why so many people felt the Bern.)

 

So in short, VOTE!  If you can vote early, go.  If you are sending an absentee ballot, send it.  And if you are voting on Election Day, get to the polls before they close.  We’ve got to take this seriously people. Remember, if you don’t vote, then don’t complain.