It sucks when in a relationship everything is perfect but one wants just companionship and the other wants commitment. I’ve been dating my bf for a little over a year now. This is my happiest relationship so far. He treats me really well and I balance out his energy perfectly too. But, I’m foreign on a visa, and my visa is expiring in a year.
When I had the talk with him on whether or not he would consider marriage as a way to keep me here, he backed out. He has his reasons, but I think in reality just like what you said in your writing, he’s probably only looking for companionship and will never commit not matter how much he loves or cares about the person. Because for him, the fear of losing freedom outweighs all the benefits he get from a relationship.
It’s so funny how the universe works. This just happened yesterday, and today I saw your post. We are all on our own journeys, and sometimes even the almost perfect person might still not meant to be.
Let me start by saying how much I love your site. A cousin recommended I check it out about a week ago, and I’m hooked. You have some pretty good advice and some of the questions hit real close to home. So the reason I’m writing is because I have a question.
Okay, so about 3 weeks ago my best friend got engaged to a guy he’s only been with about 7 months. I think that’s hella of fast, but my best friend says he loves him and knows this is his husband. As much as I want to support him in his rushed relationship, yes that’s shade, I just can’t bring myself to be that happy for him. I honestly don’t like his fiancé.
His fiancé is a little shady in my opinion. The dude cheated on him like a 2 month ago with some random from the club. I thought that my friend would end things for good, but he only broke up with the guy for like a week then took him back. I rolled my eyes super hard on that one. Oh and did I mention that the fiancé is apparently not in contact with any of his family members. That is super suspicious to me.
Sorry, my question is this. Do I try and convince my friend not to get married? I don’t want him to hate me or take away my title as best man. On the other hand, I don’t want him to make such a huge mistake. He’s thinking of not signing a prenup with this fool, and my friend has a lot of coin.
Unsupportive But Supportive Bestie
Before I dive deep into this post, let me first say that this is not a post meant to bash anyone or their parenting abilities necessarily. I’m proud to have created a platform that doesn’t make a habit of judging other people or hurling out insults. However with that said, there are some things I tend to have a very strong opinion about, and relationships between estranged parents and their children is one of them. I probably have such strong opinions because I don’t really have much a relationship with my own father, but that’s a story for a different post. Anyway, let’s go ahead and get started.
The guy who I thought was damn near perfection turned out to be liar, and I’m so pissed. After a month of being so geeked and excited to find a guy that’s cute, smart, and driven, it all ended when I found out this jerk is married to a woman. It doesn’t really matter how I found out, but just know it’s a small world. I confronted the guy and he tried to act like it’s not what it seems. He said him and his wife have some type of weird arrangement. Like I told him, the hell I look like trying to be with a man that’s already in a relationship. Anyway, the question I have for you, is why do I feel curving him was a mistake? Why do I low key want to keep seeing this man? Like an idiot I legit almost called him yesterday. Thoughts needed.
-Descendant of a King
So picture it, it’s the 1950s in America. It’s a time where smartphones don’t exist, the term social media hasn’t yet been coined, and hoeing is not a glorified expedition sport. (To be clear, I’m not reading or shaming those that embrace their sexuality a little more frequently and publicly than most.) If I’m to believe the wonderful stories shared by my grandparents, which I most certainly do, the 1950s was a drastically different time then than it is now. Especially, when it comes to dating and relationships.
I have decided to exit a ten year marriage. I have come to realize that I compromised so much of myself to make him happy and in return my happiness was depleted. I no longer have an emotional and mental connection to this man and I am moving forward. However, I have also noticed that this “new-age” dating is not for me. It appears that every relationship is about sex and having multiple partners. Though I do not disagree with having sex and dating around to be sure you are investing your time and energy into the right person before becoming exclusive, I have an issue with sex and multiple partners being the main focus and NOT developing an intimate relationship. I realized in this marriage I married a selfish individual who abuses alcohol and, unfortunately, does not love himself (what he told me). I am not interest in this new-age dating, but craving that intimacy.
-urgh it’s complicated.
In one of those moments when my friends and I are were talking about any and everything, we began discussing relationships and closure. We all agreed that should things go left in a relationship, and boos becomes exes, each person is entitled to closure. Each person deserves to know why and how things went left, if there is opportunity to reconcile, and certainty that remaining apart is the best option for both of them. However, not everyone will get closure when a relationship ends, and this brings me to the point of disagreement between my friends and myself.
How do you tell a friend he is a making a huge mistake. A friend of mine has been with this guy for like 5 months, and last weekend the two got engaged. Like to be married. I think that is crazy. I want to tell him I think he is making a mistake, but my other friend told me it’s not my place. But what do you think I should do?
I’ve got a question for you. Would you allow your cousin to marry a guy you know for a fact is gay? My cousin, who is a female and I’m very close with, just got engaged to this man I know used to mess with one of my of old college roommates, who is a guy. Although these two men were never in a relationship, and this was almost ten years ago, I feel like I should mention to my cousin that her future husband has slept with at least one man. Thoughts?
Stuck with No Answer
I’m at a cross roads in my life, and could use some help from you. I’m going on two years in my relationship with my boyfriend, and I’m in a headspace where I’m ready to take the next step. I’m talking marriage. The thing is, the two of us had a conversation about marriage, and he has no plan to get hitched anytime soon. I guess I’m perplexed as to what to do. My one best friend thinks I should consider moving on if marriage is something I really want. But how do I throw away two years? I love this man and love the time we spend together. Thoughts?