Dating, relationships

I’m In a Long Distance Relationship, and I Think He Cheated

Hello there,

My boyfriend just got back from another city. Now I’ve found out he cheated on me while we are in 5 months long distance relationship. Seen pictures of his and a woman’s clothes in a hotel. But I already had that feeling inside me that he is hiding something from me. What should I do? Haven’t talked to him yet. I am confused on what should I feel. Should I forgive him? Damn this feeling.

-Maecats

relationships

I’m NOT Cheating! My Boyfriend’s Insecurities Are Driving Me Crazy

Tavion,

I can’t deal with my new boyfriend’s insecurities. We officially got into a relationship about a month ago, and ever since then something flipped with him. At first it started with him jokingly talking about guys commenting on my posts or tweets, and me liking the comments. He would hit me with one of those “oh you getting all the hoes still” and laugh, so I would shrug my shoulders and laugh it off. Then he progressively would mention the commenting without laughing, and legit arguments would pop off. To help ease the tension I became a little more careful about the kind of things I would post or tweet, but still tried to be me.

It’s not just that social media thing anymore though. He gets jealous if we’re out and I stop to talk to any guy. Whether they are a friend, work colleague, or whatever, he wants to get all up under me all of a sudden and practically demands an introduction. Then there’s the fact that he hates when I go out with my friends without him. The part that really has me ready to throw the whole relationship away is we got into an argument a few days ago about why I won’t give him passwords to my IG and twitter accounts, and to unlock my phone. I stood my ground and told him no, and he kind of dropped it, but the whole convo just left me feeling salty.

To be clear, outside of the insecurity issues, I love my boyfriend. He really is a great guy, and I know he’s acting like this because his two boyfriends before me cheated on him apparently. But I can’t do much more of this. What should I do?

From,

BF Problems

Dating

I Want Love But I’m Tired of Chasing Men

Tavion,

I really appreciate your site and the advice you give. The community needs your advice, and I need your advice right now. My issue has to deal with chasing. I’m single and honestly I’m tired of chasing guys. It’s the same thing too. I meet a guy on a dating app or social media, show him some interest, he appears to return the interest, and then I spend like a month chasing him for me not to end up in a relationship. The shit is getting old.

Do you know how frustrating it is to think you’re talking to a guy trying to build something only for nothing to happen? I mean some of the guys I chase, I don’t even get to the point where we go on a dates. And while being single has its advantages, I’m trying to get boo’d the hell up. I know you have to pursue what you want in life, but I want to be pursued. I want people to call me, or hit me with a good morning and good night text. What advice do you have for me so I can date different in 2019?

From,

Tryna Glow Up

Dating

We’re Only Dating, Do I Have to Invite Him to Thanksgiving Dinner?

Hey T,

I hope this letter gets to you quickly because I kind of need an answer ASAP. The thing is I’ve been dating this guy for a little over two months. Everything is cool between us, but I wouldn’t say we were in a relationship just yet. Not that I don’t want to be, we just haven’t had that talk yet. Okay so the point. He asked me what I was doing this Thanksgiving and I told him my family was coming to town for dinner. When I asked him about his plans, he said he didn’t really have any. His family is on the west coast, and the people he considers his friends are all going out of town. I feel bad for him because it basically sounds like he is going to be spending Thanksgiving alone.

Now he hasn’t outright asked to come to Thanksgiving with me and my family, but I feel like he has dropped a few hints like he wants me to ask. The problem is, I’m not comfortable with inviting him. My family knows I’m gay, but have never met one of my boyfriend’s, or anyone I’ve dated, and I don’t want to start that tradition now. I’d rather wait until I’m with someone I know for sure is going to be the one. The question I have, is how do I not invite this guy to dinner without feeling like a jerk? Again, I like this guy and want to see where things between us go and don’t want to offend him.

Thank you,

Holiday Bluezzz

relationships

My Boyfriend Wants to Have a Threesome, But I’m not Sure I’m Ready

What do you do when your boyfriend wants to start having a threesome but you aren’t ready? Straight and to the point, my boyfriend and I have been together for about two years and for about a month now he has been hinting at spicing up our sex life. I tried putting on sexy underwear and we tried toys, but he still thinks we lack excitement. I don’t completely disagree, but it seems like he feels more strongly about it than I do. So when I asked what else he wants to try, he asked how I would feel about inviting someone in sexually every once and a while. I’m not really feeling the idea, because I’m pretty sure I’d get super jealous. Then there’s the fact,  I keep thinking once we open this door, it will lead to cheating, and I don’t have time. I appreciate your thoughts on this, because my friends were kind of split on their advice.

-The Jealous One

Dating

I Really Like Him, But He Won’t Meet Me in Person

T,

I have a problem I don’t think you’ve written about but hoping you can help me with. I’ve been talking to this guy who I really like for about six weeks or so on IG. Not only does he have body and a great smile, but he also is sexy to me because he is smart. The conversations we have always leave me feeling a type of way if you know what I mean. As great as this guy seems though, we haven’t met in person. Every time I suggest it, he says cool, kind of flakes last minute.

Now usually, I’d tell a guy about himself and just block him. But every time I go to do that, I go through our messages and look at pics of him, and get a little hot to be honest. It doesn’t help that we’ve phone boned a couple of times, and it was sexy. And he’s seen private photos of mine and I’ve seen his, so I feel invested for some reason. My friends think I’m being dumb and being played, but part of me just feel like me and this guy could work, so I don’t want to cut him off completely. Besides, I still talk to other dudes. Could use your input.

-Shamefully Sprung

relationships

We Moved in Together and Now He Tells Me He’s Celibate

Hey T,

I have an interesting situation and I’d love to get your opinion.  My boyfriend and I made a decision early on to move in together.  We were spending all of our time together and both needed to move and it didn’t make sense to pay two separate rents.  This actually isn’t the issue, things are going amazingly and it’s probably one of the best risks I’ve ever taken.  The issue came in because he refuses to be intimate with me.

I noticed right away, and started to worry. After the first week, it happened when he came home from being out late and hasn’t happened since. I was starting to feel insecure like the problem is me, like maybe he wasn’t attracted to me but that’s not the problem. He’s very sweet very affectionate VERY Hands-on and I can clearly see him reacting and that he wants to go further but he always stops.

When I finally asked him about it he said he wants to wait until we have a deeper connection or possibly marriage. Obviously this is something you discuss with someone before getting in a relationship, let alone moving in with them which he didn’t and I’m starting to wonder if it is the fact that he is just more traditional, or am I his beard, or am I overreacting?

He hasn’t given me any reason to doubt him he’s always home after work, surprises me and cooks me dinner everything in our relationship is great communication wise, we actively are engaged in our decision to move in and I am SO very happy except for the lack of sex. He’s aware that I’m bothered that he didn’t discuss the “waiting” and I told him that he took that choice away from me, even if I decided to continue getting to know him I would’ve liked to make that choice on my own. I just pictured this differently and I’m really trying to respect his wishes and give the waiting a chance, but I want to make sure I’m not being blind and stupid. Please help, and please be easy on me lol, thanks.

-TD

relationships

I’ve Put Years into this Relationship, Do I just Walk Away?

Hi T.

I’ve been following your blog for a very long time and have debated for months about sharing my situation with you. Simply because I feel as though I already know what to do but haven’t built the courage as of yet.

Let me get straight to the point though. I’m with a guy that’s 19 years older than me. We’ve been together for 8 years. Our relationship came as a result of his infidelity in a previous 15 year relationship. I love this guy with everything in me. My life and everyday routine revolves around him and our relationship. However, I’m very insecure, as he has cheated on me before (which was most definitely karma) and since finding out, I feel as though his loyalty and honesty towards me and our relationship was just for a time. Though he says he’s not cheating, I’m afraid to trust him although I really want to.

Aside from that, I’m starting to believe that we’re on two different beats and although he claims that he isn’t cheating, I low key think he is. He has called me out for over analyzing but how could I not when the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with has me on edge about our future together?!

All in all, while there is so much more that I can share, I’m just simply afraid of wasting my time after so many years and also missing out on what is supposed to be the golden years of my life. I don’t want to leave him but I’m so insecure about us, that it adds to my already out of control anxiety!

Please share some insight if you can!

Truly yours,

FalseHope92

Dating

I Was in His City, but He Didn’t Make Time to Meet Me

Tavion,

I’ve peeped a few of your posts and I love your advice. Your words really do be hitting. Hopefully, your words will hit on something today. I find myself stuck in this situation with this guy who I met through IG six weeks ago. So initially, I came across his profile through another IG friend who liked his post. After I went to the guy’s page, I thought he was fine AF, and we seemed to have things in common. Naturally, I started to follow him, and then he followed me. He even did the thing where he went through my profile and liked a bunch of my posts. I took that as a sign to shoot my shot, and did. We started flirting back and forth through DMs, then moved our convos to phone.

Once we exchanged numbers, we would text throughout the day and even talk on the phone at night every now and then. I forgot to mention, he lives in Houston and I live in Atlanta. That’s important, because last weekend I was in Houston to meet up with friends and didn’t even see him. We had planned to meet up and he knew I was coming, but as soon as I got to Houston all of a sudden he was too busy to see me. He claimed he was swamped with a project at work. I think that is bs because I feel he could at least met up with me for an hour.

Long story short, since I’ve been back in ATL we don’t really communicate like we were. He tried to text me this week to apologize, but honestly I was still in my feelings and didn’t want to hear it so I’ve been distant. I’m frustrated because I still like the guy but don’t like feeling I’ve been played. What do you suggest here?

From,

Confused Dater 92

Dating

Five Things Millennials Get Wrong on the First Date

Attention my fellow millennials. I clearly wrote this post with you all in mind. As a millennial myself, I feel completely qualified in criticizing the mistakes our generation makes when it comes to dating. Well, with first dates in particular. While I’m sure I could compile a list of more than five things, I think the following is sufficient. And like always, please remember my platform is meant to help not hurt. So let’s get started.