relationships

The Guy in His DM Is Causing Our Relationship Problems

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. We spoke about moving in together this upcoming August. We never had a real argument until last June. He went to a guy’s party (he told me he was going to a party but didn’t tell me who it was). I found out the guy who had the party was a guy who went into my boyfriend’s DM and was flirting with him. I found out who the guy was by snooping. I confronted him and told him I didn’t feel comfortable with him going. Long story short, he still went even though he knew I was uncomfortable. Today 5/19 I found out they are still talking. The guy posted on my bf birthday picture saying he wish he could celebrate with him. Now I feel some type of way that they still talking. I also feed disrespected due to the fact one of our only argument was about this guy and it seems like it doesn’t matter to him.

-Jay

relationships

He Doesn’t Want Our Child, Should I Tell Him to Just Go?

Hi there.

I’m 20 weeks pregnant with a man I’ve known for only 6 months. He doesn’t want the baby but he is trying to be there for me. He’s been by my side since we found out. The only problem is he hasn’t told his family and seems like he wants to keep everything a secret. He has not met my family either because I haven’t met his. And my family wants it to be that way out of respect until I get to meet his family.

He recently told me he told his older sister about the pregnancy. Which is a start… but every day that I am with him he tells me he still can’t believe I put him in this situation.. and he had no choice. Today I finally told him he does not have to be here for me anymore and that I can do it on my own.. knowing his heart is not in it. He’s upset that I made my own decisions and also upset that I can drop everything like that, but how can I stay with someone whose heart and mind is somewhere else.. I rather have him live his life and never look back because it was my decision and my fault for making my own choices. I don’t want it to be forced love either.. He also can’t let go of his ex-girlfriend. I found a photo of her in his wallet. I don’t want him being unhappy with me and playing house with me because he feels bad or feels like he has to be here. I rather set him free and let him live his life with someone he truly wants to be with. I don’t know if I’m making the wrong choice but I also told him I will always be here.. I’m not going anywhere but maybe it’s best for the both of us to go our separate ways.

Knowing it’s 1 sided, I know he cares for me and he does tell me it’s up to me and that I’m pushing him away, but I’m truly not because I know deep down inside this isn’t what he wants. He’s a man with pride and feels like he should be here for me. But I don’t want any fake love, I rather be alone and do things alone then make him feel like I have a hold on him. He’s in pain and is confused and I am thinking about his feelings. And maybe he is just scared to actually make that step to leave or move on because he feels scared to leave us behind. But knows he wants to. He told me he’s thought about it. I decided to save both of us and tell him its ok we can both go on with our lives and I will not bother him anymore. For him to focus on himself only, and this could be a new start for the both of us. I am dying inside but I can’t hurt and force someone to be part of something they never wanted to be part of.

Am I being smart or selfish? I have no idea. I just feel like a horrible person who ruined his life. I am also thinking about myself, I want to adjust being alone and prepare myself for the future and for my baby. Because at the end of the day you only got yourself. So please help me. I’m sorry that was a long read… thank you for your time.

-Azaria

Dating

After Two Years I Want Him to Be My Man

T,

I have been seeing this guy for 2 years. We met on a dating app and at the beginning we were both looking for casual dating. He is 40 yrs old has never been married, has no kids, and travels for work. He said he wasn’t looking for anything serious because he travels for work he can’t give me that commitment of a real relationship. I am 35 yrs old and I have an 8 yr old daughter. Casual dating was perfect at first because of my schedule, I had my daughter in almost daily activities and figured we can occasionally hang out. Fast forward to now, my feelings are really strong for him. Like this is the man I want to marry and I want more than just hanging out. Part of me wants to continue what we have because our times together are amazing and I am hopeful that with time he will want more. My past relationships I have always rushed things and this is why I am just going with the flow of things, let life take its course. But at the same time I can’t help to think that this may never be more than what it is. I do like what we have but now I want more. Should I continue what we have until I’m fed up or just call it quits?

-Cheri

Dating

Because of the Coronavirus I Found Out My Boyfriend is Married

T,

Let me tell you what I’ve been going through lately. I’ve been dating this guy for 6 months. We met at the gym, and he actually approached me. I wasn’t really checking for a relationship or anything, so the fact that I let this guy sweep me up is surprising. So after some good dates and even better sex, we became official, but then the Corona hit. As soon as all the quarantine stuff started happening, I’ve seen him 2 times in a month. The phone calls weren’t as frequent either. Once he started pulling back, I thought maybe he was super cautious about catching corona, but then my gut was telling me something was up.

I did a little digging on Facebook, which I hadn’t done before, and found out my so-called boyfriend is married with a young kid. I was crushed. A week ago I sent him a text to call me, and when we spoke on the phone he went into this story that he is married, but him and his wife have an understanding that they can do whatever. They are only together for their son, and can do whatever with whoever outside the house. Because of everything that’s been going on, he has to spend more time at home. He said the only reason he didn’t tell me everything up front was because most people don’t understand his arrangement, and really likes me and didn’t want me to cancel him. However, what am I supposed to do with that? He’s not planning on divorcing his wife until his kid is grown, but wants to date me in the meantime. Can’t wait to hear your thoughts.

– Quarantined and Hate It

relationships

He Confessed to Cheating but Lied in His Confession… Should I Take Him Back?

T,

I am having quite a bit of trouble figuring out what to do. I have been dating my serious boyfriend for six years now. About a year ago, he left for an internship at Disney where he would be gone for nearly eight months working and living in Florida (we live in Illinois). I went to visit him during his program and when I left, he only had about a month and a half left of his internship.

Within that month he got close to a girl he met at the beginning of his program and cheated on me with her. They had sex, decided it was a mistake, then had sex again. After their second time, he finally said no more to having sex, however, the two continued to hang out, cuddle, kiss, and say I love you.

When he came home, they officially ended things between each other. I found out a few weeks after he came home, or so I thought. When he finally “came clean,” he actually told me that his cheating only involved one drunken make-out session. Even though I was hurt, I decided to believe him and stay with him. Five months later, I find out the whole truth because I remembered a small detail that I had brushed off before, not thinking my boyfriend, of five years at the time, would cheat on me. He finally came completely clean.

I truly do believe that he is telling me the entire truth now and that he truly regrets what he did while in Florida; however, I am still finding it really hard to trust him. No matter how much I want to still be with him and think that we can work through things, I am constantly picturing him with the girl and picturing him cheating on me. I just don’t know if our past, our love, and our good times can truly overcome the constant thought of what he did.

-Kris

Dating

I Thought Things Were Going Great and then He Ghosted Me

Hi T,

So I’ve been on Bumble for a while and nothing good has come from it. However, I recently met this guy and we really hit it off. We were texting every day and snap chatting every once in a while, even though he’s not a big phone guy which I believe to be true. We went on 3 dates in one week and it seemed like he was really interested in me. It seemed like we were looking for the same things and both enjoyed spending time together. I really liked him and it didn’t seem like there were any red flags or that he wasn’t into me. Recently, he stopped responding to me and I have no idea what went wrong. Most times when I go on dates with guys, I don’t feel we’re a good match. However, the few times I go on a date with someone that I’m very interested in, they’re not interested in me and proceed to ghost me.

I’m not sure if I should reach out to him and ask what happened so I can get closure or if I just keep throwing up my hands and accepting getting ghosted. I’m growing really tired of having a tough dating experience and just want some honest answers.

Thank you for your help!

-Mysteriously Ghosted

friendship

I Think I Prematurely End My Friendships. What’s Wrong with Me?

I’d love to ask a question about friendship. I can expand upon it if you like, but I’ll give you a short synopsis. I’m about as standoffish and isolated as you can imagine, and I’ve got a hundred burning bridges behind me that attest to my commitment to compartmentalize.

I struggle with friendships generally, but my short & long term friendships frequently end. I could count on two hands the number of removed friends that I’ve stayed connected with.

I behave brashly when I think I’m wronged, and I am an escapist. I’m taking better care of myself these days, and I don’t want to carelessly allow my friends to drift away.

Can I improve my interpersonal relationships by any ethos that you might know of?

Thank you kindly,

J.K.

Dating, relationships

I Really Like this Guy, but He Ghosted Me More than Once

Dear T,

What does it mean when a guy tells you he likes you and wants to build something with you, but he then goes ghost.  He’s ghosted me more than once. Long story short, this guy who I’ve been dating for about 3 months is so up and down. One week we’re talking every day with texts and calls, and the next week he may text me 4 times over 7 days. When I asked him what the deal was, he said work gets stressful sometimes, but he doesn’t mean to offend. Said he is working toward a relationship with me, but his disappearing act pisses me off.  But he has time to like Ig photos, not that I’m stalking him. What should I do here?

-Drizzy95

relationships

He Keeps Cheating but Says He Wants to Change

T,

My boyfriend and I started our relationship when I was overseas in February, so basically our relationship does not have a stable foundation. I had to go overseas for studies this whole year, I left in January and will be back in April next year. I recently found out that he cheated on me in April when I was looking through his phone messages, he was very intimate with another girl but this whole time he says that he never had sex with her even though the slept on the same bed a few times. He said he broke it off as he felt that it was not right or that he was starting to develop feelings for her, I don’t remember.

It was very rocky for us back in April, we kind of broke up and kept arguing but finally got back together as he had a scheduled trip to visit me in May, he booked the flights back in February. I forgave him, decided to give him another chance but within the last few days, I found he cheated again in November. He only said it was a bj, but I don’t believe that, because his message to his friend was that the girl said that there was no need to use protection, so to me, they did have sex, or else he would not have said that to his friend, no matter what he says.

He also made out with another girl twice around the same period of time, I found out all of this through his messages to his friend. It was him who gave me his password to his social media accounts, as I found out that he was lying to me recently, hence, I have no trust in long-distance relationships so he gave it to me when I asked for it.

Another thing is that he is extremely flirtatious with girls, just too intimate for my liking. I have spoken to him about it and he said that he will change. But the problem is him cheating so many times, like I just can’t accept it. But after mentioning breaking up he told me his reason of being like this, he said he used to be a very loyal person, but because of his ex he turned out this way. He said his ex used to bring guys back to her apartment all the time and was very intimate with other guys when he was dating her, so he thought and believed that he could do the same as well. After confronting him, he said that he regrets it, he just does not know how to reject people which i believe is bullshit. But he said he is willing to change, to give it a fresh start and to really appreciate me this time.

He deleted all of his Instagram messages (which is where I found all this info from), wanting to start anew, he swears that he will change and that he does not want to break up with me. My friends all tell me that a guy who cheats will never change, which I believe, but I also believe in giving people one more chance. But the problem is that I found out about him cheating within a 2 week span this month, I thought I gave him a chance for his cheating in April but now I find out about another one in November.

I really don’t know what I should do, if I can trust him? None of my friends support us together, none of them believe in cheaters. He was bowing on the ground for me to give him another chance, he keeps apologizing, he really regrets it but words have no effect anymore. He said that he will use time to prove it to me, but I don’t know how he will prove it. Just a little background, he works in a bar, so he meets girls on a daily basis. Which I don’t mind as long as he knows how to draw the line, but clearly he does not. He said from now on he will go straight home after work, he won’t have supper with his friends anymore, he said that he will stay at home with me when he has his days off. He said that he will change, he will do anything to not break up, but I really don’t know what to do right now, I am really confused. Please help me.

-Annie

relationships

He Sent Nudes to Over 100 People Before We Got Together

Hello,

I need advice on how to get over/get my mind off of something that my boyfriend did before we were dating.

My boyfriend of five months just recently told me that he has sent nudes (pictures and videos) to over 100 people. This is in a span of a few years before we have been together, up to right before we started getting serious. He told me this less than a week ago, and it’s something that I have not been able to stop thinking about. It is changing the way I view him and act toward him.

I knew he had sent nudes in the past. Right when we became ‘official, he scrolled past a folder in his phone that had countless nude pictures and videos of other men. He deleted the folder and I trust that he is not sending nudes anymore. The thing that bothers me most is that: 1) so many people have seen such a sensitive part of him, 2) if he sent it to that many people, odds are that there is some content of him online and still in the hands of many people, and 3) these people still follow him on social media, know who I am from his posts, and know that we are together.

I have never been one to openly send nudes to people, so I just don’t understand why he would want to do that to so many, even when single. The other day even, I scrolled past a nude photo of someone I don’t know on Twitter, and it turns out he has exchanged nudes with that person. That made it settle in for me how many people I might or might not come in contact with, that has seen him like that.

I really want to continue this relationship. He makes me happy, he is patient and understanding with me and I believe I can trust him. I want to continue this relationship, but I don’t want to keep being miserable and keep thinking about how many people he has sent nudes to.

Your advice would be greatly appreciated

-Tucker