Short and simple question, why do guys cheat? I read your article on good guys cheating, and I thought you had some good insight. While I’m not sure if I could just forgive a man for cheating on me going forward, because I haven’t in the past, I appreciate the new perspective. Before I go too far left on a tangent, again I just want to know why you think guys cheat. I have my own thoughts, but interested in yours.
Always Curious George
My long distance boyfriend cheated on me. We have liked each other for about three years but never made anything official because of the distance. We spend our summers together in the same small town every year since we were kids but last summer we decided to make it official. We’ve been together for about seven months. We are absolutely in love with each other but I found out that he did cheat on me.
No sex. He fingered a girl and she gave him a blowjob they made out and he stopped it there but he might as well have done it all. It hurts so badly. I found out just a couple days ago but this happened about three months ago and he says he feels horrible and has felt horrible ever since. I want to forgive him but I just don’t know if I will ever be able to trust him again. He promises me he’s changed but I’m pretty sure that’s what all cheaters say. I need some advice that isn’t biased by my friends or his friends. Please help!
In many circles, cheating is seen as one of the world’s most heinous acts. It’s not as bad as murder of course, or theft, or maybe even treason. But countless people are disgusted by the act of cheating. Especially, when they are the victim in the scenario. When they are the one whose trust has been betrayed by a love of their life. All of a sudden, the accused cheaters become public enemy number one and bottom feeders. However, all cheaters shouldn’t be written off as “pieces of shit” or “the world’s worst people.” Why? Because good guys cheat too.
Whenever individuals decide to put their heart in the hands of another person, there is always a chance their heart will take on a few bumps and bruises. Folks are imperfect and prone to make mistakes, and some relationships and situationships simply can’t survive the imperfections and mistakes. People lie. People cheat. Heck, sometimes people do both. And broken hearts are the result. However, I wish people stop using the experience of heartache and pain, to demonize all men and to swear off all men.
I came across your site and I thought I should just ask. So I’m gay and kind of never had the experience with a woman. No relationships, no sex, no whatever. If I compare myself to other gay guys it seems like the majority of gays had relationships and even sex with woman (I’m from Germany so I don’t know how it is compared to the US).
Anyway, it really made me feel quite bad because I think I’m missing out on something. I don’t feel any sexual attraction to women, but still it hurts me that I am kind of a minority inside of a minority (gay and no sex ever had with a woman).
So far this was kind of okay, but now with my boyfriend it’s a little harder. He’s had one relationship with a girl and sex which already is hard for me. But on top of that, he has had sex once with another girl when he was already out of the closet with a girl who knew he was gay. He told me she provoked him. It lowered my self-esteem even more, because he can fuck women anytime he wants even though he’s not attracted sexually to women, in his words “it feels just mechanic”.
I know it’s kind of jealousy too, but I still need something more than somebody telling me not to be jealous.
I like him very much and want to overcome this. There was a moment when it came back to my mind and I felt disgusted while cuddling with him just because I imagined how he fucked that girl, but I didn’t tell him that
He told me that some weeks ago but I can’t stop thinking about it.
He also told me that he’s gay but when he drinks its easier for him to find woman attractive. I asked him if I should worry if he will ever sleep again with a woman he said no. I’m sure he likes me and I want to free myself of this, but I can’t put down his past where he had sex with women.
I would be so glad if you could give me any advice please.
Thank you in advance.
I’m in a relationship with my British boyfriend and when we met at the airport he proposed to me which I said YES because I love him with all my heart, then getting to his lovely house that same day I ate and had my bath. And when he was having his bath I was going through his phone, then I saw a text on his phone telling one of his friends he gave someone a hand job because he was lonely and not with his boyfriend yet. This happened a week after I came so I was shocked because he promised never to cheat on me and that he’ll never sleep with anyone else. Even when I told him someday to sleep with someone because I cared about him because he was telling me how frustrated he was alone without me yet, but I told him if he do that that he should protect himself but he refused and said NO that he won’t cheat on me which I’d believed but now I’m confused, I’m thinking he will still do the same someday when we’re married.
Please help me with advice.
From NiG Nello
Your articles that I’ve read thus far are very insightful. I am writing because I am/was in a relationship (it’s complicated) and things suddenly shifted for my partner. It seemed everything was great until he got a new iPhone. Then when he signed into his iCloud his behavior shifted. Long story short, he got in contact with someone from his past that he’s been attracted to but never explored that attraction. Now he’s confused as to whether he wants to stay or go. He says that he knows that I love him and that I will treat him right, but he still wonders what he might be missing out on with the other guy. What advice can you give me? I was ready for marriage and forever and now I’m just heartbroken.
Lost and Confused
How do you trust a guy that has found nothing wrong with lying to you in the past? An ex of mine from a few years ago reached out to me on Facebook about a month ago, and we’ve been kind of talking ever since. I’ve been shy about going there with him again, because when we were together, he cheated on me twice. Of course with the cheating came the lies. While he said he’s changed, and regrets the past, I don’t want to put myself in a situation where I get hurt again. What should I do here? Should I see where this goes? If I do that, what can I do about the trust issue?
My boyfriend still hasn’t forgiven me for a mistake I made 5 months ago. Back then, I made the mistake of getting oral from a random at my friend’s house party. Well, instead of keeping it a secret, I told him the day after it happened. Although he was pissed and broke up with me, he eventually accepted my apology and forgave me. At least that’s what I thought. Since we got back together, he’s been super paranoid about me going places without him. I mean I get I messed up, but I don’t want to be with him if he doesn’t trust me. Heck I want a boyfriend, not a parole officer. What do you think?
Donald No Trump
I’m writing you because I’m not exactly sure what I should do in this situation. My boyfriend of 8 months cheated on me. Or at least I think it’s cheating. He came out to his brothers about a year ago, and I guess they were cool about it. Well last weekend, apparently they took him out to a straight club and introduced him to some girl. They were under the impression that they could make him like women. And all my boyfriend can tell me is that after a lot drinks, his brothers dropped him and this girl off back at his place and they had sex. He says he doesn’t remember all they did, but just knows he had sex with her. He claims he told me because he wants to be honest with me. The kicker of this whole situation is that he apologized, but said it’s not really cheating because he’s still gay and that woman was a fluke. Like he’s strictly dickly. I’m just not sure how to process this. What do I do in this situation?