relationships

Moving in with My College Bae

Dear T,

First off, let me say how much I enjoy reading your posts.  I haven’t read all of them, but the ones that I did read, I loved.  With that said, I hoping you will be able to help me like you’ve helped other people.  See I’m a junior in college right now, and I have a boyfriend here that is a sophomore.  We both live on campus.  Well in a few months, our school will open up housing selections for next year, and I’m thinking of asking him if he wants to live together.  I would like to be able to go to his dorm room or him to come to my apartment, and not have to worry about whose roommate is home.  Plus, it would be nice to get some regularly available loving if you know what I mean.  I’m just hesitant my boyfriend won’t say yes if I ask him, or that moving in together will cause some friction in our relationship.  But what do you think.

From,

J. Rock17

The Lifestyle

Dear Straight People: Five Misconceptions about Gay Men

  1. The Term “The Gays” Is Not Offensive

I don’t care what The Real Housewives of Wherever may show on TV, saying “the gays” is extremely offensive.  Every time I hear something like “the gays know how to throw a good party,” or “the gays always keep me fabulous,” or “I love the gays,” I cringe.  It’s almost like someone saying “the Blacks,” or “the Jews,” or “the Latinos.”  Listen, the SGL (same gender loving) community is as diverse as any other community.  We don’t all like the same things.  While it is understandable some individuals may have limited their perception of gay men to those that run in their inner circle, these individuals are not justified in making sweeping generalizations about this population group, or referring to its members as if they were pandas in the local zoo.

Dating, friendship

Stop Banging My Friends!!

Dear T,

I have this best friend who I’ve known for 10 plus years.  When we are together, we have nothing but kikis and fun.  However, when I bring him around my other male friends from college, a flip switches and he becomes a person I don’t care for.  Without fail, he makes a point to flirt with all my other male friends.  And if he can, sleeps with them.  That pisses me off.  I don’t understand why there are countless gay men out in the world, and he feels the need to screw my friends.  It’s uncomfortable for me.  When shit hits the fan, my best friend and other friends look at me crazy.  Heck, I’ve actually lost a friendship with one guy because my best friend slept with him.  What do you think I should do here?

From,

Wendell Williams

The Lifestyle

The Black Greek Shun!

Dear T,

So I’m not sure if you know about black Greek stuff or not, but I’m going to go ahead and ask you for some advice about it.  I became a member of a fraternity about two years ago. At first, it was real cool being a part of the brotherhood.  My line brothers and I were always about are business, and we had the best times when we went to parties and on road trips.  Well about a few months ago, my line brothers found out a secret I’ve been keeping, and my relationship with them hasn’t been the same since.  Due to some campus gossips I lived by at college, my brothers found out I’m gay and have a boyfriend.   Being the stereotypical black heterosexual men they are, they’ve pretty much shunned me.  They talk to me as little as possible, and no longer invite me out when they go places.  I have one line brother that is cool with me when it’s just us, but when he gets around my other frat, he says nothing while I’m getting treated poorly.  Since the summer started, I thankfully don’t have to be around all that tension.  However, the fall semester is going to start soon and I’m not looking forward to the bullshit.  Been thinking about just stepping away from the fraternity altogether in August.  And heck I’m chapter president, and do most of the fraternal paperwork.  But I’m tired of the piss pore treatment, and overall discrimination from my own brotherhood.  Any advice you can give me on how I should proceed going forward, is greatly appreciated.  I’m going to be a senior and just want to enjoy my last year in college.

Thankfully,

Half Pint

The Lifestyle

In the Wake of THE Decision

Hey guys and girls,

Happy Monday to each of you! I was going to answer another question and offer some more advice today, but once again I feel pressed to speak my mind about something.  Although this is a sensitive topic and I hope not to offend, I wanted to share my thoughts on homosexuality and Christianity.

Following the historic decision of the U.S. Supreme Court on Friday, I started noticing the expected backlash from the gay/lgbt opponents. Some notable gospel artists expressed their “disappointment” with the Court, and the overall direction of progress in this country. While conservative presidential nominee hopefuls, have come out the box swinging, claiming the justices have made a grave error, and God still only views marriage as a sacred union between a man and a woman. And heck, some folks have even threatened to burn themselves and dissolve their heterosexual marriage, all in an attempt to stand up for Christianity. I’m not only offended by such opposition as a gay man, but as a Christian as well.

Despite what some would like to believe, I don’t think homosexuality is a polar opposite of Christianity, nor do I believe homosexuals are the enemy. And I get there are a few passages in the Bible that openly speak out against same-sex coupling, but the Bible also speaks out against slaves disobeying masters, and women not being fully submissive. I’m not suggesting the Bible is not true in its entirety, but rather perhaps some of the Bible is reflective of the times it was written.  And to my recollection by the way, Jesus himself didn’t mention homosexually specifically in the Bible.  However, He did mention the responsibility we have to love one another.

And newsflash believers in Christ!  Two main components about being Christian is loving your fellow man and ministering to others.  Many gay non-believers are not rushing to Jesus, all due to the judgmental (and often ignorant) expressions from a few that wave the Christian banner.  Where is the love in telling someone “you’re going to hell,” or “God hates you”?  Where is the ministry in condemnation?

I’d also like to point out, that the judgmental (and often ignorant) expressions have the power to drive gay believers from the church. And worse yet, drive them to serious states of depression and even suicide. There are countless stories out there of LGBT individuals taking their life in part because of certain pressures applied by Christian conservatives.

And look, I’m NOT saying that everyone must approve of homosexuality either. People are entitled to their opinion, and I respect that.  Besides, I think it’s difficult for someone to approve of what they don’t understand.  Many Christians, and people in general, don’t get that being gay isn’t a choice, but a personal trait.  Heck, until I came to accept myself, I didn’t get it either. However, I’ve come to realize that trying not to be gay is like trying not to be black or not to have brown eyes. Yeah I can buy skin bleaching agents and color contacts, but at the end of the day, I’ll never escape the real me.

What I AM saying, is that everyone should learn to respectfully disagree, and allow God to judge in his timing.  If I as a gay man am not serving as judge in your meeting with God in the afterlife, don’t attempt to serve as mine.  Also, I think people should come to realize that if same-sex marriage is something they don’t agree with, then they don’t need to do it! Point, blank, period! Just know that if I choose to jump the broom, I will because it’s now my nationally recognized right to do so!

In an attempt to wrap this up, let me just make a few final quick points.

  1. If you’re out there reading this and you are anti-Christianity or have turned away from God because of a run in with a specific church or church members, please don’t give up on your relationship with Christ. I promise you Christ loves you, and is willing and ready to embrace anyone that comes to him.  Don’t allow a bad experience or encounter with the church or its members to deter you from having the greatest relationship one can have in life. Think of it this way, if you have a bad experience with a restaurant, you won’t stop eating.  You’ll simply go to another restaurant to find nourishment!
  1. The national legalization of same-sex marriage was about awarding basic civil rights. It had nothing to do with launching an attack on “Christian values.” So if certain Christians aren’t offend by accepting “gay” tax money, “gay” tithes, and “gay” contributions to society (via certain athletes, politicians, entertainers, and businessmen), then they shouldn’t be so offended if gay and lesbian couples are heading to the alter.
  1. I once heard “that the best thing some Christians can do for the faith, is hide their membership!” I now understand the expression.
  1. Fasten your seatbelt people! The court may have sided with the LGBT community, but my “spidey senses” tell me this fight is long from over.

As always nothing but love,

T.