I Thought We Were Vibing, So Why Did He “Ghost” Me?


I met a guy on Jack’d, out of all places, and we seemed to have hit it off pretty well with our exchange of non-sexual, cool-natured, and friendly messages on there.  Over a span of a couple of days, our vibe was so great, that it led to us exchanging phone numbers where our conversations continued from there on.  This guy had my nose wide open!  He’s a good catch, good credentials, smart, funny, good heart, handsome – All the aspects most want in a guy.  Interested in seeing one another, we decided to meet up in person.  I suggested we’d meet up at a billiard because in my mind, it’d be a place where we can have fun, and feel each other out without the temptation of easily being lured to sex.

We agreed to meet at a reservation, overlooking the city instead, his idea, and a great one because I feel it’s an intimate and romantic “first date” so to speak.  When we met, we were both giddy, obviously feeling each other and both rather shy.  Our talk led to us kissing passionately and, perhaps against my better judgement, led to us getting a little frisky.  All in all, it was a great night and we continued to keep in touch daily.  We made plans to meet up for a second time, got stood up.

I reached out to him the next day, though he should’ve reached out to me, and he apologized with the excuse that he had taken a nap and slept through his alarm. I gave him the benefit of doubt and forgave him.  He made up for standing me up by keeping his word to meet me at my place a week later.  When he arrived at my place, it was the same scenario: we talked, kissed, and got a little freaky.  A part of me felt like I shouldn’t have let it gone to the point of getting sexual, but my hormones were raging, and his presence and his kiss had me weak. Dammit!

And so after that event, we still continued to call/text daily, it’s about 3 weeks since we first communicated on Jack’d at this point.  I thought about him e-ve-ry day!  I couldn’t believe within a short time, I had an immense deep like for this man.  I knew he had a Facebook, though he didn’t tell me, because I did my little research on him around the time we first started talking, as did he with me because he admitted it.  So, I figured since we have chemistry and as far as I was concerned, we were cool, it wouldn’t be creepy, off-putting, or weird to send him a friend request.  So I sent him one thinking at some point, he’ll see it and accept it.

In one of our daily text conversations, we brought up wanting to see each other again.  He suggested that I’d meet him at his place for what would have been our 3rd time seeing each other.  Of course I was thrilled about that so I sent him an affirmative response.  But, when I asked for his address, he never responded back.  I sent that text asking for his address on Monday, May 14th.  Here we are Monday, May 21st and I still haven’t heard from him.

I suffer from the once bitten, twice shy effect to where it’s hard for me to connect with a guy in general because of my nervousness and insecurities of having been rejected time and time again.  So you can imagine, since I’ve connected with this guy, I’m in shell shock, so to speak, from his sudden disappearance.  I checked his Facebook profile to see if my friend request to him was still pending, not only did he not accept it, it appears as though he set it up to where I can no longer send a request. I’m a 32 years old and have never been in a relationship.   My question to you is: from everything that I have explained, did I go wrong somewhere?  Was there anything I did or didn’t do to warrant his abrupt cut off of communication with me?

– Boston_Piscean

The Lifestyle

My Son May Be Gay, What Should I Do?

 Hello T,

I need some help here for my son.  If he is gay that is fine and if not that is fine too. He started hanging with a friend he met and they get along great, which is cool. The thing is my son says he is confused because he likes to hang with his friend because he likes his values and the way he thinks but he does not like penis and his new friend is 100% gay. So what advice can I help give to him. I told him it seems like a companionship more than a relationship but they are pretty close in comparison and hard to help him understand what it is he has.  I just love my son no matter what, and I just feel you can give some really good advice.

Thank you so very much,



My Boyfriend Is Attracted to Men and Women, and I Hate It

 Hey you,

I came across your site and I thought I should just ask. So I’m gay and kind of never had the experience with a woman. No relationships, no sex, no whatever. If I compare myself to other gay guys it seems like the majority of gays had relationships and even sex with woman (I’m from Germany so I don’t know how it is compared to the US).

Anyway, it really made me feel quite bad because I think I’m missing out on something. I don’t feel any sexual attraction to women, but still it hurts me that I am kind of a minority inside of a minority (gay and no sex ever had with a woman).

So far this was kind of okay, but now with my boyfriend it’s a little harder.  He’s had one relationship with a girl and sex which already is hard for me. But on top of that, he has had sex once with another girl when he was already out of the closet with a girl who knew he was gay. He told me she provoked him. It lowered my self-esteem even more, because he can fuck women anytime he wants even though he’s not attracted sexually to women, in his words “it feels just mechanic”.

I know it’s kind of jealousy too, but I still need something more than somebody telling me not to be jealous.

I like him very much and want to overcome this. There was a moment when it came back to my mind and I felt disgusted while cuddling with him just because I imagined how he fucked that girl, but I didn’t tell him that

He told me that some weeks ago but I can’t stop thinking about it.

He also told me that he’s gay but when he drinks its easier for him to find woman attractive.  I asked him if I should worry if he will ever sleep again with a woman he said no. I’m sure he likes me and I want to free myself of this, but I can’t put down his past where he had sex with women.

I would be so glad if you could give me any advice please.

Thank you in advance.



Social Media Posts and Relationships

Hey T,

Not sure if you’ve answered this question before and I missed it, but I’m going to ask. I’m not necessarily in a relationship, but dating and hoping to get in one soon.  Not that I mind being technically single, I just want my bae.  Anyway, me and my God brother, who does have a man, were talking about how upset he gets about his boyfriend being on Instagram and Snapchat.  Not that he’s on the apps, but that he’s always posting body pics.  He started working out heavy about 5 months ago, and I’ll admit he definitely bulked up something fine.  So now I guess he likes showing off his progress.  He’s posted his arms, back, chest, and even legs.  Although, he had to stop with the leg pics because my God brother went off about him posting pics in his underwear.  I tried to tell him that posting pics aren’t that big deal, but he’s convinced that folks will DM his man and that will lead to cheating.

Meanwhile, my God brother vents often vents on Instagram whenever he and his boo have an argument.  I told him to stop that, but he is stubborn and doesn’t listen. Bringing this around to why I wrote you.  How do you think social media should play a role in relationships? Looking forward to hearing from you.


Jimmy Jones 93


You Can’t Travel with Everybody! Some Friends Have to Stay at Home.

Dear T,

How do you tell a friend he’s not invited on a trip?  So I have this close friend who I’ve known for over 2 years.  He moved to the area, I met him at my old job, and we just clicked.  Since he started hanging out with me, I naturally started bringing him around my group of friends.  Which was cool at first. My friends seemed to like him and they would even hang with him when I wasn’t available.  Well last summer we all took a trip to Vegas for my other friend’s birthday.  That’s when the “new” friend showed his ass a bit.  He got drunk nearly every night and was super belligerent and very sloppy.  I mean he literally got so bad one night he got us into a fight on the Vegas strip with some other guys over nothing. We almost got arrested.  He also kept trying to kiss my one friend in the mouth, and needless to say my friend was not interested. Eventually the new friend apologized to all of us and we forgave him, but my old friends stopped hanging around him as much.

Long story short, my group of friends and I have been planning a trip to Punta Cana for my 25th birthday, and all my friend are on board to go.  However, through texts I found out that my original group of friends don’t want my newer friend to go on the trip.  They’ve even said they’ll consider not going on trip if this guy is going. I understand their concern, but now I don’t know what to do.  He already knows about the trip. Hoping you can help.  Sorry if this is a little long winded.


Frankie no Neffe,

The Lifestyle

7 Events for the Black Gay Man’s Summer Calendar

  1. Philly Black Gay Pride (April 27-April 30)

While Philly has never been my favorite city (no offense to the folks from there), this has always been a great kickoff to pride events on the East coast. Given that the event coincides with the track and field Penn Relays, the city is full of people. Not to mention, the city is in driving distance for many people in the Northeast.




If My Gay Boyfriend Had Sex with a Woman, Is that Cheating?


I’m writing you because I’m not exactly sure what I should do in this situation.  My boyfriend of 8 months cheated on me.  Or at least I think it’s cheating.  He came out to his brothers about a year ago, and I guess they were cool about it.  Well last weekend, apparently they took him out to a straight club and introduced him to some girl.  They were under the impression that they could make him like women.  And all my boyfriend can tell me is that after a lot drinks, his brothers dropped him and this girl off back at his place and they had sex.  He says he doesn’t remember all they did, but just knows he had sex with her.  He claims he told me because he wants to be honest with me.  The kicker of this whole situation is that he apologized, but said it’s not really cheating because he’s still gay and that woman was a fluke. Like he’s strictly dickly.   I’m just not sure how to process this.  What do I do in this situation?

-Now What


He Said I Was Too Feminine

Hi T,

Read through a couple of the articles on here, and loved them. You give pretty good advice.  Hoping you’ll be able to give me some. I was seeing this guy I met on Jack’d, and after about a month and a half of dating, he got weird all of a sudden. He stopped texting and calling, and didn’t respond when I reached out to him. So a few days ago, I see him out at this bar with his friends. When he headed to the bathroom alone, I went and confronted him. Point blank, I asked him what the deal was. He told me I was “too feminine.” Rather than cuss him out, I walked away. But now that I’ve thought about it some more, I’m really offended and want to tell his ass off. What should I do? What would you have done?

-Apparently too Girly