Dating

I Thought We Were Vibing, So Why Did He “Ghost” Me?

T,

I met a guy on Jack’d, out of all places, and we seemed to have hit it off pretty well with our exchange of non-sexual, cool-natured, and friendly messages on there.  Over a span of a couple of days, our vibe was so great, that it led to us exchanging phone numbers where our conversations continued from there on.  This guy had my nose wide open!  He’s a good catch, good credentials, smart, funny, good heart, handsome – All the aspects most want in a guy.  Interested in seeing one another, we decided to meet up in person.  I suggested we’d meet up at a billiard because in my mind, it’d be a place where we can have fun, and feel each other out without the temptation of easily being lured to sex.

We agreed to meet at a reservation, overlooking the city instead, his idea, and a great one because I feel it’s an intimate and romantic “first date” so to speak.  When we met, we were both giddy, obviously feeling each other and both rather shy.  Our talk led to us kissing passionately and, perhaps against my better judgement, led to us getting a little frisky.  All in all, it was a great night and we continued to keep in touch daily.  We made plans to meet up for a second time, got stood up.

I reached out to him the next day, though he should’ve reached out to me, and he apologized with the excuse that he had taken a nap and slept through his alarm. I gave him the benefit of doubt and forgave him.  He made up for standing me up by keeping his word to meet me at my place a week later.  When he arrived at my place, it was the same scenario: we talked, kissed, and got a little freaky.  A part of me felt like I shouldn’t have let it gone to the point of getting sexual, but my hormones were raging, and his presence and his kiss had me weak. Dammit!

And so after that event, we still continued to call/text daily, it’s about 3 weeks since we first communicated on Jack’d at this point.  I thought about him e-ve-ry day!  I couldn’t believe within a short time, I had an immense deep like for this man.  I knew he had a Facebook, though he didn’t tell me, because I did my little research on him around the time we first started talking, as did he with me because he admitted it.  So, I figured since we have chemistry and as far as I was concerned, we were cool, it wouldn’t be creepy, off-putting, or weird to send him a friend request.  So I sent him one thinking at some point, he’ll see it and accept it.

In one of our daily text conversations, we brought up wanting to see each other again.  He suggested that I’d meet him at his place for what would have been our 3rd time seeing each other.  Of course I was thrilled about that so I sent him an affirmative response.  But, when I asked for his address, he never responded back.  I sent that text asking for his address on Monday, May 14th.  Here we are Monday, May 21st and I still haven’t heard from him.

I suffer from the once bitten, twice shy effect to where it’s hard for me to connect with a guy in general because of my nervousness and insecurities of having been rejected time and time again.  So you can imagine, since I’ve connected with this guy, I’m in shell shock, so to speak, from his sudden disappearance.  I checked his Facebook profile to see if my friend request to him was still pending, not only did he not accept it, it appears as though he set it up to where I can no longer send a request. I’m a 32 years old and have never been in a relationship.   My question to you is: from everything that I have explained, did I go wrong somewhere?  Was there anything I did or didn’t do to warrant his abrupt cut off of communication with me?

– Boston_Piscean

friendship

How Do you Tell Your Best Friend The Guy He’s Seeing is NO Good?

Dear Tavion,

The problem I’m having lately is with my best friend and the guy he’s been dating.  See my best friend is one of the sweetest guys in the world. He’ll do anything for you, is always there when you need him, and always tries to see the good in people.  Me on the other hand, I’m not so trusting of people, and I’m definitely not so trusting of my friend’s man.  My gut tells me this guy is using my friend.  From what my friend tells me, every time he and this guy go out, my friend always pays.  The guy doesn’t even offer.  I also found out that my friend recently paid for this guy’s phone bill. I want to scream to my friend he’s being stupid and probably being used because he has some money, but my friend can be sensitive sometimes. Last time I tried to tell him about a man he was seeing, he got upset and we didn’t speak for a few days.  Keep in mind that I was actually right. How do I handle this situation this go around?

-Philly Tommy

friendship, relationships

I Have Forgiven My Boyfriend, but My Friends Haven’t. What Do I Do?

T,

What would you do if you were me? I’m having a hard time getting my friends, my sister, and my cousin to like my boyfriend. No matter what I do, they act like they can’t give him a break, and he’s done nothing to them. They are always cordial to him or whatever, minus my sister, but anytime we all hang out you can tell there is tension in the air.  It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even bring him around when I’m with them and vice versa, and that’s no way to live.  I want everybody to accept my baby and love him like I do.  Or at least be happy I’ve found a good man.

If you’re thinking he’s done something to my friends and family, you’re wrong.  He hasn’t done a thing to them. Directly anyway.  My boyfriend cheated on me twice and my crew supported me through it each time. When I told them he changed when he and I got back together this last time, they didn’t buy it. So again, what would you do if you were me?

From,

Vic 94

relationships

My Boyfriend Is Attracted to Men and Women, and I Hate It

 Hey you,

I came across your site and I thought I should just ask. So I’m gay and kind of never had the experience with a woman. No relationships, no sex, no whatever. If I compare myself to other gay guys it seems like the majority of gays had relationships and even sex with woman (I’m from Germany so I don’t know how it is compared to the US).

Anyway, it really made me feel quite bad because I think I’m missing out on something. I don’t feel any sexual attraction to women, but still it hurts me that I am kind of a minority inside of a minority (gay and no sex ever had with a woman).

So far this was kind of okay, but now with my boyfriend it’s a little harder.  He’s had one relationship with a girl and sex which already is hard for me. But on top of that, he has had sex once with another girl when he was already out of the closet with a girl who knew he was gay. He told me she provoked him. It lowered my self-esteem even more, because he can fuck women anytime he wants even though he’s not attracted sexually to women, in his words “it feels just mechanic”.

I know it’s kind of jealousy too, but I still need something more than somebody telling me not to be jealous.

I like him very much and want to overcome this. There was a moment when it came back to my mind and I felt disgusted while cuddling with him just because I imagined how he fucked that girl, but I didn’t tell him that

He told me that some weeks ago but I can’t stop thinking about it.

He also told me that he’s gay but when he drinks its easier for him to find woman attractive.  I asked him if I should worry if he will ever sleep again with a woman he said no. I’m sure he likes me and I want to free myself of this, but I can’t put down his past where he had sex with women.

I would be so glad if you could give me any advice please.

Thank you in advance.

-Bert

relationships

Social Media Posts and Relationships

Hey T,

Not sure if you’ve answered this question before and I missed it, but I’m going to ask. I’m not necessarily in a relationship, but dating and hoping to get in one soon.  Not that I mind being technically single, I just want my bae.  Anyway, me and my God brother, who does have a man, were talking about how upset he gets about his boyfriend being on Instagram and Snapchat.  Not that he’s on the apps, but that he’s always posting body pics.  He started working out heavy about 5 months ago, and I’ll admit he definitely bulked up something fine.  So now I guess he likes showing off his progress.  He’s posted his arms, back, chest, and even legs.  Although, he had to stop with the leg pics because my God brother went off about him posting pics in his underwear.  I tried to tell him that posting pics aren’t that big deal, but he’s convinced that folks will DM his man and that will lead to cheating.

Meanwhile, my God brother vents often vents on Instagram whenever he and his boo have an argument.  I told him to stop that, but he is stubborn and doesn’t listen. Bringing this around to why I wrote you.  How do you think social media should play a role in relationships? Looking forward to hearing from you.

From,

Jimmy Jones 93

Dating

Is Dating Younger a Big Deal?

T,

Real quick.  What are your thoughts on dating younger?  I’m knocking on 29, and I’ve just not been able to make it work with guys my age.  I tried dating older, and that didn’t work out for me.  The older men I’ve dated always came into the situation like they were the authoritarian and I needed to be schooled in everything.  Anyway, I met this guy at a bar about two weeks ago, and we’ve been texting since then.  Only problem is that he just turned 21 a month ago. From what I know he seems cool, but that age difference makes me nervous.  What do you think I should do?
-Young but Not that Young

Dating

Started as a Hookup, But I Caught Feelings

T,

I recently made the mistake of catching feelings for this guy I hooked up with.  About four weeks ago, I started messaging this guy on Jack’d and we met up with the intention to hookup only.  Let me tell you, after round one I was extremely satisfied. When round two finished, I was in awe.  Needless to say, he was definitely feeling the sex too. Well since that first night, we have been staying in contact pretty regularly, and hook up at least twice a week, if not more.  Having gotten to know him a little, I find myself falling for him.  The thing is, he has made it clear on his Jack’d profile that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship.  Heck, he’s even told me he loves being single.  I guess what I’m asking here, is what do I do here?

Thanks in advance bro, and love the site btw.

Restless in Philly

relationships

Should Exes Give Back the Gifts

Hey T,

Me and my Sister were watching some show, and in it, two people had recently broke up and the ex-boyfriend was demanding that the ex-girlfriend return all the expensive gifts he bought. But the ex-girlfriend wouldn’t budge, and kept telling him no. Which got me to thinking. When a couple breaks up, do you think people should return gifts?

Curious for the Future

Personal Revelations

Intimate Convos with Tavion: Dating Women

Before I was certain without a doubt that I was of the homosexual variety, I did happen to go on two dates with the opposite sex that I can remember.  And both of those dates occurred when I was in undergrad.  For those that are familiar with my other Intimate Convos posts, then you know I was pretty much a late bloomer when it comes to my personal life.  First date, first kiss, first time in the hay, all happened when I was 21.  So yeah, a late bloomer.  But anyway, I decided to share my limited experience dating women.