I’m in a terrible position and it’s one of my best friend’s fault. About two months ago my coworker invited me out to brunch. Since he was going to be the only person that I knew, he said I could invite a plus one, so I hit up my friend. I guess that was my mistake.
At brunch my coworker and friend were vibing, and after some mimosas and strong drinks, they started flirting heavy. I tried to block because I know how my friend is, and I didn’t want him pumping and dumping my coworker. Who wants that drama at work? My friend swore it wasn’t like that, and that he liked my coworker so I got out the way. Here I am two months later, and my coworker is pissed at me because he feels my friend ain’t sh*t. I mean my friend slept with my coworker more than once, but my friend kept misleading this guy into believing they were about to be coupled up. Which was not the case. I mean my friend pretty much ghosted him.
Long story short, I’m mad at my friend, my coworker is mad at me, and I shouldn’t even be in the middle of this. What should I do here to fix things?
Mr. Damn Pissed
This man I’m seeing is amazing. He looks good, smells good, is smart, funny, and fine. I mean fine. Since he has all this going on and I’m so damn attracted to him, I thought when we had sex it would be some of the best I ever had. Unfortunately, when we had sex a couple of nights ago I was turned off by his mouth. It was filthy, and not in the good way.
I’m not sure who he’s had sex with in the past, but I don’t like being called out my name. He literally called me foul names during sex. He called me things like “my filthy slut” and “daddy’s b$tch boy.” I promise I wanted to punch him when he said it, but I just let it slide because I do like him. I’m supposed to go on a date with him in a few days when he gets back from visiting his family, and if we have sex again, I can’t have him talking to me like that. One of my best friends told me just to suck it up and let him say what he’s going to say so I don’t make sex boring for this guy. My friend things if I don’t put up with the names, some other man will. But I don’t want to feel disrespected. What would you do?
-Say My Name
This is going to sound weird because it is weird. My boyfriend recently came to me and told me he had a confession. I thought he was going to tell me he cheated, but instead, he said he hadn’t cheated but felt like he wanted to cheat. He apparently said he sometimes feels like hooking up with other men, but won’t because he doesn’t want to hurt me. He said he did the right thing by telling me. I’m not sure how he’d think I respond, but I was pissed. He promised he didn’t do anything with anyone and didn’t hit anyone up. Even said I should be thankful he was honest with his feelings. He went onto say, he just wants us to do more to spice things and suggested some kind of open relationship where we get a pass to mess with a stranger every now and then. I just don’t know what to do with this info because I think an open relationship is the first step to us breaking up. Suggestions?
A friend of mine suggested I come here after you helped her out with her problem. I recently found out that my boyfriend has been having me out here looking stupid. Apparently when he’s had me hanging around his group of friends, he’s been having me hang around someone he used to smash. My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months, and I just found out he and one of his friends used to smash. What’s even sadder is I found out a week ago at a kickback when another one their friends mentioned something while playing Never Have I Ever.
I kept a straight face at the kickback, but when my boyfriend and I got in the car I ripped into him. I just felt stupid. He said he didn’t think it was a big deal because it was a long time ago, and is not interested in his friend. But I feel a way. He’s since apologized, but I’m still pissed. I don’t want to bring up again, but I really want to bring it up again. What do you think?
-Man on Fire
I’d love to ask a question about friendship. I can expand upon it if you like, but I’ll give you a short synopsis. I’m about as standoffish and isolated as you can imagine, and I’ve got a hundred burning bridges behind me that attest to my commitment to compartmentalize.
I struggle with friendships generally, but my short & long term friendships frequently end. I could count on two hands the number of removed friends that I’ve stayed connected with.
I behave brashly when I think I’m wronged, and I am an escapist. I’m taking better care of myself these days, and I don’t want to carelessly allow my friends to drift away.
Can I improve my interpersonal relationships by any ethos that you might know of?
Thank you kindly,
My boyfriend and I started our relationship when I was overseas in February, so basically our relationship does not have a stable foundation. I had to go overseas for studies this whole year, I left in January and will be back in April next year. I recently found out that he cheated on me in April when I was looking through his phone messages, he was very intimate with another girl but this whole time he says that he never had sex with her even though the slept on the same bed a few times. He said he broke it off as he felt that it was not right or that he was starting to develop feelings for her, I don’t remember.
It was very rocky for us back in April, we kind of broke up and kept arguing but finally got back together as he had a scheduled trip to visit me in May, he booked the flights back in February. I forgave him, decided to give him another chance but within the last few days, I found he cheated again in November. He only said it was a bj, but I don’t believe that, because his message to his friend was that the girl said that there was no need to use protection, so to me, they did have sex, or else he would not have said that to his friend, no matter what he says.
He also made out with another girl twice around the same period of time, I found out all of this through his messages to his friend. It was him who gave me his password to his social media accounts, as I found out that he was lying to me recently, hence, I have no trust in long-distance relationships so he gave it to me when I asked for it.
Another thing is that he is extremely flirtatious with girls, just too intimate for my liking. I have spoken to him about it and he said that he will change. But the problem is him cheating so many times, like I just can’t accept it. But after mentioning breaking up he told me his reason of being like this, he said he used to be a very loyal person, but because of his ex he turned out this way. He said his ex used to bring guys back to her apartment all the time and was very intimate with other guys when he was dating her, so he thought and believed that he could do the same as well. After confronting him, he said that he regrets it, he just does not know how to reject people which i believe is bullshit. But he said he is willing to change, to give it a fresh start and to really appreciate me this time.
He deleted all of his Instagram messages (which is where I found all this info from), wanting to start anew, he swears that he will change and that he does not want to break up with me. My friends all tell me that a guy who cheats will never change, which I believe, but I also believe in giving people one more chance. But the problem is that I found out about him cheating within a 2 week span this month, I thought I gave him a chance for his cheating in April but now I find out about another one in November.
I really don’t know what I should do, if I can trust him? None of my friends support us together, none of them believe in cheaters. He was bowing on the ground for me to give him another chance, he keeps apologizing, he really regrets it but words have no effect anymore. He said that he will use time to prove it to me, but I don’t know how he will prove it. Just a little background, he works in a bar, so he meets girls on a daily basis. Which I don’t mind as long as he knows how to draw the line, but clearly he does not. He said from now on he will go straight home after work, he won’t have supper with his friends anymore, he said that he will stay at home with me when he has his days off. He said that he will change, he will do anything to not break up, but I really don’t know what to do right now, I am really confused. Please help me.
I need advice on how to get over/get my mind off of something that my boyfriend did before we were dating.
My boyfriend of five months just recently told me that he has sent nudes (pictures and videos) to over 100 people. This is in a span of a few years before we have been together, up to right before we started getting serious. He told me this less than a week ago, and it’s something that I have not been able to stop thinking about. It is changing the way I view him and act toward him.
I knew he had sent nudes in the past. Right when we became ‘official, he scrolled past a folder in his phone that had countless nude pictures and videos of other men. He deleted the folder and I trust that he is not sending nudes anymore. The thing that bothers me most is that: 1) so many people have seen such a sensitive part of him, 2) if he sent it to that many people, odds are that there is some content of him online and still in the hands of many people, and 3) these people still follow him on social media, know who I am from his posts, and know that we are together.
I have never been one to openly send nudes to people, so I just don’t understand why he would want to do that to so many, even when single. The other day even, I scrolled past a nude photo of someone I don’t know on Twitter, and it turns out he has exchanged nudes with that person. That made it settle in for me how many people I might or might not come in contact with, that has seen him like that.
I really want to continue this relationship. He makes me happy, he is patient and understanding with me and I believe I can trust him. I want to continue this relationship, but I don’t want to keep being miserable and keep thinking about how many people he has sent nudes to.
Your advice would be greatly appreciated
Hi, I’m so heartbroken.
My ex broke with me yesterday. We were in a face to face relationship for a year, then he leaves for school and we committed to a LDR for a year and a half, a total of 2 years and 6 months being a couple. I really really really didn’t see this coming, 10 days before breaking up he told me that I was so good to him, he told me please never give up on him or us, that I was for sure the love of his life and that he wanted everything with me. I saw him last week, I visited him and i thought we were just fine… he confessed that he had cheated on me hours before I arrived, days after he told me that I was the one without a doubt.
I cannot believe that he cheated, not after all we have been trough after all the love we have. We weren’t a toxic relationship at all, I mean everyone said that we were so rare so unreal.
I love him so so so much.
The thing is that he liked being with someone else, so he told me that this girl was no one, but having sex with someone different is what he liked, and that’s why he broke up with me, so he can enjoy his 20’s and be ready for a serious and strong loving relationship.
I don’t know if I want him back because I feel like I can’t trust him because of the cheating plus the LDR, but I just want him to love me, to worry about me, to stay in touch, to be friends but really close friends and maybe In a future, be the strong and loving couple we were.
Please advise me, do we have a future right now? Or maybe later? Can we and how can we be friends?
Hey buddy…I’ve read your stories for a while and never thought I’d need your advice but here I am…lol…so me and my dude have been dating for two years…we’ve been permanently living together for about a year and a half…he bought another house so we could live together…i pay the mortgage and the condo fees and he pays the utilities…we’ve been disagreeing because i want more stability if something happens to him… like my name on the deed of the house…but he’s adamant against that.
I took out an insurance policy on myself for him if i were to die…he was supposed to get one on himself for me but couldn’t because he already had one with that company and doesn’t want to do the medical portion of it…not sure why, but it is what it is…his solution is if something happens to him I get to live in the place until I decide to move…that’s not fair to me…i feel like i should still have just as much stability as he will if something happens to me…how can i explain myself more to him or am i being unreasonable…all of the people who I’ve spoke to about it, the people i confide in, have said that I’m not being unreasonable and that if he doesn’t see my point then maybe i should reconsider living with him and paying his mortgage…I’m torn…i love him but I’m also at an age where i can’t take those chances…i feel like if we’re going to be in a partnership then we need to be partners…not him in charge and me playing house…what do you think?
I am in a Long Distance Relationship with my girlfriend, and I love her as much as she loves me. But, she sent me videos of her cutting herself, and that just hit me hard. I knew it’s cause of me, she’s hurt because of me, but sometimes both of us ended up hurting each other without realizing. And now she’s asking for a breakup and she said, “you deserve someone better because I’ve hurt you way too much.” That’s just sad to know, I love her so much, and I don’t ever want to break up with her. Sometimes she hurts me too, and I also did cut myself. It’s like on and off relationship, we broke up a lot of times, and we haven’t even lasted for more than a week although we’ve been dating online for more than a year.
What should I do?