Dating

I Thought Things Were Going Great and then He Ghosted Me

Hi T,

So I’ve been on Bumble for a while and nothing good has come from it. However, I recently met this guy and we really hit it off. We were texting every day and snap chatting every once in a while, even though he’s not a big phone guy which I believe to be true. We went on 3 dates in one week and it seemed like he was really interested in me. It seemed like we were looking for the same things and both enjoyed spending time together. I really liked him and it didn’t seem like there were any red flags or that he wasn’t into me. Recently, he stopped responding to me and I have no idea what went wrong. Most times when I go on dates with guys, I don’t feel we’re a good match. However, the few times I go on a date with someone that I’m very interested in, they’re not interested in me and proceed to ghost me.

I’m not sure if I should reach out to him and ask what happened so I can get closure or if I just keep throwing up my hands and accepting getting ghosted. I’m growing really tired of having a tough dating experience and just want some honest answers.

Thank you for your help!

-Mysteriously Ghosted

Dating, relationships

I Landed My Gym Crush, and Now I’m a Little Disappointed

T,

What do you do when you finally land your crush and it’s not what you thought it would be? Getting straight to the point, before this whole corona thing popped off, I had a crush on this guy who I’m now dating. For about three months, I would see him at the gym when I went and would find myself so damn thirsty. He has body. So towards the end of January, I finally listened to my friends and spoke with him. And from then on, I got to know more about him and found he was cool. We’ve been dating, have some amazing sex, but there’s an issue with our conversations. I feel like our conversations aren’t great.

We talk about working out, sports, and Marvel movies a lot. Initially that was cool, but when I want to talk politics, or Bravo shows, or cultural issues, or other types of movies, our conversations are a little blah. And maybe because all this quarantining has us spending more and more time together, but I’m a little bothered by our limited talks. Not sure if I’m making a big deal out of nothing or if I was a bit shallow in trying to date him. Not sure if there is a question in there, but I’m sure you can find it.

From,
Blinded by the Muscles

Dating

He’s a Great Guy, but There’s NO Physical Attraction

Hey T,

I started dating this guy about 2 and half months ago and he’s great. He’s always concerned about making me feel special, plans great dates, and treats me like a king. There’s just one thing that I’m concerned about that bothers me. I don’t think I’m as physically attracted to him as I should be. Two of my friends told me that I should ride it out with this guy, because physical attraction can develop, and it’s not every day you come across a good guy (btw, they think he’s good looking, he’s just not my usual type). I want to stick it out with him, but not sure I’m doing him or me any favors. What do you think?

– 312

friendship

I Think I Prematurely End My Friendships. What’s Wrong with Me?

I’d love to ask a question about friendship. I can expand upon it if you like, but I’ll give you a short synopsis. I’m about as standoffish and isolated as you can imagine, and I’ve got a hundred burning bridges behind me that attest to my commitment to compartmentalize.

I struggle with friendships generally, but my short & long term friendships frequently end. I could count on two hands the number of removed friends that I’ve stayed connected with.

I behave brashly when I think I’m wronged, and I am an escapist. I’m taking better care of myself these days, and I don’t want to carelessly allow my friends to drift away.

Can I improve my interpersonal relationships by any ethos that you might know of?

Thank you kindly,

J.K.

friendship, relationships

I Can’t Stand My Friend’s Boyfriend… He’s Controlling

T,

Point blank, I’m not a fan of my friend’s boyfriend. I feel like this old man kinda controls my friend, he’s 34 and she’s 23. Take for example the fact he tried to check her once about her hair. Apparently, he’s not a fan of braids, and let it be known by telling her that braids didn’t look nice on her and she shouldn’t get them anymore. Plus, she pays for almost everything in the relationship. Oh and since she started seeing this guy, she hates going to the club.

I know I shouldn’t get in the middle of someone’s relationship, but I felt I had to. I told her as nicely as I could to stop letting him control her, and she says he’s not. I didn’t want to push too hard because I’m nervous she would try to bail on me, but I want my friend back. What should I do here?

          King Kunta

The Lifestyle

You Want a Commitment from a Man Who Won’t Commit

Dear T,

I’m starting to feel stupid. I’ve been dealing with this guy for about 4 months now, but I’m just frustrated. We have good dates, good conversations, and good sex. He just won’t commit to me. He keeps saying he likes me, but doesn’t want to be in an official relationship. Despite being with me at least 3 days a week every week, he says being in an official relationship is not something he wants to do because relationships are complicated.

I hate being in this position. He’s free to do whatever he wants, and I’m left falling in love or whatever with a guy that’s not technically mine. I know I can just walk away, but I can’t find myself doing it. How would you get this guy to boo you up?

From,

Mr. Frustrated

Dating, relationships

I Really Like this Guy, but He Ghosted Me More than Once

Dear T,

What does it mean when a guy tells you he likes you and wants to build something with you, but he then goes ghost.  He’s ghosted me more than once. Long story short, this guy who I’ve been dating for about 3 months is so up and down. One week we’re talking every day with texts and calls, and the next week he may text me 4 times over 7 days. When I asked him what the deal was, he said work gets stressful sometimes, but he doesn’t mean to offend. Said he is working toward a relationship with me, but his disappearing act pisses me off.  But he has time to like Ig photos, not that I’m stalking him. What should I do here?

-Drizzy95

relationships

He Keeps Cheating but Says He Wants to Change

T,

My boyfriend and I started our relationship when I was overseas in February, so basically our relationship does not have a stable foundation. I had to go overseas for studies this whole year, I left in January and will be back in April next year. I recently found out that he cheated on me in April when I was looking through his phone messages, he was very intimate with another girl but this whole time he says that he never had sex with her even though the slept on the same bed a few times. He said he broke it off as he felt that it was not right or that he was starting to develop feelings for her, I don’t remember.

It was very rocky for us back in April, we kind of broke up and kept arguing but finally got back together as he had a scheduled trip to visit me in May, he booked the flights back in February. I forgave him, decided to give him another chance but within the last few days, I found he cheated again in November. He only said it was a bj, but I don’t believe that, because his message to his friend was that the girl said that there was no need to use protection, so to me, they did have sex, or else he would not have said that to his friend, no matter what he says.

He also made out with another girl twice around the same period of time, I found out all of this through his messages to his friend. It was him who gave me his password to his social media accounts, as I found out that he was lying to me recently, hence, I have no trust in long-distance relationships so he gave it to me when I asked for it.

Another thing is that he is extremely flirtatious with girls, just too intimate for my liking. I have spoken to him about it and he said that he will change. But the problem is him cheating so many times, like I just can’t accept it. But after mentioning breaking up he told me his reason of being like this, he said he used to be a very loyal person, but because of his ex he turned out this way. He said his ex used to bring guys back to her apartment all the time and was very intimate with other guys when he was dating her, so he thought and believed that he could do the same as well. After confronting him, he said that he regrets it, he just does not know how to reject people which i believe is bullshit. But he said he is willing to change, to give it a fresh start and to really appreciate me this time.

He deleted all of his Instagram messages (which is where I found all this info from), wanting to start anew, he swears that he will change and that he does not want to break up with me. My friends all tell me that a guy who cheats will never change, which I believe, but I also believe in giving people one more chance. But the problem is that I found out about him cheating within a 2 week span this month, I thought I gave him a chance for his cheating in April but now I find out about another one in November.

I really don’t know what I should do, if I can trust him? None of my friends support us together, none of them believe in cheaters. He was bowing on the ground for me to give him another chance, he keeps apologizing, he really regrets it but words have no effect anymore. He said that he will use time to prove it to me, but I don’t know how he will prove it. Just a little background, he works in a bar, so he meets girls on a daily basis. Which I don’t mind as long as he knows how to draw the line, but clearly he does not. He said from now on he will go straight home after work, he won’t have supper with his friends anymore, he said that he will stay at home with me when he has his days off. He said that he will change, he will do anything to not break up, but I really don’t know what to do right now, I am really confused. Please help me.

-Annie

Dating, relationships

He Cheated on Me Because He Needed to Make Sure I Was the One

Hi T,

I am currently in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of about 6months, it has been a very full on time from woah to go and feelings developed very quickly for each other at a level we both didn’t see coming, he is 6 years younger than me so hasn’t had as many relationships as me or life experience. He was living in the same town as me but then moved away for the summer for work. We had been planning the future together, both deciding to relocate and starting a new life together in a different city once we had both wrapped up our jobs.

He is just over a month into living in a different town than me. I had just spent an amazing extended weekend with him the first time we had seen each other in person since he left. It has now come out, about a week ago (the day after I left) that he cheated on me with a girl he barely knew who had no idea we were together, the girl contacted me. They didn’t have sex but kissed and fooled around a wee bit. I asked him if he had done something that would hurt me and he straight away said yes. His reasoning behind doing it was a very backwards way of figuring out for himself if I was truely who he wanted to be, as like I said it had been a very full on and intense progression of our relationship and him being that bit younger he was scared about how he had found me so early on in his life. He knew straight after this meeting with this girl that yes I was the one he loves and wants to be with.  He said he had blanked it from his memory that he had done this as it meant absolutely nothing to him, he doesn’t want to even remember that he has done it. He didn’t want me to find out as he knew it would really hurt me but he also knew I would find out because I can read him like a book.

I do truly love this guy and see my future with him, he had not changed his tune at all with talking about the future and planning things together after what he had done. Of course I am really hurt with it what has happened but it will take me time to trust him again.

I guess the advice I want from you T is it possible that cheating with someone else like this is a way of figuring things out for himself? How do I move forward with him and learn to trust him again, especially as we still have 4/5 months of long distance before he was going to move in with me.

He has gone into a mode of why would I want to be with him after he has done this, his parents are pretty mad at him for what he has done and friends really disappointed. He is hurting because he has hurt me so much. I am worried that this will spell the end for us as it seems too much doubt has crept into his mind with how he views himself, and how I deserve better.

C

Dating

I’m Over 30 and Never Been in a Relationship. How Do I Not Be Single

Hey Tot—
I’m single and just turned 33, and have been single for 33 years lol. Plus, sex isn’t really a habit in my life including self-pleasure. I don’t know where to begin when it comes to dating, a relationship, or building a healthy sex life.
I am an actor currently touring the country with a Broadway musical. I am verse/bottom. I am pretty handsome. I am also inexperienced, and it weakens me a bit.

Where do I start?

-ART