Dating

He’s Younger. Just Having Fun or Dating to Build a Relationship?

T,

I’m having a slight issue with my friends about the guy I’m dating. Don’t judge me but I started talking to this guy about three months ago, so yes during the pandemic, but I’ve been careful. Anyway, this guy is amazing so far. His communication is great, he makes me laugh, cooks some good food, and the sex is on point. There’s just one thing. He’s younger than me, and sometimes it shows. I’m 36 and he’s 22, and our taste in music is different, we don’t necessarily watch all the same things, and I’ve lived more life and experienced more things. Also, I’m pretty sure if the clubs were open here he’d be in them, and I’ve outgrown that time of my life.

My friends think I’m just playing with this guy and having fun, and can’t believe I’m serious about him. But I really do like him and am interested in seeing where it goes with him, despite his somewhat immaturity at times. Sick of my friends’ judgment. Guess what I’m asking is do you think my friends are right? Is whatever we’re doing just a result of these pandemic circumstances?

-Have a Tenderoni

Dating

When Is the Right Time to Share Your Undetectable Status?

Hello Tavion,

I hope that you are well. As always, I enjoy your site and the advice that you give so I am reaching out. Here is my dilemma. I am HIV Undetectable. When dating, I oftentimes wonder when to disclose to my dating partner. I don’t want to mention it too soon and scare him off. I also don’t want to wait too late, especially if it’s a “deal-breaker” for him. Do you have any advice on the right time to disclose HIV status so no one is wasting their time but giving a fair chance for things to develop?

-Soon to Be Late

relationships

My Boyfriend Said He Didn’t Cheat, But Wants an Open Relationship

T,

This is going to sound weird because it is weird. My boyfriend recently came to me and told me he had a confession. I thought he was going to tell me he cheated, but instead, he said he hadn’t cheated but felt like he wanted to cheat. He apparently said he sometimes feels like hooking up with other men, but won’t because he doesn’t want to hurt me. He said he did the right thing by telling me. I’m not sure how he’d think I respond, but I was pissed. He promised he didn’t do anything with anyone and didn’t hit anyone up. Even said I should be thankful he was honest with his feelings. He went onto say, he just wants us to do more to spice things and suggested some kind of open relationship where we get a pass to mess with a stranger every now and then. I just don’t know what to do with this info because I think an open relationship is the first step to us breaking up. Suggestions?

From,

Unchartered Territory

 

relationships

The Guy in His DM Is Causing Our Relationship Problems

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. We spoke about moving in together this upcoming August. We never had a real argument until last June. He went to a guy’s party (he told me he was going to a party but didn’t tell me who it was). I found out the guy who had the party was a guy who went into my boyfriend’s DM and was flirting with him. I found out who the guy was by snooping. I confronted him and told him I didn’t feel comfortable with him going. Long story short, he still went even though he knew I was uncomfortable. Today 5/19 I found out they are still talking. The guy posted on my bf birthday picture saying he wish he could celebrate with him. Now I feel some type of way that they still talking. I also feed disrespected due to the fact one of our only argument was about this guy and it seems like it doesn’t matter to him.

-Jay

relationships

He Doesn’t Want Our Child, Should I Tell Him to Just Go?

Hi there.

I’m 20 weeks pregnant with a man I’ve known for only 6 months. He doesn’t want the baby but he is trying to be there for me. He’s been by my side since we found out. The only problem is he hasn’t told his family and seems like he wants to keep everything a secret. He has not met my family either because I haven’t met his. And my family wants it to be that way out of respect until I get to meet his family.

He recently told me he told his older sister about the pregnancy. Which is a start… but every day that I am with him he tells me he still can’t believe I put him in this situation.. and he had no choice. Today I finally told him he does not have to be here for me anymore and that I can do it on my own.. knowing his heart is not in it. He’s upset that I made my own decisions and also upset that I can drop everything like that, but how can I stay with someone whose heart and mind is somewhere else.. I rather have him live his life and never look back because it was my decision and my fault for making my own choices. I don’t want it to be forced love either.. He also can’t let go of his ex-girlfriend. I found a photo of her in his wallet. I don’t want him being unhappy with me and playing house with me because he feels bad or feels like he has to be here. I rather set him free and let him live his life with someone he truly wants to be with. I don’t know if I’m making the wrong choice but I also told him I will always be here.. I’m not going anywhere but maybe it’s best for the both of us to go our separate ways.

Knowing it’s 1 sided, I know he cares for me and he does tell me it’s up to me and that I’m pushing him away, but I’m truly not because I know deep down inside this isn’t what he wants. He’s a man with pride and feels like he should be here for me. But I don’t want any fake love, I rather be alone and do things alone then make him feel like I have a hold on him. He’s in pain and is confused and I am thinking about his feelings. And maybe he is just scared to actually make that step to leave or move on because he feels scared to leave us behind. But knows he wants to. He told me he’s thought about it. I decided to save both of us and tell him its ok we can both go on with our lives and I will not bother him anymore. For him to focus on himself only, and this could be a new start for the both of us. I am dying inside but I can’t hurt and force someone to be part of something they never wanted to be part of.

Am I being smart or selfish? I have no idea. I just feel like a horrible person who ruined his life. I am also thinking about myself, I want to adjust being alone and prepare myself for the future and for my baby. Because at the end of the day you only got yourself. So please help me. I’m sorry that was a long read… thank you for your time.

-Azaria

Dating

After Two Years I Want Him to Be My Man

T,

I have been seeing this guy for 2 years. We met on a dating app and at the beginning we were both looking for casual dating. He is 40 yrs old has never been married, has no kids, and travels for work. He said he wasn’t looking for anything serious because he travels for work he can’t give me that commitment of a real relationship. I am 35 yrs old and I have an 8 yr old daughter. Casual dating was perfect at first because of my schedule, I had my daughter in almost daily activities and figured we can occasionally hang out. Fast forward to now, my feelings are really strong for him. Like this is the man I want to marry and I want more than just hanging out. Part of me wants to continue what we have because our times together are amazing and I am hopeful that with time he will want more. My past relationships I have always rushed things and this is why I am just going with the flow of things, let life take its course. But at the same time I can’t help to think that this may never be more than what it is. I do like what we have but now I want more. Should I continue what we have until I’m fed up or just call it quits?

-Cheri

Dating

Because of the Coronavirus I Found Out My Boyfriend is Married

T,

Let me tell you what I’ve been going through lately. I’ve been dating this guy for 6 months. We met at the gym, and he actually approached me. I wasn’t really checking for a relationship or anything, so the fact that I let this guy sweep me up is surprising. So after some good dates and even better sex, we became official, but then the Corona hit. As soon as all the quarantine stuff started happening, I’ve seen him 2 times in a month. The phone calls weren’t as frequent either. Once he started pulling back, I thought maybe he was super cautious about catching corona, but then my gut was telling me something was up.

I did a little digging on Facebook, which I hadn’t done before, and found out my so-called boyfriend is married with a young kid. I was crushed. A week ago I sent him a text to call me, and when we spoke on the phone he went into this story that he is married, but him and his wife have an understanding that they can do whatever. They are only together for their son, and can do whatever with whoever outside the house. Because of everything that’s been going on, he has to spend more time at home. He said the only reason he didn’t tell me everything up front was because most people don’t understand his arrangement, and really likes me and didn’t want me to cancel him. However, what am I supposed to do with that? He’s not planning on divorcing his wife until his kid is grown, but wants to date me in the meantime. Can’t wait to hear your thoughts.

– Quarantined and Hate It

Dating

He’s a Great Guy, but There’s NO Physical Attraction

Hey T,

I started dating this guy about 2 and half months ago and he’s great. He’s always concerned about making me feel special, plans great dates, and treats me like a king. There’s just one thing that I’m concerned about that bothers me. I don’t think I’m as physically attracted to him as I should be. Two of my friends told me that I should ride it out with this guy, because physical attraction can develop, and it’s not every day you come across a good guy (btw, they think he’s good looking, he’s just not my usual type). I want to stick it out with him, but not sure I’m doing him or me any favors. What do you think?

– 312

relationships

I Cheated on My Long-Distance Boyfriend, How Do I Get Him Back?

Dear T,

I did something I regret, and I want to fix it. I am in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend of 8 months. However, I kinda hurt him when I hooked up with one of his friends. I did not mean to. It was in the heat of the moment because this friend is mutual. I told him about it because we are the type to be honest with each other. I feel rotten and I don’t deserve him or to be loved. We are on a break now so he can sort himself out. I want to change. I cry every day and I miss him so much. I want to clean up myself and show him that I am sorry. I just do not know what to do, but know it’s his decision this time. How do I go about this?

-Emotional

 

Dating, relationships

I Really Like this Guy, but He Ghosted Me More than Once

Dear T,

What does it mean when a guy tells you he likes you and wants to build something with you, but he then goes ghost.  He’s ghosted me more than once. Long story short, this guy who I’ve been dating for about 3 months is so up and down. One week we’re talking every day with texts and calls, and the next week he may text me 4 times over 7 days. When I asked him what the deal was, he said work gets stressful sometimes, but he doesn’t mean to offend. Said he is working toward a relationship with me, but his disappearing act pisses me off.  But he has time to like Ig photos, not that I’m stalking him. What should I do here?

-Drizzy95