I’d love to ask a question about friendship. I can expand upon it if you like, but I’ll give you a short synopsis. I’m about as standoffish and isolated as you can imagine, and I’ve got a hundred burning bridges behind me that attest to my commitment to compartmentalize.
I struggle with friendships generally, but my short & long term friendships frequently end. I could count on two hands the number of removed friends that I’ve stayed connected with.
I behave brashly when I think I’m wronged, and I am an escapist. I’m taking better care of myself these days, and I don’t want to carelessly allow my friends to drift away.
Can I improve my interpersonal relationships by any ethos that you might know of?
Thank you kindly,
First and foremost, I love what you’re doing here. Like that you created something for us by us. It’s like you’re the FUBU of advice or something. That’s definitely a throwback and not the point. The point and the question I have is about my friend and ex.
Here’s the thing, my ex and I broke up about three months ago after a two year relationship. We are still cool. About a month ago a friend of mind reached out to me and wanted to know if he could hit up my ex to help him start his business. My friend is trying to flip houses, and my ex is a realtor assessor, so it makes sense for my friend to want my ex’s advice. Of course I was cool with them talking because I support friends chasing bags. However, my friend contacted him a month ago, and now it seems like him and my ex are cool. As a matter of fact, they are too damn cool.
I feel like my friend is breaking friend code by building a friendship with someone I used to date. Especially, because I’m starting to think my friend may be catching feelings for my ex. My friend has been sneaky in the past with another friend’s ex, and I don’t want him pulling that with me. If you were me, what would you do?
Believer in the Code
First off, as a lot of others do, I like to thank you for your truly wise words in these posts. I’m not a huge fan of reading novels and I rarely read any news at all, but your posts are my bread and butter in this lower stage of my life.
So in the past, I’ve always been quick about jumping into relationships and it clouds my better judgement. After just two or three dates I truly believe that “she” is the one, but I’ve either lost feelings completely after some months, gotten cheated on or realized something dark about the person. An example could be that I found my latest ex being a racist.
Now I believe I found the one FOR REAL. She’s beautiful, smart, funny and genuinely awesome, but she doesn’t like me the same way. We’ve been close friends for a while now and we’ve shared beds without actually doing it, we’ve shared our secrets but I’m hardcore friendzoned. Another problem is that she likes to dress a bit… chilly, if you catch my drift… This is a turn on for me, of course, but that’s not truly what I want anyways and because she dresses like this, does it mean she dresses up for all the boys to be all over her or because she’s just following the stream?
So to summarize, I’ve got two questions. How do you get out of a friendzone as heavily fortified as Fort Knox? And if a girl dresses up at bit light, does that mean that she’s proud or “open for business” so to speak?
What would you do if you were me? I’m having a hard time getting my friends, my sister, and my cousin to like my boyfriend. No matter what I do, they act like they can’t give him a break, and he’s done nothing to them. They are always cordial to him or whatever, minus my sister, but anytime we all hang out you can tell there is tension in the air. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even bring him around when I’m with them and vice versa, and that’s no way to live. I want everybody to accept my baby and love him like I do. Or at least be happy I’ve found a good man.
If you’re thinking he’s done something to my friends and family, you’re wrong. He hasn’t done a thing to them. Directly anyway. My boyfriend cheated on me twice and my crew supported me through it each time. When I told them he changed when he and I got back together this last time, they didn’t buy it. So again, what would you do if you were me?
How do you tell a friend he’s not invited on a trip? So I have this close friend who I’ve known for over 2 years. He moved to the area, I met him at my old job, and we just clicked. Since he started hanging out with me, I naturally started bringing him around my group of friends. Which was cool at first. My friends seemed to like him and they would even hang with him when I wasn’t available. Well last summer we all took a trip to Vegas for my other friend’s birthday. That’s when the “new” friend showed his ass a bit. He got drunk nearly every night and was super belligerent and very sloppy. I mean he literally got so bad one night he got us into a fight on the Vegas strip with some other guys over nothing. We almost got arrested. He also kept trying to kiss my one friend in the mouth, and needless to say my friend was not interested. Eventually the new friend apologized to all of us and we forgave him, but my old friends stopped hanging around him as much.
Long story short, my group of friends and I have been planning a trip to Punta Cana for my 25th birthday, and all my friend are on board to go. However, through texts I found out that my original group of friends don’t want my newer friend to go on the trip. They’ve even said they’ll consider not going on trip if this guy is going. I understand their concern, but now I don’t know what to do. He already knows about the trip. Hoping you can help. Sorry if this is a little long winded.
Frankie no Neffe,
Dear Younger Self,
Don’t file this away as spam, or as something completely irrelevant. I want you to take time to really think on the words I’m about to share with you. Not because I’ve all of a sudden discovered the answers to all of life’s problems. Or because I desperately want to be another person today. But instead, look at my letter as words of wisdom from a more knowledgeable you. Words to help you to be a little less naive about somethings as you get older. After all besides Jesus, I’m the only that truly knows the real you. Including the “you” that you try to keep hidden and the “you” that you don’t even know exists yet.
I have this best friend who I’ve known for 10 plus years. When we are together, we have nothing but kikis and fun. However, when I bring him around my other male friends from college, a flip switches and he becomes a person I don’t care for. Without fail, he makes a point to flirt with all my other male friends. And if he can, sleeps with them. That pisses me off. I don’t understand why there are countless gay men out in the world, and he feels the need to screw my friends. It’s uncomfortable for me. When shit hits the fan, my best friend and other friends look at me crazy. Heck, I’ve actually lost a friendship with one guy because my best friend slept with him. What do you think I should do here?
I don’t really have a question about dating or relationships, but I have a question nonetheless. When me and my group of friends go out, one of them, who I’ll refer to as X, always gets to drunk. I mean we could all be drinking, but usually without fail X will go too far. When he gets drunk he starts talking very loudly and aggressively with us and strangers. Plus, X gets super flirtatious. Many times he has grabbed some guy’s a$$ or crotch. And often the grabbing is not wanted. Needless to say, his behavior has caused my friends and me to be embarrassed and involved in several altercations. We tried talking to X about his behavior, and he either doesn’t get that he is reckless drunk, or he doesn’t care. What would you do in this situation?