friendship

How Do you Tell Your Best Friend The Guy He’s Seeing is NO Good?

Dear Tavion,

The problem I’m having lately is with my best friend and the guy he’s been dating.  See my best friend is one of the sweetest guys in the world. He’ll do anything for you, is always there when you need him, and always tries to see the good in people.  Me on the other hand, I’m not so trusting of people, and I’m definitely not so trusting of my friend’s man.  My gut tells me this guy is using my friend.  From what my friend tells me, every time he and this guy go out, my friend always pays.  The guy doesn’t even offer.  I also found out that my friend recently paid for this guy’s phone bill. I want to scream to my friend he’s being stupid and probably being used because he has some money, but my friend can be sensitive sometimes. Last time I tried to tell him about a man he was seeing, he got upset and we didn’t speak for a few days.  Keep in mind that I was actually right. How do I handle this situation this go around?

-Philly Tommy

relationships

My Boyfriend’s Friend Uninvited Me and I’m Uptight About It

Hey T,

It’s definitely been a while since I’ve visited your site.   I have always enjoyed the advice you’ve given others, along with your viewpoint.  So here’s the situation….  My boyfriend and I had planned to take a trip together (for an organization he is affiliated with).  The purpose of me going was just so that he’d have someone to ride with him and also to be supportive.  Initially we were supposed to stay with his friend (who’s married), but he learned that his friend’s spouse has apprehension of house guests that he doesn’t know (Understandable, right?).  Being that my boyfriend is currently in between jobs right now, it was more economical to crash at his friends place.  After telling the friend that he would like to come but really wants me to come along with him, the friend suggests that he just comes alone.   My boyfriend gave it some thought and said, sure I’ll still come.  I am feeling a certain type of way about it, because I feel that my plans have now been altered and it doesn’t show us “strong” or unified.  I want to bring it up to him but I don’t know how to approach it without being argumentative and want to avoid any conflict of him having to choose.  Any suggestions? What’s your take on this with provided info?

-Uninvited

Dating, friendship

I Want the Man My Friend is Dating

T,

I’m in a bit of a situation, and it’s not a good one.  I’ll try to keep this short and to the point. So about 3 months ago, me and my friend went to a house party and I met this guy I’ll call Mark.  Mark and I were really vibing with each other, but at the time I was in a relationship.  Because I was committed to my ex, but thought Mark was a good guy, I introduced him to my friend. Since that night, the two have been talking and went on dates, but aren’t in a relationship.  My friend says he likes Mark, but isn’t sure he wants to be tied down to one person. Heck, he dates Mark and two other people right now.

The dilemma is, Mark and I have been texting since we met.  Our conversations weren’t romantic or anything at first, because again I was boo’d up and I introduced him to my friend. We would talk about sports, shows, and life in general. However, in the back of my mind I still felt drawn to him, and I’m pretty sure the attraction is mutual. Since I’ve broken up with my ex about a month ago, Mark and I have been flirting. Trust me I know it’s bad because Mark is talking to my friend.  Well what’s even worse, is that I’m tired of sneaking behind friend’s back, and I’m tired of not being able to act on my attraction.  I want to be with Mark. With all that said, I’m not sure how to handle this problem. Hopefully, you can help.

From,

Unintentional Triangle

friendship

What RHOA Really Taught Us about Friendships?

By now, most of the country has been exposed to the web of lies that was season nine of The Real Housewives of Atlanta.  As entertaining, or perhaps just shocking, the battle between Kandi and Phaedra was, or the relationship shift between Porsha and Shamea may have been, I find myself thinking about the underlying notions of friendship.  I’m one of those people that believes there are certain rules to friendship whether people are on good terms, or they fall out.  And all that unfolded on this season seems to break a few of these rules.  So in essence, RHOA this season taught us what not to do when it comes to friendships.

friendship

You Can’t Travel with Everybody! Some Friends Have to Stay at Home.

Dear T,

How do you tell a friend he’s not invited on a trip?  So I have this close friend who I’ve known for over 2 years.  He moved to the area, I met him at my old job, and we just clicked.  Since he started hanging out with me, I naturally started bringing him around my group of friends.  Which was cool at first. My friends seemed to like him and they would even hang with him when I wasn’t available.  Well last summer we all took a trip to Vegas for my other friend’s birthday.  That’s when the “new” friend showed his ass a bit.  He got drunk nearly every night and was super belligerent and very sloppy.  I mean he literally got so bad one night he got us into a fight on the Vegas strip with some other guys over nothing. We almost got arrested.  He also kept trying to kiss my one friend in the mouth, and needless to say my friend was not interested. Eventually the new friend apologized to all of us and we forgave him, but my old friends stopped hanging around him as much.

Long story short, my group of friends and I have been planning a trip to Punta Cana for my 25th birthday, and all my friend are on board to go.  However, through texts I found out that my original group of friends don’t want my newer friend to go on the trip.  They’ve even said they’ll consider not going on trip if this guy is going. I understand their concern, but now I don’t know what to do.  He already knows about the trip. Hoping you can help.  Sorry if this is a little long winded.

From,

Frankie no Neffe,

Dating, friendship

Is It Cool to Date the Ex of a Friend of a Friend?

So T,

What obligation do I have to a friend of a friend?  I met this guy at a club about three weeks ago, and we’ve been talking ever since.  Well I recently showed my best friend a picture of the guy, and he informs me a friend of his used to be with him.  Now, I know the friend he was talking about, but he isn’t my friend.  At most, he is an acquaintance.  My friend said I may want to back off this new guy, because he has history with someone I know.  However, I really like this guy, and I’ve only seen my friend’s friend in passing.  Am I wrong for wanting to continue seeing this new man?

-No Limit91

friendship

My Friend Hates My Man Tracks

T,

My friend just pissed me off, and I’m hoping you can help. I recently got man tracks installed and I thought I looked good. But when I asked him what he thought, he told me I look ‘foolish’. Then asked me why I would do this. I didn’t tell him initially, but what he said made me mad. Don’t I have a reason to be upset here though? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

-Head and Shoulders

friendship

Giving Unsolicited Advice to a Mother

Dear T,

I’m going to try and keep this brief.  I’ve been friends with this girl for a little over a year.  Recently, I have been going over to her house to hang out from time to time, and noticed how she treats her children.  She has two boys and treats them both completely different. The youngest, she babies a lot and caters to his needs.  With her young teenage son, she is a bit harder on him.  I’m all for tough love, but she treats him like some neighbor’s son instead of her own.   Better yet, it’s like the teenager is Cinderella, and the youngest is one of the sisters. Except in this situation, the youngest is not mean at all, and the oldest is biologically my friend’s child. He rarely cracks a smile when I’m over there.  When I tried talking to him one on one, he was reluctant to share his feelings with me.  Everything in me is telling me to mind my business, and let my friend parent how she wants to parent.  However, she recently shared with me that the youngest boy asked her why the oldest boy hates him.  It seemed to break her heart, and I want to tell her that it’s her fault.  What should I do here?  Sorry if it’s not that brief.

-Cautiously concerned.

friendship

Should I Tell Him He Stinks?

T,

Quick and easy question for you.  Well hopefully.  There is an associate I come across from time to time when I go to bars and what not, and he always an odor problem.  Either his breath isn’t the freshest, or he has some body odor issues.  On rare occasions both.  Anyway, I wanted so bad to tell him last weekend about himself, because I’m tired of interacting with the smell.  But my best friend who was out with me at the time, told me it wasn’t my place.  He said I should let one of the friends of my associate tell him.  However, if this is a consistent problem, doesn’t that mean his friends aren’t being a friend and helping him to solve this problem?  I told my bestie the next time I see the guy out, I’m going to pull him to the side in private and just be straight up with him.  But what do you think?

-Smells Bother Me

Dating

The Top Ten Things No One Wants to Hear on the First Date

Folks, there are just some things you should talk very little about or not talk about at all on a first date.  I’m afraid there are many individuals out here that don’t know what those things are, and are in the dark as to why they aren’t getting a callback from their suitor.  So consider this me trying to help you, or perhaps your friend, out a little bit.