relationships

I’ve Lost Weight and My Boyfriend Gained Insecurity

Hi T,

I’ve been reading through your site and thought you had some good advice so I’m going to try this out. I’m having a problem with my boyfriend that’s really getting on my nerve lately. To give you a little background, over the past six months I’ve lost about 48 lbs and look the best I have in a minute. My boyfriend was initially very support of the weight loss, but over the last few weeks he’s gotten super clingy and possessive. I just don’t know where any of this is coming from. Appreciate the insight.

-New Me, But Not Who Dis

P.S., we’ve been together for over a year.

Pop Culture

Dreams and Fulfillment: Putting Action Behind Your 2019 Resolutions

Making New Year’s Resolutions is nothing new. As a matter of fact, historians have said the Babylonians were the first to make New Year’s Resolutions roughly 4,000 years ago. Which means, for centuries upon centuries, people have used the top of the year to promise themselves better health, better wealth ,and a certain glow up they’ve yet to attain before. While I’m not sure what happened back in the days of the Babylonians, I know in this day and age, commitment to keeping resolutions has become somewhat of a running joke.

Think about it. How many people do you know that have been working on their “summer body” for about four summers? (No shade intended, because I too have been working on my summer body since 2016 myself LOL). And how many folks can you name right now that have been committed to leveling-up in their career yet have made no efforts to move out of their current job? I won’t even touch on the unfulfilled travel goals people make yet make no efforts to save money for said goals. (Again, no shade intended, but I too can relate.)

Dating

Fitness Or Romance? Should I Tell Him I Like Him?

Hi T!

I just recently found your blog and really liked your advice so I figured I’d ask you for some! I have a crush on one of my martial arts instructors and am dying over it. We share a lot of interests and get along really well. He seems to treat me a little differently and I don’t know if it’s because we’re friends or what. We’ve known each other for 5 months now and see each other 5/6 days a week. I’m extremely hesitant to even hint at asking him out because I don’t want to fuck up what we’re currently vibing with.

The few times we’ve been out in a group he gave me a hug (he doesn’t like touching people/people touching him and he initiated the hugs each time). The time we went out to a bar with some others from our studio, I had alcohol for the first time ever, and he babysat me.  He made sure I drank lots of water, let me rest my head on his shoulder, and walked me out to my uber.

I know he’s currently single. He told me he bragged to his brother and his soon-to-be sister-in-law when he took some of the treats I made home for them to try and boasted about being able to have my treats weekly.  I know he swings my way, I’m AFAB non-binary, and after I casually mentioned I was nb he asked for my pronouns so as not to make me uncomfortable.

I’m just so torn between saying nothing and enjoying what we’ve got going.  Or asking him out and possibly fucking things up. I like him and our studio and everyone there. It would suck if I said or did anything to make him uncomfortable or make things between us awkward.

Should I just say ‘screw it’ and ask him out? Or bite my tongue?

Thank you! <3

-Martial Arts Admirer

Dating

I Slept with My Personal Trainer and It Wasn’t Good… Now What?

Dear T,

I check out your blog from time to time and really like what you have to say.  I especially like what you had to say about messing around with your personal trainer. That was pretty good advice.  Unfortunately, I didn’t take it.  A little less than a week ago, I went out with my trainer to grab drinks at Fridays.  One thing led to another, and we wound back to my place.  I thought the sex would be amazing. Unfortunately, all the muscles and that sexy ass smile couldn’t make up for the fact that he wasn’t that good in bed.  His equipment was decent but he didn’t have any rhythm.  Needless to say, I was disappointed.  Since that night, I have actually cancelled my sessions with him because I don’t know what to say. I just want us to go back to our training relationship and pretend like nothing happened.  That’s hard to do when he’s seen me naked and keeps texting me flirty messages. Long story short, how do I go back to normal?  Any advice here is welcomed.

From,

Mistakenly Foolish

Dating

I Met Him at the Gym, Kissed Him, and Now Things Are Awkward!

Tavion,

I made a damn fool of myself with this guy I see at the gym all of the time. I joined this Gold’s Gym by me about 2 months, and about three weeks ago I noticed this man, and I mean a man.  He’s this fine thick muscle dude, with this crazy amazing smile. Anyway, I may have noticed him, but he was definitely noticing me too.  I would catch him checking me out or whatever. Recently, we even started talking. Mostly about sports and 45.

Long story short, a few days ago after I finished a workout, I went to the Sauna. Oddly enough, about five minutes later I look up and see the guy walk in and he sits down within arm’s reach.  Keep in mind there is no one in the sauna but us two.  We’re talking and laughing (sweating too because it was hot as shit in that sauna), and before you know it, I lean in for a kiss. Now I wasn’t looking at a watch or clock or anything, but I swear the kiss lasted for at least three seconds.  Even felt like he kissed me back.  But after those three seconds were up, he flips and tells me didn’t ask for that, and asks me why the hell I would do that.  After he left pissed, I left pissed and embarrassed, and haven’t gone back to the gym since.  Anyway, please tell me how to fix this situation.  Like how do I make things less awkward, or at least good enough to the point I can show my face in gym?

-Team Too Embarrassed

relationships

Social Media Posts and Relationships

Hey T,

Not sure if you’ve answered this question before and I missed it, but I’m going to ask. I’m not necessarily in a relationship, but dating and hoping to get in one soon.  Not that I mind being technically single, I just want my bae.  Anyway, me and my God brother, who does have a man, were talking about how upset he gets about his boyfriend being on Instagram and Snapchat.  Not that he’s on the apps, but that he’s always posting body pics.  He started working out heavy about 5 months ago, and I’ll admit he definitely bulked up something fine.  So now I guess he likes showing off his progress.  He’s posted his arms, back, chest, and even legs.  Although, he had to stop with the leg pics because my God brother went off about him posting pics in his underwear.  I tried to tell him that posting pics aren’t that big deal, but he’s convinced that folks will DM his man and that will lead to cheating.

Meanwhile, my God brother vents often vents on Instagram whenever he and his boo have an argument.  I told him to stop that, but he is stubborn and doesn’t listen. Bringing this around to why I wrote you.  How do you think social media should play a role in relationships? Looking forward to hearing from you.

From,

Jimmy Jones 93

Dating

I Like My Personal Trainer, What Should I Do?

Hi T,

I am a female who likes another female. The only issue is that: the girl I like is my trainer and instructor of majority of the classes I take (if it was normal circumstances I would just tell her). My trainer and I are really close in the gym (including calling each other our favorites) and tend to goof off a lot. We even used to talk on snapchat A LOT outside the gym and not gym related topics. As well as following each other on intstagram. The two of us even had plans to go grab some dinner after a session. But then out of the blue she unfollows me on both forms of social media claiming that she “can’t follow clients.” (our plans were effectively canceled). That was in early December. However she acts toward me as if nothing happened. We still goof off, we still call each other favorites, etc. If anything it seems as if her behavior has gotten even more flirty: 😉 emojis in texts, letting me go into Zumba class a half hour late (when the cutoff is 10 mins), putting weights on levels she KNOWS I can’t lift and then proceeds to do most of the work just telling me to make the motion (i.e. bicep curl on the machine), randomly touching me (that’s not within a training touch), always bringing up inside jokes or making me laugh (in sessions or in classes) hell she’s always smiling and laughing around me, plays the song Closer by the Chainsmokers in Zumba cause I ask her to (and she knows I love that song), and most recently asking me to get a little bit of dust off her shoulder for her (where she could easily reach it herself). She’s even currently binge watching a show because I recommended it to her. Now if you’re thinking my trainer is girly she definitely is not. To be honest I’m like 80% sure she is into women based on the fact that she wears men’s clothing (Jordans and Tims, and men’s watches/chain necklaces included), and that she LOVES tricking out her car, but then again those are stereotypes. Now as for me I’m very girly (I identify as sexually fluid). The two of us kind of bonded over a mutual love of dance, similar music tastes, horror movies, and that we have similar personalities.

Okay now I’m rambling, it’s just I wanted you to have an ample amount of information so you can answer me. So what I’m asking is: 1.) Why would she randomly unfollow me on instagram and snapchat (she says it was nothing I did)? 2.) Is she into me? 3.) How can I know for sure without actually asking her? and 4.) How do I tell her I like her without sessions and classes being awkward?

I hope you get to this soon and thank you in advance!

Confused Gym Addict

Dating, Pop Culture

Don’t Waste Time Being Jealous, Focus on Being a Better You

In this day and age when people broadcast their life on a daily basis across Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat, I find more folks living their lives through a green lens. I mean people are in a constant state of envy because the stories and pictures they come across showing ripped bodies, great jobs, picturesque relationships, and overall “fabulous” lives.  And before you convince yourself that you’ve never been the envious type, think about those times you came across a profile and said, “Oh he got a few muscles now and thinks he’s the sexiest thing out here.”  Or maybe you’ve been one to ask “How is he in a relationship, and I’m not?”  Or perhaps you’ve thought on occasion, “How is it that I’m working my ass off, barely making it and stressed, and he’s over there happy and balling out of control?” It’s easy for anyone to be a little green from time to time.  However, no one should go through life always jealous of others.

Pop Culture

Some Do’s and Don’ts for Thanksgiving

I can’t believe Thanksgiving is next week.  I feel like the fall just started.   That I just started seeing the leaves change colors.  That I just started wearing a coat.  That I just started drinking my pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks. And yet, regardless of me thinking it’s too soon for Thanksgiving to be approaching, the fact of the matter is it is.  And with that said, I’ve compiled a short list of do’s and don’ts for my second favorite holiday.