relationships

My Boyfriend Lent His Ex Money and I’m Angry about It

Tavion,

My boyfriend really made me pissed off. We’ve been living together for about 1 ½ years and we split the bills down the middle. 2 nights ago he asked me if I wouldn’t mind covering a few of the bills myself because he may come up a little short. I didn’t make a thing of it until he told me the reason he may come up short. He apparently lent his ex-boyfriend $350 so the ex could fix his car because it was apparently an emergency. Can you believe that?

I’ve tried to be as mature as possible about the fact my boyfriend and his ex are friends that still communicate heavy. I didn’t even trip, well too hard, when I threw my boyfriend a little birthday party back in February and the ex was on his list of guests. But now their friendship is affecting our finances, and I’m just over it. I want to cuss my boyfriend out, but I don’t want to sound like the insecure boyfriend. Is there a way to get my point across without causing a big blow up in my relationship?

I’m coming to you because I really like the advice you give.

Thanks in advance

-Mr. P

Dating

We’re Not Official but He’s Mad I’m Dating Other People

Tavion,

I’ve been talking to this dude I’ll call JL for about four months, and things were cool. He said he wanted to take things slow, and I didn’t mind. Since he said he wanted to take things slow, I started talking to another guy. Well recently I was hanging with JL and he noticed I got a few text messages from the other guy. I think he thought it was a friend at first, but then when he got up, I was replying to a message and JL snuck up behind me and read a message or two. Then JL kind of bugged out that I was talking to another guy.

I tried to tell him he’s the one that said he wanted to take things slow, and he flipped it around on me because I’m talking to someone else. My thing is this, unless we are in a relationship, I’ve done nothing wrong. I really like JL, but if he wanted to be slow about getting into a relationship, why shouldn’t I explore my options in the meantime? JL and I haven’t stopped talking, but he’s definitely feeling a way still. What do you suggest in my case?

-Single But Not Cuffed

Dating

Great Sex and Great Food. Is that Enough for a Relationship?

Hey T,

I’m trying to see if I should make it work with this guy or not. Keeping it one hundred, the only thing we really have is great sex and great food. He’s made me cry a few times while in bed because it was that good, and that has NEVER happened in my whole life. Oh and because he is a chef but not working like he used to, he sometimes cooks for me when I go over to his crib, and it’s good. I sometimes want to cry because of the food too. As a 31 year old, I know I can’t build a relationship off of good sex and food, but I’ve been in a relationship with a man that was okay in bed and didn’t even boil me water, but we had a lot in common to talk about. That relationship didn’t make it. So why not try to build a relationship with the chef? I think I know what you’ll say, but thought I’d ask anyway.

-My Chef Be Cooking

Dating, Tavion Talks

Understanding Polyamorous Relationships… My Interview with an Expert

That’s right folks, we’re talking polyamorous relationships. Now I’ll be the first person to admit I wasn’t sold on the idea. My inner Scorpio alone wasn’t having it, and saw the concept as a setup to set off jealousy and that infamous Scorpio stinger. I could understand why some people negatively commented on the few polyamorous related posts I’ve written, saying they couldn’t do it.

And then one day after a chance encounter on Instagram with relationship coach and polyamorous expert, Lindsay H, I began to think I had such a strong opinion on a topic I didn’t actually know a hell of a lot about. Thankfully, Lindsay agreed to speak with me one evening and give me a full picture of what polyamory is and isn’t. So let’s go ahead and dive into what I learned. Oh, and I’ll be sure to let you know if she changed my mind in the end.

Dating

When Is the Right Time to Share Your Undetectable Status?

Hello Tavion,

I hope that you are well. As always, I enjoy your site and the advice that you give so I am reaching out. Here is my dilemma. I am HIV Undetectable. When dating, I oftentimes wonder when to disclose to my dating partner. I don’t want to mention it too soon and scare him off. I also don’t want to wait too late, especially if it’s a “deal-breaker” for him. Do you have any advice on the right time to disclose HIV status so no one is wasting their time but giving a fair chance for things to develop?

-Soon to Be Late

relationships

My Boyfriend Said He Didn’t Cheat, But Wants an Open Relationship

T,

This is going to sound weird because it is weird. My boyfriend recently came to me and told me he had a confession. I thought he was going to tell me he cheated, but instead, he said he hadn’t cheated but felt like he wanted to cheat. He apparently said he sometimes feels like hooking up with other men, but won’t because he doesn’t want to hurt me. He said he did the right thing by telling me. I’m not sure how he’d think I respond, but I was pissed. He promised he didn’t do anything with anyone and didn’t hit anyone up. Even said I should be thankful he was honest with his feelings. He went onto say, he just wants us to do more to spice things and suggested some kind of open relationship where we get a pass to mess with a stranger every now and then. I just don’t know what to do with this info because I think an open relationship is the first step to us breaking up. Suggestions?

From,

Unchartered Territory

 

relationships

My Boyfriend Flirting on Social Media is Driving Me Nuts

T,

Before I vent, I need you to know I’m not an insecure person. I love myself and know I’m cute. But the problem I’m having is with my boyfriend of 8 months. After hopping off of social media for about 2 months, he recently got back on and it’s annoying me. I don’t care about him liking guys’ posts on Instagram, but all the commenting. It’s like heart eye emojis, or comments talking about looking good. And he doesn’t even know most of these people. He knows I follow some of these people so I’m not sure why he feels so comfortable commenting like this when I can see.  I feel like he’s almost cheating. When I talked about it, he said he was just complimenting guys and doing harmless flirting, but I’m the only one he wants and the flirting means nothing. That still didn’t make me feel that much better. What would you do here? Like am I bugging about nothing?

-Beyond Annoyed

relationships

The Guy in His DM Is Causing Our Relationship Problems

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. We spoke about moving in together this upcoming August. We never had a real argument until last June. He went to a guy’s party (he told me he was going to a party but didn’t tell me who it was). I found out the guy who had the party was a guy who went into my boyfriend’s DM and was flirting with him. I found out who the guy was by snooping. I confronted him and told him I didn’t feel comfortable with him going. Long story short, he still went even though he knew I was uncomfortable. Today 5/19 I found out they are still talking. The guy posted on my bf birthday picture saying he wish he could celebrate with him. Now I feel some type of way that they still talking. I also feed disrespected due to the fact one of our only argument was about this guy and it seems like it doesn’t matter to him.

-Jay

Dating

After Two Years I Want Him to Be My Man

T,

I have been seeing this guy for 2 years. We met on a dating app and at the beginning we were both looking for casual dating. He is 40 yrs old has never been married, has no kids, and travels for work. He said he wasn’t looking for anything serious because he travels for work he can’t give me that commitment of a real relationship. I am 35 yrs old and I have an 8 yr old daughter. Casual dating was perfect at first because of my schedule, I had my daughter in almost daily activities and figured we can occasionally hang out. Fast forward to now, my feelings are really strong for him. Like this is the man I want to marry and I want more than just hanging out. Part of me wants to continue what we have because our times together are amazing and I am hopeful that with time he will want more. My past relationships I have always rushed things and this is why I am just going with the flow of things, let life take its course. But at the same time I can’t help to think that this may never be more than what it is. I do like what we have but now I want more. Should I continue what we have until I’m fed up or just call it quits?

-Cheri

relationships

My Boyfriend Said He’ll Resent Me If I Don’t Get an Abortion

T,

I need advice more than I can express. I have been in a relationship with this guy for about a year and a half. For most of that time he was going through separation from his baby mama,  I am a mom of two children a 9 year old and a 3 year old and he has a two year old. We have been through a lot together including an abortion of a child neither of us could have at the time because he was still living with his baby mama as she still had not found a place to move. After she moved we became official. It’s been great until I found out I was pregnant again. I went on birth control but I still ended up pregnant. He doesn’t want it but I can’t and won’t have another abortion. Its too much emotional turmoil. He says he will resent me if I have it but will be there for me because it is his responsibility. A part of me thinks he is scared of all the unknowns, all the changes and responsibility that come with a child but another part of me now wonders if he truly even saw a future with me? I don’t know what to do. Should I follow my heart keep the baby and move in with him?

-Mila