friendship

My Friend Slept with My Coworker and Now I’m Paying the Price

Tavion,

I’m in a terrible position and it’s one of my best friend’s fault. About two months ago my coworker invited me out to brunch. Since he was going to be the only person that I knew, he said I could invite a plus one, so I hit up my friend. I guess that was my mistake.

At brunch my coworker and friend were vibing, and after some mimosas and strong drinks, they started flirting heavy. I tried to block because I know how my friend is, and I didn’t want him pumping and dumping my coworker. Who wants that drama at work? My friend swore it wasn’t like that, and that he liked my coworker so I got out the way. Here I am two months later, and my coworker is pissed at me because he feels my friend ain’t sh*t. I mean my friend slept with my coworker more than once, but my friend kept misleading this guy into believing they were about to be coupled up. Which was not the case.  I mean my friend pretty much ghosted him.

Long story short, I’m mad at my friend, my coworker is mad at me, and I shouldn’t even be in the middle of this. What should I do here to fix things?

Thanks,

Mr. Damn Pissed

Dating

You May Like Him but Office Romances Are Usually a Bad Idea

Hi,

I’ve been speaking and emailing with a guy from our IT department. He’s awesome and thoughtful. Does not have a social media presence, go to the gym, have a sense of humor, likes the count on Sesame Street, works very hard and is very helpful to everyone. If things were not so complicated in my life right now I would definitely see where this could lead.

I must confess that I have been flirting with him and selfishly gave the impression that I am interested. He has now asked to meet over a “beverage” but has thoughtfully said that he’s happy to make a site visit at my work so that I can see if he’s someone I would like to have a “beverage” with (we have never met each other). I like him but I don’t want to hurt him. I would be keen to know what you think of him from what little information I have provided and any advice on what I should do.

-Xx Conflicted

Dating, relationships

I Want to Marry My Boyfriend but My Family Doesn’t Like Him

So T,

I’m having a hard time trying to decide on what to do about my boyfriend, well hopeful fiancé. We’ve been together for about two and a half years now, and I’m ready to make him mine. I mean we already live together and have a dog, but I’m ready to take that next step. I’m pretty sure he’s ready too. The only problem is my family isn’t supportive of us getting married.

It’s not that my family doesn’t support gay marriage, they just don’t like my boyfriend. In fact they can’t stand him. My mom and sister especially think he doesn’t pay for anything, and will hurt me again. He cheated on me a year ago once, but after time and a little counseling, we got back together. I’ve forgiven him, but my family is still salty about it.

Anyway, I’m grown and can do what I want, but I want my family to be okay with this engagement and eventual marriage. I just don’t know how to make this work. Any ideas?

-RJ Sims 92

Dating

This Man Is Calling Me Names during Sex and I Hate It

Tavion,

This man I’m seeing is amazing. He looks good, smells good, is smart, funny, and fine. I mean fine. Since he has all this going on and I’m so damn attracted to him, I thought when we had sex it would be some of the best I ever had. Unfortunately, when we had sex a couple of nights ago I was turned off by his mouth. It was filthy, and not in the good way.

I’m not sure who he’s had sex with in the past, but I don’t like being called out my name. He literally called me foul names during sex. He called me things like “my filthy slut” and “daddy’s b$tch boy.” I promise I wanted to punch him when he said it, but I just let it slide because I do like him. I’m supposed to go on a date with him in a few days when he gets back from visiting his family, and if we have sex again, I can’t have him talking to me like that. One of my best friends told me just to suck it up and let him say what he’s going to say so I don’t make sex boring for this guy. My friend things if I don’t put up with the names, some other man will. But I don’t want to feel disrespected. What would you do?

-Say My Name

Dating

I Really Like Him but I’m Not Sure I’m Ready for a Relationship

I love your honest raw well written post. Thank you. I am seeing a widower. It is very new and completely uncharted waters for both parties. This month is a year anniversary of her passing. I have stepped back and provided more space than ever, as I would want. She had been very ill and he very care-giving for several years prior. I am giving him space, boundaries (which I highly believe in anyway and have often called out men in past regarding lack of), and baby steps. Frankly I am not ready to be hurt nor to jump into anything. My ex bf I left years ago but he passed suddenly and too young just this past January. So essentially, it seems right.

I am not allowing intimacy and he is not pushing it, he is very respectful, yet I totally feel the intense connection and possibilities but I do have fear. More than any relationship – I have ever been concerned about. Why? Because I adore this man. I feel him. His intensity, the future possibilities. I have went thru relationships in the past and I was not fully vested, I know it and it was not fair to the partner. I was never mean or rude but still I knew it my heart, deep down, they were not the one. This one seems legitimately wonderful on so many levels and none have to do with him losing his wife in the manner he did. I am torn, very torn. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks so much.

-Josie

relationships

How Do I Get Over My Husband Cheating on Me?

Hi T,

I just found your website when I’m looking for an answer on forgiveness for my husband. Me and my husband are in a long-distance relationship for more than a year. I’m working in Vietnam right now due to my job requirement. If the corona virus didn’t come, we would see each other in March already.

Since the pandemic exploded, Vietnam has locked down the international airport.  And that is how my marriage is falling apart. My husband recently has a new lesbian friend. At first, I learned that she had problems with her girlfriend, so my husband hung out with her and give her advice. I only knew about her through my husband words, never really seen her face. But this July,  I found her Facebook when I was surfing it…and what happened next ruined my soul completely.

I found her profile’s pics taken with my husband…with status says how much she loves him. Here, you might think that my husband lied about her sexuality, but the truth is she did have a girlfriend, I just can’t be sure if they are still together or not. That day, I felt like I was broken into pieces. I called my husband in the middle of the night, I asked him but he said she just did that to gain her girlfriend’s attention. Like an instinct, I kept asking him if they had sex. He kept saying why do I have to know things that would hurt me. But I said I would leave him if he didn’t tell me the truth and let me find out by myself. He then confessed that they did have sex.

My husband is the only man that I’ve ever loved in my life. I met him when I was 23, he is my first and last (I believed so). I have loved him more and more every single day. I dreamed of us soon having babies. When I knew about the affair. Everything seemed to collapse in front of me. To be honest, I was hurt so badly, the pain is stilling killing every piece of me every single day…but, my husband cried. He told me that at first they was drunk but then, he was just so lonely and they were just friends with benefits.

He said he loves me and he would kill himself if I left him and that I’m his everything. He said people make mistake and he can’t explain why he did what he did, but he never stops loving me. He didn’t want me to find out about the affair that way. He already ended that “fling” a while ago because he couldn’t take the guilty feelings every time he looked at me. That fling just last for 2 months with a few times sex. When I found out, he told that girl to take all the pictures down because that was not their deal and those pics should just be sent to her girlfriend only.

When I wrote this letter to you, I already told my husband that I forgave him. This is all because even when I’m in pain, I rather let myself suffer it alone than keep haunting him for what already done. I love my husband more than the pain that he caused, that’s why I chose to let things go. But what my husband didn’t know is that I still have nightmare every single night and I can’t stop myself from imagining the way he kissed her and the way they had sex. Can you tell me what do I have to do to get over the pain and to get rid of those imaginations? I don’t want my husband to keep punishing himself, I comfort him but I can’t stop myself from being haunted by what he did.

-Amelia

 

relationships

My Boyfriend Lent His Ex Money and I’m Angry about It

Tavion,

My boyfriend really made me pissed off. We’ve been living together for about 1 ½ years and we split the bills down the middle. 2 nights ago he asked me if I wouldn’t mind covering a few of the bills myself because he may come up a little short. I didn’t make a thing of it until he told me the reason he may come up short. He apparently lent his ex-boyfriend $350 so the ex could fix his car because it was apparently an emergency. Can you believe that?

I’ve tried to be as mature as possible about the fact my boyfriend and his ex are friends that still communicate heavy. I didn’t even trip, well too hard, when I threw my boyfriend a little birthday party back in February and the ex was on his list of guests. But now their friendship is affecting our finances, and I’m just over it. I want to cuss my boyfriend out, but I don’t want to sound like the insecure boyfriend. Is there a way to get my point across without causing a big blow up in my relationship?

I’m coming to you because I really like the advice you give.

Thanks in advance

-Mr. P

relationships

I Love My Boyfriend but He Keeps Telling “White Lies”

T,

I love my boyfriend so damn much, but he keeps telling me white lies. I’ll give you an example. One of our mutual friends recently posted a pic of his gym progress on Instagram and my boyfriend liked it. When I was talking to my boyfriend about how good our friend looks, he tells me he didn’t see the picture. I couldn’t figure out why he told that lie.

To give you another example, 2 months ago through random conversation he told me that the car he drives is all paid off. Then a week ago I saw a deal for like a cute vacation and he told me he didn’t have the money for one right now because he had to pay his car note. White lies like this are driving me nuts.

It’s weird because I feel like he’s truthful with the big things, but I have no idea why he tells these white lies. When I confront him on these lies, he always has an excuse, or tells me I misunderstood him. What would you do in my shoes? Keep in mind, everything else in our relationship is really good.

-Just Want the Truth

Dating

We’re Not Official but He’s Mad I’m Dating Other People

Tavion,

I’ve been talking to this dude I’ll call JL for about four months, and things were cool. He said he wanted to take things slow, and I didn’t mind. Since he said he wanted to take things slow, I started talking to another guy. Well recently I was hanging with JL and he noticed I got a few text messages from the other guy. I think he thought it was a friend at first, but then when he got up, I was replying to a message and JL snuck up behind me and read a message or two. Then JL kind of bugged out that I was talking to another guy.

I tried to tell him he’s the one that said he wanted to take things slow, and he flipped it around on me because I’m talking to someone else. My thing is this, unless we are in a relationship, I’ve done nothing wrong. I really like JL, but if he wanted to be slow about getting into a relationship, why shouldn’t I explore my options in the meantime? JL and I haven’t stopped talking, but he’s definitely feeling a way still. What do you suggest in my case?

-Single But Not Cuffed

Dating

He’s Younger. Just Having Fun or Dating to Build a Relationship?

T,

I’m having a slight issue with my friends about the guy I’m dating. Don’t judge me but I started talking to this guy about three months ago, so yes during the pandemic, but I’ve been careful. Anyway, this guy is amazing so far. His communication is great, he makes me laugh, cooks some good food, and the sex is on point. There’s just one thing. He’s younger than me, and sometimes it shows. I’m 36 and he’s 22, and our taste in music is different, we don’t necessarily watch all the same things, and I’ve lived more life and experienced more things. Also, I’m pretty sure if the clubs were open here he’d be in them, and I’ve outgrown that time of my life.

My friends think I’m just playing with this guy and having fun, and can’t believe I’m serious about him. But I really do like him and am interested in seeing where it goes with him, despite his somewhat immaturity at times. Sick of my friends’ judgment. Guess what I’m asking is do you think my friends are right? Is whatever we’re doing just a result of these pandemic circumstances?

-Have a Tenderoni