I really appreciate your site and the advice you give. The community needs your advice, and I need your advice right now. My issue has to deal with chasing. I’m single and honestly I’m tired of chasing guys. It’s the same thing too. I meet a guy on a dating app or social media, show him some interest, he appears to return the interest, and then I spend like a month chasing him for me not to end up in a relationship. The shit is getting old.
Do you know how frustrating it is to think you’re talking to a guy trying to build something only for nothing to happen? I mean some of the guys I chase, I don’t even get to the point where we go on a dates. And while being single has its advantages, I’m trying to get boo’d the hell up. I know you have to pursue what you want in life, but I want to be pursued. I want people to call me, or hit me with a good morning and good night text. What advice do you have for me so I can date different in 2019?
Tryna Glow Up
Attention my fellow millennials. I clearly wrote this post with you all in mind. As a millennial myself, I feel completely qualified in criticizing the mistakes our generation makes when it comes to dating. Well, with first dates in particular. While I’m sure I could compile a list of more than five things, I think the following is sufficient. And like always, please remember my platform is meant to help not hurt. So let’s get started.
It’s come to my attention that like me once upon a time, many of you dating or in relationships make the unfortunate mistake of confusing your man for a mind reader. You think the person you’re investing your heart, head, and loins in should be able to always know what you’re feeling without you saying a word. Despite your street smarts and degrees, you falsely believe that your boyfriend or “guy of the moment” should have the uncanny ability to know when you’re hurt and disappointed. To know all of the triggers that set you off and turn you into a ferocious lion (no Lannister). To know everything you need when you need it. You expect a human being to know all of this without you having to move your lips.
Great site. I recently was made aware of it by one of my girlfriends. I know you said come from an LGBT perspective, but hoping you can still help a hetero girl like me. After all, dating is dating right? Anyway, the problem I’m having is with this guy I thought I was getting to know to one day get in relationship with. We met at a friend of a friend’s housewarming party about a month ago. We connected at the party, he asked for my number, and we’ve been texting ever since then. Now we never talk on the phone, but I don’t mind because I hate talking on the phone for real for real. But we did go out to dinner twice. However, the last week or so I’ve noticed he’s been really distant. I don’t get the “good morning” text anymore, and I really only spoke with him through text like 3 times last week. Each time, I initiated the conversation. I asked him if I did something to offend him, but he tried to joke it off like I’m being silly. Said he’s been meaning to reach out. My sister told me to cut this guy loose and move on, but I genuinely thought we bonded, and he seems like a nice guy. What do you think I should do?
Thanks in advance,
-Won’t Be Played 91
Yes you read the title correctly. Today’s topic of discussion is about a relatively common occurrence in this day and age of dating. While you may not be familiar with the specific term “text-fishing”, if you’ve been single and looking anytime in the last 10 years or so, you more than likely have been a victim of this scam. I for one have.
Read through a couple of the articles on here, and loved them. You give pretty good advice. Hoping you’ll be able to give me some. I was seeing this guy I met on Jack’d, and after about a month and a half of dating, he got weird all of a sudden. He stopped texting and calling, and didn’t respond when I reached out to him. So a few days ago, I see him out at this bar with his friends. When he headed to the bathroom alone, I went and confronted him. Point blank, I asked him what the deal was. He told me I was “too feminine.” Rather than cuss him out, I walked away. But now that I’ve thought about it some more, I’m really offended and want to tell his ass off. What should I do? What would you have done?
-Apparently too Girly
As always, I really enjoy reading the advice that you give others. This is a long one, so I am going to dive right in….
My boyfriend and I have been in a serious committed relationship exactly 6 months today. I will admit that the relationship took wings and has been soaring pretty high with a few bumps here and there. We have taken a cruise, flown across the country together, and done many things that relationships well over 6 months have yet to see.
I can’t help but to feel that his best friend of 20 years has some strong influence on his life that I feel is negatively affecting our relationship. I’m not placing blame on the best friend, because my boyfriend is the enabler. I have a best friend and several close friends, but when it comes to him, I don’t allow the friendships to supersede my relationship (from a priority standpoint) and my friends all respect that when I’m with him they keep it short and sweet when they call or text.
Since the beginning, there was a red flag that I chose to address, but still ignored. I have dropped him off at the bus station for him to help this best friend move and when he arrived, he didn’t even think enough about me to let me know he’d made it safely. He’d been there, had breakfast and was chilling. I ended up having to ask was he okay, after noticing that he’d logged onto Facebook. The biggest issue I am having is I am constantly being made to feel as if I’m not a priority when it comes to his best friend.
What’s been bugging me the most is that when I call him (if he’s on the phone), will either forward me to voicemail or won’t click over. I know it may be small, but to me it’s big. My own mother can call me and if he were to call, I’m not about to end the call with her, but definitely make sure that he is okay. We have had this issue at least 4 times, one of which he lied to me and told me that he was away from his phone. Once I verified that I knew he was on the phone, he went defensive. It wouldn’t be so bad if we didn’t just sit down and have a heart to heart last week about how this makes me feel.
The energy between us and our bond has been weakened for about the last month and we both agreed that we wanted the relationship and would work to make it better. The last straw occurred yesterday. He had a tooth extracted yesterday morning and he called me afterwards and we spoke. About 3 hours later, I phoned him to check on him to see if he needed anything or was okay, and he forwarded my call to voicemail. When he called me back, of course he was on the phone with his bestie discussing their plans for the weekend. To me, a simple “hold on” would’ve sufficed. I am not implying that you get off the phone ever but don’t forward my calls to VM. It’s a form of ignoring me. If I tell you how much it annoys or frustrates me, why continue to do it?
Apparently you don’t respect the relationship or me enough to not be so hell bent on not adjusting the behavior to maintain the peace.
His rebuttal is always it’s not that big of a deal, you’re over-reacting, I always call you back within 15 to 20 minutes. How do you call me the love of your life, but when you see the love of your life calling you can easily ignore the call?
I’m a big fan of relationships and putting in the work to make it successful, however I don’t work alone. It takes two. I broke up with him yesterday because I’ve had enough of my feelings being downgraded to over-reactions, being made to feel 2nd, and saying the same thing over and over.
What are your thoughts here?
-Priority Number 1
I’m dating someone who I believe has communication issues. I really like this person (actually I am falling in love), but our communication is horrible in my opinion. We have similar interests, enjoy being around each other, spending all of our time together and texting all day, but for some reason when we converse, we never go deep. What should I do to correct this so it doesn’t cause problems in the future? S/N, I feel like because I’m recently divorced, and my ex-husband was big on communication, I’m expecting him to be because it’s what I’m use too? Am I wrong to want our communication to be as strong as our sexual, physical, mental, spiritual, and intellectual connection as well?
Brain Over Heart