Should I Date Outside My Comfort Zone?


Recently was told about your site, and really liked what I saw.  You have some pretty good stuff on it.  It’s definitely helpful.  So I’m hoping you can offer me some helpful advice.  Not that I’m bitter or anything, but I’m sick of the single men out here on the market.  It seems like they are either, too self-absorbed and arrogant, a big hoe, or play too many games.  I just want to meet a good guy and be able to settle down in a relationship.  My sister told me I should try dating outside my type.    I usually prefer tall black masculine men, with abs, big arms, a firm chest, and a college degree. Thinking about leaving what I like, kind of makes me cringe.  Is it too much to ask that I find my perfect man without having to abandon all my preferences.  If I want a Morris Chestnut, why the hell should I have to settle for Carrot Top?  Interested in hearing from you.


Where is My Damn Man

The Lifestyle

Top 5 Reasons Millennials Must Vote

Folks we’ve got less than two weeks until Election Day, and I’ve got one word for you.  VOTE! I know PSAs and the media describe every election as extremely important, but this one truly is.  There is a lot at stake with this election cycle, and if you don’t exercise your right and duty as an American citizen, you’ll be doing this country, and more importantly yourself, a real disservice.  Don’t believe me, well let’s look at some of the things at stake here.


  1. Post Obama Race Relations

It should be no secret to anyone that since the election of President Obama, race relations in this country have taken some unfortunate steps back.  The fact people must chant “Black lives matter” in 2016 is just sad.  I for one don’t want to let my vote go uncast knowing politicians hold a lot of power in making sure this country is truly dedicated to seeing that there is real “justice and liberty for all.”  Marching in the streets and posting named hashtags is symbolic and sentimental; but, if you want to make a real difference, you’ll show up to the polls.


  1. Potential for War Deployment of Troops

With the looming threat of Russia, the ongoing conflict in Iraq and Syria, and the infamous ISIS still present, matters of national security will be increasingly more important during the next presidential term. You’ll want to vote for someone you believe can keep the country safe and out of wars.  Someone that is of sound mind and temperament to engage with other international powers.  I for one don’t want someone that will be like a “bull in a china shop.” (Old country saying for you. LOL)


  1. Higher Education Costs

If you are reading this and you’ve never heard of Sallie Mae or Navient, consider yourself blessed. There are those like myself that are very familiar with the two.  College is expensive and is not getting cheaper.  There are many in this country that hail education as being the great equalizer, and the major key needed to get ahead and reach the American dream.  However, for millions of millennials it’s becoming harder to reach that dream because they are drowning in student loan debt trying to pay for a degree (or two) they were told they had to have in order to even pursue the dream in the first place.  Where is the fairness in that?  It’s important you go out and vote to stop the increasing price of degrees, and to help alleviate some of the financial burden on countless college graduates.


  1. The Supreme Court

The right for members of the LGBT community to get married just became nationally legal and recognized a little over a year ago. I want you think about that when you say you won’t vote, because that is what’s at stake.  The highest bench in the land has an opening, and possibly a few more openings in the next four years to come.  Do you want to risk having the wrong person elected as president, or people elected to the senate, that could possibly shape a court that overturns the rights of millions of gay couples?

Besides gay marriage, the future makeup of the Supreme Court will also be deciding on some cases involving voting rights, women’s rights, and affirmative action.  These are things that impact your everyday life.  And if not directly, these issues impact someone you know. Trust me.


  1. Empowerment of the Average Man

I may not agree with most of the things Trump says, but he and Bernie were right about the corruption in DC.  Too many companies and special interest groups have their hands in politics.  These groups use money to persuade politicians into making horrendous policy decisions that often disenfranchise the average man.  Take for example the criminal justice system and the private prison industry.  When politicians voted to impose mandatory sentencing, they often did so knowing they would be directly benefiting the private prison industry, but disguised their decision as voting to protect public safety. (Check out 13th on Netflix.)

Heck, you can look at the gun lobbying groups such as the NRA.  The NRA has pretty much immobilized many politicians from voting on simple common sense gun reform policies. Politicians claim they don’t want to pass anything that limits the Second Amendment, but you would think they would pass something that makes it more difficult for the wrong people to get weapons.  But again, many politicians are more loyal to the money getting them elected than the average people they swore to serve.  And you can apply a similar argument to failed banking reform and failed checks on Wall Street.  (It’s understandable why so many people felt the Bern.)


So in short, VOTE!  If you can vote early, go.  If you are sending an absentee ballot, send it.  And if you are voting on Election Day, get to the polls before they close.  We’ve got to take this seriously people. Remember, if you don’t vote, then don’t complain.


Tavion Scott the Author

Majoring in Me (Acceptance) is Officially Available

Hey Folks,

It’s here! It’s finally here! Majoring in Me (Acceptance) is now available for purchase. Wow that sounds so crazy for me to say.  What started out as some writing in a notebook about two years ago, is finally a published body of work.  To say I’m excited is an understatement.  But with my excitement comes a healthy dose of anxiety.  I’m not afraid to admit that to you all either.

The Lifestyle

Should I Tell Her the Man She’s with Is Gay?

Hey T,

I’ve got a question for you.  Would you allow your cousin to marry a guy you know for a fact is gay?  My cousin, who is a female and I’m very close with, just got engaged to this man I know used to mess with one of my of old college roommates, who is a guy.  Although these two men were never in a relationship, and this was almost ten years ago, I feel like I should mention to my cousin that her future husband has slept with at least one man.  Thoughts?


Stuck with No Answer

Personal Revelations

Intimate Convos with Tavion: Dating Women

Before I was certain without a doubt that I was of the homosexual variety, I did happen to go on two dates with the opposite sex that I can remember.  And both of those dates occurred when I was in undergrad.  For those that are familiar with my other Intimate Convos posts, then you know I was pretty much a late bloomer when it comes to my personal life.  First date, first kiss, first time in the hay, all happened when I was 21.  So yeah, a late bloomer.  But anyway, I decided to share my limited experience dating women.

Personal Revelations, The Lifestyle

Intimate Convos with Tavion: Coming Out Part I

I haven’t really talked a lot about my experiences coming out, so I thought I’d start sharing.  When I finally came to accept myself for who I truly am after years of denial, depression, and self-hate, I decided that I would slowly start to tell some of those closest to me of my truth.  I figured if I’m going to live my adult life the way I want to, I can’t do that by being unauthentic to those I call besties and family.  One of the first ones up on my coming out tour was my college bff.

The Lifestyle

Offensive Family Members

Dear T,

You can call me fed up, because that’s exactly what I am.  Although I’ve never really been in the closet, I just confirmed my family’s suspicions about a year and half ago.  Well since then, I have a great uncle that is the biggest asshole when I’m around him.  When I go to family functions, he is always there and is always making insulting jokes about me because I’m gay.  For example, the men love watching sports when we get together. Well when I sit down to watch football or basketball with them, my great uncle may say something like “you sure you won’t be more comfortable in the kitchen with the women,” or “these ain’t the soap operas nephew.”  I would feel embarrassed in these situations, but my other family seem horrified by his comments.  The thing is, no one checks him.  And I want to cuss him out so bad, but my mom told me to bite tongue and be the bigger person.  She says he’s old and he doesn’t know any better.  She also reminds me that he helps pay a lot of my tuition.  What do you think I should do?


Fed Up


Moving in with My College Bae

Dear T,

First off, let me say how much I enjoy reading your posts.  I haven’t read all of them, but the ones that I did read, I loved.  With that said, I hoping you will be able to help me like you’ve helped other people.  See I’m a junior in college right now, and I have a boyfriend here that is a sophomore.  We both live on campus.  Well in a few months, our school will open up housing selections for next year, and I’m thinking of asking him if he wants to live together.  I would like to be able to go to his dorm room or him to come to my apartment, and not have to worry about whose roommate is home.  Plus, it would be nice to get some regularly available loving if you know what I mean.  I’m just hesitant my boyfriend won’t say yes if I ask him, or that moving in together will cause some friction in our relationship.  But what do you think.


J. Rock17

Dating, relationships, The Lifestyle

An Ex is Threatening Me

Dear T,

I’m in a bad situation and need some help.  This guy I fooled around with for about a month, is now threatening to out me.  I mean I admit I didn’t end things that well with him, but I didn’t do anything to him to make him try to ruin my life.  If the people at my college find out I like men, I won’t be able to hear the end of it.  My friends won’t treat me the same, and may not even want to be my friends.  How do I stop this guy?


Concerned College Boy

Dear Concerned College Boy,

Thank you for writing to me.  I’m sorry to hear that you feel you are being backed into a corner. It sucks to feel you are being stripped of your right to privacy.  Unfortunately, when you are discrete or still in the closet, you gamble with your right to privacy to a degree every time you open up your legs to another man.  In fact, gay, straight, lesbian, or bi, people always risk the exposure of their nighttime escapades when they involve another human being.  While we would hope our bedroom partner would adhere to unspoken rules of confidence, that’s not always the case.

From what you’ve told me, it sounds like you have stumbled across what I would call a “messy individual.”  (I actually would use another term, but I don’t want to offend.)  As has always been my belief, I never think it’s okay for someone to out another.  Unless, there is an issue of life or death, or in some cases marriage is involved.  My list of exceptions is a topic for another day.

The way I see it, you have two options to choose from here.  First, you could offer this guy a heartfelt apology.  Own up to wronging him, and wish him well in his future endeavors.  By no means, should this apology express a desire to reignite what you two had going, or a hope for a friendship.  You don’t want this type of person in your inner circle.  Trust me!

Option two would be to use his threat as the push you need to embrace who you are and see if those closest to you will do the same.  If your friends find out you are gay, there is the possibility they won’t care you are gay and embrace you just the same.  However, if your friends do decide to turn their back on you because of your sexuality, then maybe they aren’t friends worth having.

On one final note, please keep in mind that this guy could be bluffing.  He may never tell your friends about your sexuality.  There could be a possibility, that he just likes being able to hold something over your head for now.  And perhaps you could ride out the storm.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Be careful of the company you keep. The head on your shoulders is usually the smarter of the two. LOL!


  1. It may be easier said than done, but don’t ever let anyone turn your sexuality into a weapon with which to harm you.


  1. If you apologize to this guy, and he still is compelled to out you, then beat him to the punch. Friends would rather you tell them, then some messy stranger.

As always nothing but love,