I need advice more than I can express. I have been in a relationship with this guy for about a year and a half. For most of that time he was going through separation from his baby mama, I am a mom of two children a 9 year old and a 3 year old and he has a two year old. We have been through a lot together including an abortion of a child neither of us could have at the time because he was still living with his baby mama as she still had not found a place to move. After she moved we became official. It’s been great until I found out I was pregnant again. I went on birth control but I still ended up pregnant. He doesn’t want it but I can’t and won’t have another abortion. Its too much emotional turmoil. He says he will resent me if I have it but will be there for me because it is his responsibility. A part of me thinks he is scared of all the unknowns, all the changes and responsibility that come with a child but another part of me now wonders if he truly even saw a future with me? I don’t know what to do. Should I follow my heart keep the baby and move in with him?
How should I feel that my boyfriend of a year and some change hasn’t introduced me to his kids? To give you some back story, when we first started dating he didn’t tell me right away that he had two kids. About a month into seeing him, he finally told me over dinner that he’s a father. He claimed not to tell me right away because he wanted to see if what we shared was real and headed somewhere. Ironically though, I feel like if we are in a real relationship that he should introduced me to his children. They’re a part of him. They don’t live with him full-time, but he does see them every other weekend and that’s when he keeps me at a distance. I guess I might understand me not meeting them if they were young, but his kids are 11 and 13, which I think is old enough to meet me. So I really do feel some type of way. Am I wrong here to feel a bit annoyed?
-Lite Brite 93
Before I dive deep into this post, let me first say that this is not a post meant to bash anyone or their parenting abilities necessarily. I’m proud to have created a platform that doesn’t make a habit of judging other people or hurling out insults. However with that said, there are some things I tend to have a very strong opinion about, and relationships between estranged parents and their children is one of them. I probably have such strong opinions because I don’t really have much a relationship with my own father, but that’s a story for a different post. Anyway, let’s go ahead and get started.
Let me warn you, this is going to be a complicated question. Well it’s complicated to me at least. I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 4 years. If you were to ask me 2 weeks ago, I would have said we were for sure going to get married. We bought a house together and everything. However 2 weeks ago while he was on a guys trip with his best friends, I checked the mail and saw a letter addressed to him marked urgent. Or maybe it said important notice. It said something. Anyway, I was naturally concerned, so I opened the letter to see if there was something I could take care of for him while he was enjoying his vacation. Reading the letter, I was stunned to learn it was a notice for a missed child support payment. I read that notice from top to bottom to make sure it was actually for my boyfriend and it was. I wanted to call him right then and there to ask him what was up, because he never told me he had a child. But my best friend told me to wait until he got home and confront him, so I did.
As soon as he walked through the door, I started asking questions trying to get answers. I thought maybe he had cheated on me with a woman or something in the time we’ve been together. I’m not sure if I should be thankful for it or not, but he told me his kid is 9 years old. He promised me he never cheated on me. So when I asked why he never told me he had a child and why I’ve never seen her, he told me he doesn’t see her that often because he doesn’t have a good relationship with her mother.
I’m just so hurt by all this. I don’t know what to do here? I love him so much and have envisioned a future with this man, but now I don’t know if I can trust him. Then there’s the fact his relationship with his daughter is not the best. He swears he talks to her at least once a week and has never missed a child support payment before now, but the fact he doesn’t see her bothers me. We’ve lived together for over a year, and that child has yet to be in our house. Apparently, she only lives about 5 hours away.
Long story short, what should I do? What would you do if you were in my shoes?
Dazed and Confused
Today I’ve decided to delay my original post for today to talk about no other than Kim Kardashian-West. As you guys know, I don’t talk about a ton of pop culture on here, and I’ve never talked about Kim. However, I felt compelled to say something in light of the unfortunate circumstances she has recently faced, and those that feel her misfortunes are somehow a laughing matter.
As I’m sure you all have heard by now, the reality star was robbed at gunpoint while in a “secluded” apartment building in Paris. According to her details of the incident, she was bound and manhandled, while in fear that she would be raped or even murdered. Before the robbers had the opportunity to gag her to prevent her from talking, she allegedly begged for her life offering the robbers anything they wanted. She begged for life for the sake of her children. Not for her, but for her two kids. In that moment, she was reduced from a high profile celebrity, to a wife and mother of two. It’s this part that get’s to me the most.
I’m going to try and keep this brief. I’ve been friends with this girl for a little over a year. Recently, I have been going over to her house to hang out from time to time, and noticed how she treats her children. She has two boys and treats them both completely different. The youngest, she babies a lot and caters to his needs. With her young teenage son, she is a bit harder on him. I’m all for tough love, but she treats him like some neighbor’s son instead of her own. Better yet, it’s like the teenager is Cinderella, and the youngest is one of the sisters. Except in this situation, the youngest is not mean at all, and the oldest is biologically my friend’s child. He rarely cracks a smile when I’m over there. When I tried talking to him one on one, he was reluctant to share his feelings with me. Everything in me is telling me to mind my business, and let my friend parent how she wants to parent. However, she recently shared with me that the youngest boy asked her why the oldest boy hates him. It seemed to break her heart, and I want to tell her that it’s her fault. What should I do here? Sorry if it’s not that brief.
I’m having a little issue in my relationship. My boyfriend and I were doing just fine until I met the mother of his child a few weeks ago. She is a major b*tch. There is no other way to put it. When my boyfriend’s daughter had her 6th birthday party, I went because the little girl invited me. She is my little buddy and my boyfriend encouraged me to go, so I went. When I got to the party, the baby mama threw me some major shade. The only time she addressed me was when she was insulting me calling me things like “little boy.” I spoke to my boyfriend about it after the party, and he told me to just let it go. That it wasn’t worth it. Which had me feeling some type of way, which caused an argument between him and I. We’ve since agreed to move past all of this, but in the back of my mind, I’m wondering what happens when this occurs again with this woman? Hopefully your advice will help me.
-Baby Mama Drama
I want to first off state how weird it is for me to write you this letter. As a man in his late 20s, I didn’t think I would still have to be dealing with “daddy issues.” But unfortunately, here I am. I figured if I wrote you this letter to get it all out, it would somehow be therapeutic for me. That I would get all my feelings out, and tell you all the things I’ve wanted to say, but never had the courage to say it. Oh and look, I don’t even expect a response from you. So no need for you to bother. Welp, here goes nothing.
It’s been a few months since I’ve come out to my mom, and things between us are still awkward. Before I told her I like men, she and I used to be best friends. We talked about almost any and everything (with the exception of my sexuality of course). But now, it’s a miracle if we can hold a meaningful conversation without arguing about me being gay. She thinks I’m in some faze, and is determined to see me out of it. I keep telling her I am who I am and that’s not changing, but she doesn’t seem to get it. I know my friends said I should just give her some time to adjust, but how long do I have to wait before I get my friend back? And do you have any tips on how to get my mom to be okay with all of this?
Mama’s Boy 92
How do you feel about dating a guy with two kids? I’ve met this great guy and we’ve been really vibing over the past 2 weeks or so. However, we haven’t been on a date yet because his schedule has been super busy lately. He said his one kid has been sick, and the other one has been having issues at school. And there in lies the problem I guess. I’m nervous that if I start dating this guy and we try to build something, it wouldn’t work because he won’t have time for me. Am I making this a bigger deal than it has to be? Should I just go out with him?
No Baby Daddy