relationships

My Man is Being a Rock for His Ex, and I Can’t Stand It

Hey Tavion,

I’m having relationship problems, or at least I am. Can’t say my boyfriend sees there is anything wrong. I want you to know I’m a really nice and sympathetic person. I’m not some kind of heartless monster. However, I’m getting sick and tired of my boyfriend of two months catering to his ex.

See my boyfriend’s ex apparently is going through a lot right now. According to the ex, his dad almost died because of diabetes he didn’t know he had. The ex’s dad had been touch and go for a few weeks not sure he would make it, but he turned a corner and is slowly starting to recover. Plus, the ex claims that his sister is in an abusive relationship with the father of her kids. In the midst of all the issues going on in the ex’s life, he has been blowing up my boyfriend needing to talk and someone to lean on.

While I understand my boyfriend and his ex were together for over five years, they’ve been broken up for about a year.  I don’t get why his ex is constantly coming to him when things come up. I feel like the ex is still leaning on my boyfriend like he’s still his man, and that bothers me. I want to say something to my bf, but I don’t want to sound like some selfish nasty person. But the longer I remain quiet, the more I find myself being shady to my boyfriend, causing him to keep asking what’s wrong. I haven’t told him, because I don’t want to sound insensitive and come off uncompassionate. So what do I do? Say something to my boyfriend? Or swallow my feelings and pretend nothing is wrong with me, and have my boyfriend feel my anger boil up? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Thanks,

-Real Deal Jones

relationships

I Asked My Boyfriend to Move In, But He Won’t Pay Any Bills

Hey T,

Addicted to your blog lol. But imma keep this short and to the point. So my current boyfriend and I have been together collectively 8 years. We recently decided to date again because we both feeling each other. I mean you know how the story goes. Well we had the talk about moving into my house so we took that step. Of course after being single and living alone took some adjustment.

I’m not one that thinks roles and labels play a significant part in a relationship. Because at end of day we both are men. I feel the responsibilities should be shared equally so all the pressure or stress isn’t on one person. I don’t believe because you’re a top and he’s a bottom you should be paying for everything.

So for the last four months, I have been footing all of the rent. All of utilities. Groceries. Car payment (that he drives cause he doesn’t have one).  Insurance. We haven’t been sexual at all, and I find myself getting annoyed all the time with the smallest shit that he does. He breathes hard and I want to smack him. Now we have had talked and he said he would help, but umm that hasn’t yet. How do I express myself without being the BITCH I’m known to be? How can I mend the brokenness that is my heart and relationship? Or do I just throw the entire relationship away and start over?

-A Broken Man

friendship

My Best Friend Has a Boyfriend, and Now He Has No Time for Me

Dear T,

This site you have is pretty amazing.  I’m mad I literally just found it. Good stuff.  Anyway, let’s see if you can help me out here.  I’m so sick and tired of one of my best friends lately.  He’s been seeing his boyfriend or whatever for about a month now, and I know it’s been that long because I’ve seen his boyfriend for that long.  Not that I’m dating his boyfriend or anything, but every time I hang out with my friend these days he has to bring his boyfriend around.  If I hit my friend to go out for drinks, he brings his boyfriend.  If I hit him to go to a house party, he brings his boyfriend. If I call him to go out to eat, he’s asking if he can bring his man.  It’s like damn, can I just hang with my friend by himself.  I want to talk to my friend about it, but I’m pretty sure he’s going to blow it up into a big thing, and I don’t want to get into it.  What do you think?

-Not Jealous But Annoyed

relationships

My Boyfriend Won’t Stop Showing the Goods on Instagram

Hi Tavion,
Nice site. I’m a fan of the advice you give. It’s good advice but not too harsh. Anyway, hoping you can help me to figure out what to do with my boyfriend. He makes me feel like I’m competing with all of Instagram. I get that he’s really proud of his body transformation, but why does he have to post his body so much? At first I didn’t mind, but now I’m starting to feel some type of way. Like he can’t save some stuff for my eyes only. Everyone one doesn’t need to see what he looks like in underwear and what his print looks like. We are in a committed relationship and if he’s committed to me, why does he need to advertise for someone else? I don’t care what he says about it being for the sake of leg day pics or whatever, it’s inviting thots to blow up his inbox. By the way, I’ve asked him to chill with those kind of posts, and he kind of brushed me off. Told me I have nothing to worry about. Anyway, what do I here short of backhanding him and reporting all his photos on Instagram?
Thanks,
No Prude But

Dating

I Just Left My Husband…How Do I Date In This New-Age Dating World?

T,

I have decided to exit a ten year marriage. I have come to realize that I compromised so much of myself to make him happy and in return my happiness was depleted.  I no longer have an emotional and mental connection to this man and I am moving forward.  However, I have also noticed that this “new-age” dating is not for me.  It appears that every relationship is about sex and having multiple partners. Though I do not disagree with having sex and dating around to be sure you are investing your time and energy into the right person before becoming exclusive, I have an issue with sex and multiple partners being the main focus and NOT developing an intimate relationship. I realized in this marriage I married a selfish individual who abuses alcohol and, unfortunately, does not love himself (what he told me). I am not interest in this new-age dating, but craving that intimacy.

-urgh it’s complicated.

The Lifestyle

My Boyfriend Wants To Take A Break… What Am I to Do?

Hey T,

I was wondering if you could give me some advice.  So me and my boyfriend have been together since June of this year and last night he told me that he wants a break and that it is not me and that he knows I want to talk but he’s not ready to right now.  I’m completely devastated and heartbroken I don’t even know what to do.  I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM.  A part of me wants revenge, a part of me wants to disappear forever I’m so hurt I don’t know what to do.  If there is anything you can suggest I’m all ears?

-Rashaud

relationships

My Boyfriend’s Friend Uninvited Me and I’m Uptight About It

Hey T,

It’s definitely been a while since I’ve visited your site.   I have always enjoyed the advice you’ve given others, along with your viewpoint.  So here’s the situation….  My boyfriend and I had planned to take a trip together (for an organization he is affiliated with).  The purpose of me going was just so that he’d have someone to ride with him and also to be supportive.  Initially we were supposed to stay with his friend (who’s married), but he learned that his friend’s spouse has apprehension of house guests that he doesn’t know (Understandable, right?).  Being that my boyfriend is currently in between jobs right now, it was more economical to crash at his friends place.  After telling the friend that he would like to come but really wants me to come along with him, the friend suggests that he just comes alone.   My boyfriend gave it some thought and said, sure I’ll still come.  I am feeling a certain type of way about it, because I feel that my plans have now been altered and it doesn’t show us “strong” or unified.  I want to bring it up to him but I don’t know how to approach it without being argumentative and want to avoid any conflict of him having to choose.  Any suggestions? What’s your take on this with provided info?

-Uninvited

Dating, relationships

Reality Check… Your Man is NOT a Mind Reader!

It’s come to my attention that like me once upon a time, many of you dating or in relationships make the unfortunate mistake of confusing your man for a mind reader.  You think the person you’re investing your heart, head, and loins in should be able to always know what you’re feeling without you saying a word.  Despite your street smarts and degrees, you falsely believe that your boyfriend or “guy of the moment” should have the uncanny ability to know when you’re hurt and disappointed.  To know all of the triggers that set you off and turn you into a ferocious lion (no Lannister).  To know everything you need when you need it.  You expect a human being to know all of this without you having to move your lips.

relationships

How Do I Get Over My Cheating Ex?

Dear T,

I have a question I think you can help me with.  Or at least I’m hoping you can.  I’ve seen some of the advice you give other people, so I’m going to give this a shot.  It’s been a little over a month since my boyfriend and I have broken up, and I can’t seem to get over him. It still feels like I’ve been kicked in the stomach. I still miss the bastard.  See, my ex is someone I thought could be my husband one day.  What we had was real.  That’s what I thought until I found out he cheated on me.  He told me he hooked up with some random when he went out of town with his friends.  While I gave him credit for telling the truth, I couldn’t stay with someone that would do that to me.  I would have never done that to him.  The thing that really sucks, is that I can’t seem to move on.  I tried going on Jack’d and going to gay bars or whatever, but every time I think there is potential with someone, the person turns out to be a dud.  And plus, I can’t stop thinking about my ex. I’m a fool for still wanting him right? Anyway, simply put, how do I get over an ex?

-Alex Lovelong

relationships

My Boyfriend Is Attracted to Men and Women, and I Hate It

 Hey you,

I came across your site and I thought I should just ask. So I’m gay and kind of never had the experience with a woman. No relationships, no sex, no whatever. If I compare myself to other gay guys it seems like the majority of gays had relationships and even sex with woman (I’m from Germany so I don’t know how it is compared to the US).

Anyway, it really made me feel quite bad because I think I’m missing out on something. I don’t feel any sexual attraction to women, but still it hurts me that I am kind of a minority inside of a minority (gay and no sex ever had with a woman).

So far this was kind of okay, but now with my boyfriend it’s a little harder.  He’s had one relationship with a girl and sex which already is hard for me. But on top of that, he has had sex once with another girl when he was already out of the closet with a girl who knew he was gay. He told me she provoked him. It lowered my self-esteem even more, because he can fuck women anytime he wants even though he’s not attracted sexually to women, in his words “it feels just mechanic”.

I know it’s kind of jealousy too, but I still need something more than somebody telling me not to be jealous.

I like him very much and want to overcome this. There was a moment when it came back to my mind and I felt disgusted while cuddling with him just because I imagined how he fucked that girl, but I didn’t tell him that

He told me that some weeks ago but I can’t stop thinking about it.

He also told me that he’s gay but when he drinks its easier for him to find woman attractive.  I asked him if I should worry if he will ever sleep again with a woman he said no. I’m sure he likes me and I want to free myself of this, but I can’t put down his past where he had sex with women.

I would be so glad if you could give me any advice please.

Thank you in advance.

-Bert