relationships

I’ve Lost Weight and My Boyfriend Gained Insecurity

Hi T,

I’ve been reading through your site and thought you had some good advice so I’m going to try this out. I’m having a problem with my boyfriend that’s really getting on my nerve lately. To give you a little background, over the past six months I’ve lost about 48 lbs and look the best I have in a minute. My boyfriend was initially very support of the weight loss, but over the last few weeks he’s gotten super clingy and possessive. I just don’t know where any of this is coming from. Appreciate the insight.

-New Me, But Not Who Dis

P.S., we’ve been together for over a year.

relationships

I Don’t Know If I Can Handle My Boyfriend’s Drinking Problem

Dear T,

Point blank, what would you do if you think your boyfriend had an alcohol problem? My boyfriend and I been together for about 5 months, and over the past 2 months I realized I’m not a big fan of him drunk. I mean he’s always liked drinking the occasional drink. Hell, we met at a club. I used to think his drunken antics were a little cute. He would get very talkative, and his sex game improved ironically. Lately though, when he drinks he gets a little belligerent, and he’s drinking more frequently. In fact, we now usually get into our biggest arguments after he’s been drinking, and since he’s been doing more of that, we argue often.

I’ve asked him if he thought maybe he had a problem, but he says he doesn’t and I’m just hyping up the situation. I love my boyfriend and I want us to work out, but I don’t know if I want to deal with him and the drinking like that, and he doesn’t acknowledge a problem. So what would you do? What should I do?

-Want Him to Stop

relationships

I Love My Boyfriend, But I Can’t Get Any Sleep at Night

T,

I have a question for you. It may seem stupid compared to some of the questions you answer, but I’d appreciate your honesty. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few months now, and everything is cool except this one thing. When I spend the night at his place or he spends the night at mine, I can’t ever get any sleep. EVER! He always tries cuddling up with me and sleeping right on top of me. I just can’t sleep with a person on me all night. For the past few weeks, I’ve been coming up with excuses as to why he shouldn’t sleep over or why I can’t sleep at his spot. I know I probably should say something to him about the discomfort, but when I’ve mentioned the issue in the past with my ex, my ex and I got into a dumb argument. I don’t want that to happen. So yeah, your thoughts.

-No More Sleepless Nights

relationships

My Boyfriend and I Aren’t Having Sex Like We Used To

Tavion,

What are you supposed to do when you’re boyfriend stops touching you like he used to? My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and a half now, and for the past couple of months we haven’t been having sex as regularly as we used to. We don’t live together, but we used to have sex about 4 if not more times a week. Now, we’re at like once a week. I get I may be a tad thicker, like 10 pounds heavier than I used to be when we met, and he’s been busier with his new job, but damn. I asked my best friend his thoughts on the situation, and he put out the idea that my boyfriend could be cheating. My friend is jaded so I’m trying not to take his words to heart. Besides, my boyfriend is a terrible liar so I would know. Interested in hearing your thoughts.

– Le Sigh

relationships

We’re In a Relationship, but He Won’t Introduce Me to His Children

Tavion,

How should I feel that my boyfriend of a year and some change hasn’t introduced me to his kids? To give you some back story, when we first started dating he didn’t tell me right away that he had two kids. About a month into seeing him, he finally told me over dinner that he’s a father. He claimed not to tell me right away because he wanted to see if what we shared was real and headed somewhere. Ironically though, I feel like if we are in a real relationship that he should introduced me to his children. They’re a part of him. They don’t live with him full-time, but he does see them every other weekend and that’s when he keeps me at a distance.  I guess I might understand me not meeting them if they were young, but his kids are 11 and 13, which I think is old enough to meet me. So I really do feel some type of way. Am I wrong here to feel a bit annoyed?

-Lite Brite 93

relationships

My Man is Being a Rock for His Ex, and I Can’t Stand It

Hey Tavion,

I’m having relationship problems, or at least I am. Can’t say my boyfriend sees there is anything wrong. I want you to know I’m a really nice and sympathetic person. I’m not some kind of heartless monster. However, I’m getting sick and tired of my boyfriend of two months catering to his ex.

See my boyfriend’s ex apparently is going through a lot right now. According to the ex, his dad almost died because of diabetes he didn’t know he had. The ex’s dad had been touch and go for a few weeks not sure he would make it, but he turned a corner and is slowly starting to recover. Plus, the ex claims that his sister is in an abusive relationship with the father of her kids. In the midst of all the issues going on in the ex’s life, he has been blowing up my boyfriend needing to talk and someone to lean on.

While I understand my boyfriend and his ex were together for over five years, they’ve been broken up for about a year.  I don’t get why his ex is constantly coming to him when things come up. I feel like the ex is still leaning on my boyfriend like he’s still his man, and that bothers me. I want to say something to my bf, but I don’t want to sound like some selfish nasty person. But the longer I remain quiet, the more I find myself being shady to my boyfriend, causing him to keep asking what’s wrong. I haven’t told him, because I don’t want to sound insensitive and come off uncompassionate. So what do I do? Say something to my boyfriend? Or swallow my feelings and pretend nothing is wrong with me, and have my boyfriend feel my anger boil up? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Thanks,

-Real Deal Jones

relationships

I Asked My Boyfriend to Move In, But He Won’t Pay Any Bills

Hey T,

Addicted to your blog lol. But imma keep this short and to the point. So my current boyfriend and I have been together collectively 8 years. We recently decided to date again because we both feeling each other. I mean you know how the story goes. Well we had the talk about moving into my house so we took that step. Of course after being single and living alone took some adjustment.

I’m not one that thinks roles and labels play a significant part in a relationship. Because at end of day we both are men. I feel the responsibilities should be shared equally so all the pressure or stress isn’t on one person. I don’t believe because you’re a top and he’s a bottom you should be paying for everything.

So for the last four months, I have been footing all of the rent. All of utilities. Groceries. Car payment (that he drives cause he doesn’t have one).  Insurance. We haven’t been sexual at all, and I find myself getting annoyed all the time with the smallest shit that he does. He breathes hard and I want to smack him. Now we have had talked and he said he would help, but umm that hasn’t yet. How do I express myself without being the BITCH I’m known to be? How can I mend the brokenness that is my heart and relationship? Or do I just throw the entire relationship away and start over?

-A Broken Man

friendship

My Best Friend Has a Boyfriend, and Now He Has No Time for Me

Dear T,

This site you have is pretty amazing.  I’m mad I literally just found it. Good stuff.  Anyway, let’s see if you can help me out here.  I’m so sick and tired of one of my best friends lately.  He’s been seeing his boyfriend or whatever for about a month now, and I know it’s been that long because I’ve seen his boyfriend for that long.  Not that I’m dating his boyfriend or anything, but every time I hang out with my friend these days he has to bring his boyfriend around.  If I hit my friend to go out for drinks, he brings his boyfriend.  If I hit him to go to a house party, he brings his boyfriend. If I call him to go out to eat, he’s asking if he can bring his man.  It’s like damn, can I just hang with my friend by himself.  I want to talk to my friend about it, but I’m pretty sure he’s going to blow it up into a big thing, and I don’t want to get into it.  What do you think?

-Not Jealous But Annoyed

relationships

My Boyfriend Won’t Stop Showing the Goods on Instagram

Hi Tavion,
Nice site. I’m a fan of the advice you give. It’s good advice but not too harsh. Anyway, hoping you can help me to figure out what to do with my boyfriend. He makes me feel like I’m competing with all of Instagram. I get that he’s really proud of his body transformation, but why does he have to post his body so much? At first I didn’t mind, but now I’m starting to feel some type of way. Like he can’t save some stuff for my eyes only. Everyone one doesn’t need to see what he looks like in underwear and what his print looks like. We are in a committed relationship and if he’s committed to me, why does he need to advertise for someone else? I don’t care what he says about it being for the sake of leg day pics or whatever, it’s inviting thots to blow up his inbox. By the way, I’ve asked him to chill with those kind of posts, and he kind of brushed me off. Told me I have nothing to worry about. Anyway, what do I here short of backhanding him and reporting all his photos on Instagram?
Thanks,
No Prude But

Dating

I Just Left My Husband…How Do I Date In This New-Age Dating World?

T,

I have decided to exit a ten year marriage. I have come to realize that I compromised so much of myself to make him happy and in return my happiness was depleted.  I no longer have an emotional and mental connection to this man and I am moving forward.  However, I have also noticed that this “new-age” dating is not for me.  It appears that every relationship is about sex and having multiple partners. Though I do not disagree with having sex and dating around to be sure you are investing your time and energy into the right person before becoming exclusive, I have an issue with sex and multiple partners being the main focus and NOT developing an intimate relationship. I realized in this marriage I married a selfish individual who abuses alcohol and, unfortunately, does not love himself (what he told me). I am not interest in this new-age dating, but craving that intimacy.

-urgh it’s complicated.