Dating, relationships

We Had Sex on the First Date, But Now He’s Claiming “Celibacy”?

T,

First off, Happy New Year to you. Man I hope it’s a good one. The question I have for you is about this guy I’ve been talking to that I met on Twitter. About two days before Christmas we finally went on our first date. The date was great and ended us having great sex, or at least I thought. We went out again recently, and he tells me that he doesn’t want to have sex anymore until we get to know each other better. I was thrown so when I asked him if there was a problem, he said he just didn’t want us to start something that was just about sex. I get that, but we’ve already had sex. I don’t see the problem. It’s not like I don’t want to build something with him too. I just feel some type of way I guess. It’s not like I’m going to beg him for sex, but I do want to have it and have no idea when he’ll be ready again. I’ve never had complaints about my performance, EVER, but now I’m thinking he didn’t like it or something. Feel a little paranoid about that. What are your thoughts?

-RJ094

Dating

I Thought We Were Vibing, So Why Did He “Ghost” Me?

T,

I met a guy on Jack’d, out of all places, and we seemed to have hit it off pretty well with our exchange of non-sexual, cool-natured, and friendly messages on there.  Over a span of a couple of days, our vibe was so great, that it led to us exchanging phone numbers where our conversations continued from there on.  This guy had my nose wide open!  He’s a good catch, good credentials, smart, funny, good heart, handsome – All the aspects most want in a guy.  Interested in seeing one another, we decided to meet up in person.  I suggested we’d meet up at a billiard because in my mind, it’d be a place where we can have fun, and feel each other out without the temptation of easily being lured to sex.

We agreed to meet at a reservation, overlooking the city instead, his idea, and a great one because I feel it’s an intimate and romantic “first date” so to speak.  When we met, we were both giddy, obviously feeling each other and both rather shy.  Our talk led to us kissing passionately and, perhaps against my better judgement, led to us getting a little frisky.  All in all, it was a great night and we continued to keep in touch daily.  We made plans to meet up for a second time, got stood up.

I reached out to him the next day, though he should’ve reached out to me, and he apologized with the excuse that he had taken a nap and slept through his alarm. I gave him the benefit of doubt and forgave him.  He made up for standing me up by keeping his word to meet me at my place a week later.  When he arrived at my place, it was the same scenario: we talked, kissed, and got a little freaky.  A part of me felt like I shouldn’t have let it gone to the point of getting sexual, but my hormones were raging, and his presence and his kiss had me weak. Dammit!

And so after that event, we still continued to call/text daily, it’s about 3 weeks since we first communicated on Jack’d at this point.  I thought about him e-ve-ry day!  I couldn’t believe within a short time, I had an immense deep like for this man.  I knew he had a Facebook, though he didn’t tell me, because I did my little research on him around the time we first started talking, as did he with me because he admitted it.  So, I figured since we have chemistry and as far as I was concerned, we were cool, it wouldn’t be creepy, off-putting, or weird to send him a friend request.  So I sent him one thinking at some point, he’ll see it and accept it.

In one of our daily text conversations, we brought up wanting to see each other again.  He suggested that I’d meet him at his place for what would have been our 3rd time seeing each other.  Of course I was thrilled about that so I sent him an affirmative response.  But, when I asked for his address, he never responded back.  I sent that text asking for his address on Monday, May 14th.  Here we are Monday, May 21st and I still haven’t heard from him.

I suffer from the once bitten, twice shy effect to where it’s hard for me to connect with a guy in general because of my nervousness and insecurities of having been rejected time and time again.  So you can imagine, since I’ve connected with this guy, I’m in shell shock, so to speak, from his sudden disappearance.  I checked his Facebook profile to see if my friend request to him was still pending, not only did he not accept it, it appears as though he set it up to where I can no longer send a request. I’m a 32 years old and have never been in a relationship.   My question to you is: from everything that I have explained, did I go wrong somewhere?  Was there anything I did or didn’t do to warrant his abrupt cut off of communication with me?

– Boston_Piscean

Dating

The Warm Weather and Hot Hormones of Summer

After what seems like six months of winter weather, spring (or arguably summer) has finally swung into full effect. I for one can’t be more excited by the final turn in weather.  Yes it’s hot.  Yes the pollen in the air is causing allergies to flare up.  And yes, folks like me are back outside mowing grass and trimming hedges. However, I for one couldn’t be happier about it.

Traditionally speaking, I’ve noticed when temperatures rise, so do individuals’ sexual appetites. Right about now in the midst of this nice weather, folks are feeling their desires for flesh reach a boiling point.  They’re eyeing the glistening muscles peaking from under the short sleeved shirts, the booties barely contained in tight pant, the prints in the basketball shorts, and fresh lineups, and a silent voice inside of them screams “I got to have me some of that.”   Raging hormones have these people on the hunt for “Zaddy” and not necessarily bae. While I’m not saying this is an issue, I do want to utter some words of caution.

relationships

I Asked My Boyfriend to Move In, But He Won’t Pay Any Bills

Hey T,

Addicted to your blog lol. But imma keep this short and to the point. So my current boyfriend and I have been together collectively 8 years. We recently decided to date again because we both feeling each other. I mean you know how the story goes. Well we had the talk about moving into my house so we took that step. Of course after being single and living alone took some adjustment.

I’m not one that thinks roles and labels play a significant part in a relationship. Because at end of day we both are men. I feel the responsibilities should be shared equally so all the pressure or stress isn’t on one person. I don’t believe because you’re a top and he’s a bottom you should be paying for everything.

So for the last four months, I have been footing all of the rent. All of utilities. Groceries. Car payment (that he drives cause he doesn’t have one).  Insurance. We haven’t been sexual at all, and I find myself getting annoyed all the time with the smallest shit that he does. He breathes hard and I want to smack him. Now we have had talked and he said he would help, but umm that hasn’t yet. How do I express myself without being the BITCH I’m known to be? How can I mend the brokenness that is my heart and relationship? Or do I just throw the entire relationship away and start over?

-A Broken Man

Dating

The Guy that I Like Has Been with Someone I Know

Dear T,

I was introduced to your site by a friend of mine, and really like the advice you’ve been giving. Hope you can give me some that good advice.  My older brother who I honestly thought liked only women, just told me he was bisexual.  As close as we are, I would have never guessed he likes men too. I’m gay btw. So after he came out or whatever, we started talking about his past with men. Long story short, I find out through our conversation that he once smashed the guy I’ve been dating for the past few weeks.  My brother didn’t know I’ve been dating this guy, and this guy doesn’t know who my brother is, so I can’t fault them for anything, but this is weird now.  How do I continue dating someone who my brother smashed?  I didn’t even mention, this guy I’m seeing told me he was a strict top, and my brother told me he smashed him. Could really use your help T in sorting all this out.

From,

Way Too Connected

relationships

Social Media Posts and Relationships

Hey T,

Not sure if you’ve answered this question before and I missed it, but I’m going to ask. I’m not necessarily in a relationship, but dating and hoping to get in one soon.  Not that I mind being technically single, I just want my bae.  Anyway, me and my God brother, who does have a man, were talking about how upset he gets about his boyfriend being on Instagram and Snapchat.  Not that he’s on the apps, but that he’s always posting body pics.  He started working out heavy about 5 months ago, and I’ll admit he definitely bulked up something fine.  So now I guess he likes showing off his progress.  He’s posted his arms, back, chest, and even legs.  Although, he had to stop with the leg pics because my God brother went off about him posting pics in his underwear.  I tried to tell him that posting pics aren’t that big deal, but he’s convinced that folks will DM his man and that will lead to cheating.

Meanwhile, my God brother vents often vents on Instagram whenever he and his boo have an argument.  I told him to stop that, but he is stubborn and doesn’t listen. Bringing this around to why I wrote you.  How do you think social media should play a role in relationships? Looking forward to hearing from you.

From,

Jimmy Jones 93

Pop Culture, The Lifestyle

About Him is a Must Watch

 

So while I’ve never written about a web series before, I felt compelled to write about the new smash hit About Him.  Without hesitation or pause, I can genuinely say that this Signal 23 TV show represents some of the best original programming online.  Having only watched two episodes so far, I’ve been thoroughly impressed and entertained.

Pop Culture

This Can’t Be American Politics

Up until now, I’ve been relatively quiet about the present and future political landscape of this country.  And that’s not because I haven’t had my share of opinions.  Trust me, I’ve had plenty to say.  But now with the 2016 presidential primaries inching closer, and certain politicians and pundits shoving their feet further into their mouths, I decided to get somethings off my chest.  So here it goes.

Dating, relationships

Being the Third Person in a Relationship Meant for Two

 Dear T,

I think I like a guy who is already taken. I met him at a bar last weekend, and we exchanged numbers. He told me last night on the phone though that he has a boyfriend.  Usually when I hear that magic word, I chuck up the deuces. But after only a few days of texts and calls, I find myself really interested in this man.  A part of me wants to keep talking to him. However I’m not one to break up a happy home.  My cousin said if this guy is talking to me, then the home isn’t that happy. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

From,

Lost one 91