Dating

Reclaiming from Him Your Most Valuable Possession

The most valuable thing you own has nothing to do with Gucci, Tesla, or Coldwell Banker. It’s not something you can necessarily buy, and it certainly can’t be shipped to you via Amazon Prime. Despite what ads may tell you, the most valuable thing a person can ever own is time.

And if you can agree that time is the most valuable thing you have, then take a moment and think about how you use it and protect it. Are you taking moments of the day to pursue your heart’s passions or dreams? Are you spending time with the loved ones that feed your soul? In terms of protection, are you allowing someone to steal the most valuable thing you possess?

The Lifestyle

I Was Trying to Date Him, Not Him and His Crazy Ex

Hey T,

You’ve been my unbiased “go-to” for quite some time. And this newest solicitation for advice won’t be any different. Let me jump right in, as this might turn lengthy.

I have been dating this guy for approximately 3 months, however it seems as if we have known each other much longer. The chemistry, conversation, and connection are purely organic.  We talk for hours on hours (about relevant things). He’s just all around nice guy.  I’ll refer to him as may’bae (potential future bae) going forward.

May’bae has this friend that he has known for quite a while.  The both of them are from the same area and relocated to the immediate area, went to college together, been roommates, and May’bae has taken care of this friend when he was down (after surgery/etc). After close observations (from conversations), I started feeling like the friend was more than a friend or that something had possibly existed between them in years past.  When I inquired he assured me that it was nothing more than a friendship.  I took it for face value, but I still had a very weird feeling about the connection.   I met this friend while I visiting May’bae and the friend was very short and stand-offish with me.  When I asked May’bae about it he said, “Oh that’s just how he is with everybody…”

Fast forward… we have been spending a lot of time together as you do when you’re getting to know someone and this friend apparently feels some type of way about it.  He popped up at May’bae’s place and confronted him about who he’d been spending his time with and asked was it me.  Once confirmed, this sent his friend into a fiery rage. He started making comments like “I thought you and I were going to be together, What does he have that I don’t have?….etc”

He pushes May’bae and a physical altercation ensued.

May’bae calls me crying because he has had a fight with who he thought was simply a friend that he had been helping out/held bake sessions with and just cool with. So anyway, it confirmed my assumptions that the friend indeed had feelings for him.

Being that this is really fresh, I don’t want to automatically penalize May’bae for just being there for a friend (who apparently had secret feelings for him). I don’t believe it’s his fault. The friend has since apologized for “acting out of character” and that May’bae has been a shoulder for him and most recently since he hasn’t been coming around he feels alone and wants to reconcile. I’m struggling with this idea because it sounds like he’s just trying to pull May’bae back into his life.

Perhaps once they sit down and talk he can let him know what it is and what it isn’t.  I liken this entire scenario to dating someone who is still close to an ex (knowing that the ex still has feelings for them).  I truly believe he doesn’t feel the same, but it’s my uncomfortable level of knowing that he’s still will be around someone who is actually in love with him.  Lastly, I don’t want to put him in a predicament to choose between me and his long time friend (who’s now not so “secretly” in love with him after all the tea was spilled).  Could this be a red flag for me or am I digging a little too deep with this?

Thanks,

Confused

*** UPDATE***

May’bae who is now Trash, confessed that he and this friend had been in a relationship for the past 3 years! This would explain why this “friend” was so passionate.  So he basically sold me an entire lie and I bought it. Sadly, my feelings are really hurt, because we talked about the future and etc.  He was a great guy beyond the lies and drama. Things certainly happen for a reason.

-Confused