Dating, relationships

I’m Ready. Should I Have the Relationship Conversation?

Hello Tavion,

I’ve been a big fan of you for a while now and can’t help but appreciate all that you’re doing.

I need your help!! I’ve been dating very active lately and I’ve been lucky to meet some pretty cool people. Some, I have gone on multiple dates and hang out with a couple of times.

Through this process, I met a guy who seems to be the one that I can finally commit to and build a relationship with. He is exactly what I’ve been looking for in a significant other. Getting to know each other within the last one month has been amazing.

I actually think I am kinda falling for him. But the gag is, he is moving back home.

He has been here on a student visa and now that he has graduated it’s been hard for him to find a job forcing him to move back home. We’ve literally been in a relationship but without the title. He is friends have become my friends and vice versa. He is older by 6 years and has experienced everything you can imagine in his past relationships (The good, bad and the ugly, long distance, toxic and abusive…. etc).  His last relationship ended in January and since then, he has been on a journey of self-care finding himself and falling back in love with himself.  I guess my question is how do I go about having the conversation about this? I definitely want something more (EXCLUSIVITY and all) but I don’t want to be the rebound guy as well or rush him into something he might not be ready for.

Should I just let the chips fall where they may? Should I be completely up-front about my feelings?

Thanks,

Victor

Dating, friendship

Should I Tell My Friend to Break Up with Her Boyfriend

Hey, if you don’t mind keeping this anonymous.

So today my best friend was getting hit with a rubber band which ofc was leaving markings and everything. She was getting hit with the rubber band by a kid that she talks to but they aren’t really “friends.” Let’s call him “Jose.” Okay anyways she was telling Jose to stop hitting her and he wouldn’t, then this kid that has a crush on my friend said to stop and tried to make him stop but Jose still didn’t. (Note I wasn’t in her class) but so here’s the problem, my friend’s boyfriend was sitting in the table behind her while this was all happening and not doing a thing about it but he knew it was happening. Also that for the past two weeks they haven’t had an actual conversation. Besides all of this, my friend wants to know what I would say to him if I were going to. I just don’t know how to write it.

-R

Dating

In Love with a Roommate Who Wants Someone Else

Hi T,

Here’s the situation. I was dealing with a guy that I had strong feelings for. He didn’t have as deep of a connection for me as I did him. We talked and we became friends, very good platonic friends. A few months later we become roommates. I moved into his home renting a room. Things are great, I’ve had my overnight company, a friend visiting from out of town.

Recently, he’s started having a local consistent friend stay overnight. For whatever reason, I’ve become bothered by this. I don’t know why. We were never together. In hindsight, I can acknowledge that. I openly accept that he and I aren’t supposed to be together. He has had people come over, they did whatever they did, and they’d leave. I don’t know why I’m feeling bothered by my friend finding someone he can spend time with consistently. Can you help me process this?

Confused AF

relationships

I Found Out My Aunt Has Been Dating My Ex for Two Years

Hi, I really need some advice. I just figured out my aunt has been dating my ex-boyfriend for about 2 years. I don’t think either of them knows that I’m her niece. This guy I was almost engaged to and I had helped him pick a house out that now my aunt is going to live in. It’s been 10 years and we only broke up because my uncle who I lived with at the time told my ex whopper lies. I’m so hurt and I just don’t know what to do? How do I tell my aunt without wanting to punch her and scream at her?

-Brandy

Pop Culture, The Lifestyle

5 Tips to Save You Money, Time, and Aggravation During Pride Weekend

While I know Pride Season has already technically begun, I usually don’t think it starts until DC Black Pride Weekend. Granted I might have a bias for the weekend because I’m all too familiar with the area and typical events. But, this particular pride occasion also coincides with usually warm weather and Memorial Day Weekend, so it brings all sorts of people from the LGBT spectrum out. If you’ve never been, allow me to tell you that the few days can be quite eventful.

However, the weekend can be the wrong kind of eventful under the wrong circumstances. As with all things, this particular weekend has its share of horror stories. You can probably find past participants that will claim to have been in a fight, hooked up with the wrong guy, got too drunk, lost a wallet, lost a man, and as well as been a part of a plethora of other issues.

And having myself fallen into one of the above categories, I’ve decided to give some words of advice to encourage any of you attending DC Black Pride (and really any pride this summer) to be better. Keep reading as I go over five tips to help you save money, time, and aggravation as you go out and celebrate you for being you.

relationships

I’ve Lost Weight and My Boyfriend Gained Insecurity

Hi T,

I’ve been reading through your site and thought you had some good advice so I’m going to try this out. I’m having a problem with my boyfriend that’s really getting on my nerve lately. To give you a little background, over the past six months I’ve lost about 48 lbs and look the best I have in a minute. My boyfriend was initially very support of the weight loss, but over the last few weeks he’s gotten super clingy and possessive. I just don’t know where any of this is coming from. Appreciate the insight.

-New Me, But Not Who Dis

P.S., we’ve been together for over a year.

relationships

I Suggested the Open Relationship, and He Got a Woman Pregnant

T,

I need some advice about a weird and frustrating problem I’m dealing with. Basically me and my boyfriend are in an open relationship while my job has me on the other side of the country for nine months.  My boyfriend is legit bisexual, and I know sometimes he may crave something I don’t have. So while we’re in the open relationship, I told him it was okay if he hooked up with women. Also, even though we agreed I could top men only, I haven’t done it. I couldn’t bring myself to sleep with anyone. Well now this whole open relationship idea, which was kind of my suggestion, bit me in the ass.

Last week I found out from my boyfriend that a woman he slept with is pregnant. I’m still shook by the news. I’m mad he knocked a woman and I’m mad he was out here not being careful. My boyfriend apologized and told me he doesn’t want to be with anyone but me. He pretty much begged me not leave him. I’m just not sure I can do this situation. I love him and thought about us having kids one day, but not like this.

What would you do if you were me?

-Is This Endgame

relationships

I Want to Stay in the Country, But My Boyfriend’s not Ready for Marriage

It sucks when in a relationship everything is perfect but one wants just companionship and the other wants commitment. I’ve been dating my bf for a little over a year now. This is my happiest relationship so far. He treats me really well and I balance out his energy perfectly too. But, I’m foreign on a visa, and my visa is expiring in a year.

When I had the talk with him on whether or not he would consider marriage as a way to keep me here, he backed out. He has his reasons, but I think in reality just like what you said in your writing, he’s probably only looking for companionship and will never commit not matter how much he loves or cares about the person. Because for him, the fear of losing freedom outweighs all the benefits he get from a relationship.

It’s so funny how the universe works. This just happened yesterday, and today I saw your post. We are all on our own journeys, and sometimes even the almost perfect person might still not meant to be.

-Amy G.

Dating

Reclaiming from Him Your Most Valuable Possession

The most valuable thing you own has nothing to do with Gucci, Tesla, or Coldwell Banker. It’s not something you can necessarily buy, and it certainly can’t be shipped to you via Amazon Prime. Despite what ads may tell you, the most valuable thing a person can ever own is time.

And if you can agree that time is the most valuable thing you have, then take a moment and think about how you use it and protect it. Are you taking moments of the day to pursue your heart’s passions or dreams? Are you spending time with the loved ones that feed your soul? In terms of protection, are you allowing someone to steal the most valuable thing you possess?