relationships

He Keeps Cheating but Says He Wants to Change

T,

My boyfriend and I started our relationship when I was overseas in February, so basically our relationship does not have a stable foundation. I had to go overseas for studies this whole year, I left in January and will be back in April next year. I recently found out that he cheated on me in April when I was looking through his phone messages, he was very intimate with another girl but this whole time he says that he never had sex with her even though the slept on the same bed a few times. He said he broke it off as he felt that it was not right or that he was starting to develop feelings for her, I don’t remember.

It was very rocky for us back in April, we kind of broke up and kept arguing but finally got back together as he had a scheduled trip to visit me in May, he booked the flights back in February. I forgave him, decided to give him another chance but within the last few days, I found he cheated again in November. He only said it was a bj, but I don’t believe that, because his message to his friend was that the girl said that there was no need to use protection, so to me, they did have sex, or else he would not have said that to his friend, no matter what he says.

He also made out with another girl twice around the same period of time, I found out all of this through his messages to his friend. It was him who gave me his password to his social media accounts, as I found out that he was lying to me recently, hence, I have no trust in long-distance relationships so he gave it to me when I asked for it.

Another thing is that he is extremely flirtatious with girls, just too intimate for my liking. I have spoken to him about it and he said that he will change. But the problem is him cheating so many times, like I just can’t accept it. But after mentioning breaking up he told me his reason of being like this, he said he used to be a very loyal person, but because of his ex he turned out this way. He said his ex used to bring guys back to her apartment all the time and was very intimate with other guys when he was dating her, so he thought and believed that he could do the same as well. After confronting him, he said that he regrets it, he just does not know how to reject people which i believe is bullshit. But he said he is willing to change, to give it a fresh start and to really appreciate me this time.

He deleted all of his Instagram messages (which is where I found all this info from), wanting to start anew, he swears that he will change and that he does not want to break up with me. My friends all tell me that a guy who cheats will never change, which I believe, but I also believe in giving people one more chance. But the problem is that I found out about him cheating within a 2 week span this month, I thought I gave him a chance for his cheating in April but now I find out about another one in November.

I really don’t know what I should do, if I can trust him? None of my friends support us together, none of them believe in cheaters. He was bowing on the ground for me to give him another chance, he keeps apologizing, he really regrets it but words have no effect anymore. He said that he will use time to prove it to me, but I don’t know how he will prove it. Just a little background, he works in a bar, so he meets girls on a daily basis. Which I don’t mind as long as he knows how to draw the line, but clearly he does not. He said from now on he will go straight home after work, he won’t have supper with his friends anymore, he said that he will stay at home with me when he has his days off. He said that he will change, he will do anything to not break up, but I really don’t know what to do right now, I am really confused. Please help me.

-Annie

relationships

He Cheated on Me for 8 Months, Should I Take Him Back

Hi T,

My boyfriend and I have been in a long-distance relationship for almost 3 years now. We have known each other since 2015. Recently I found out that he has been cheating on me for almost  8 months, during which time we were on a break for about 20 days or so. He’s apologized and told me that it was the distance and that there is no excuse that could cover him cheating. He says he was going to tell me this January when I would go over to meet him. He says he loves me and that he is willing to show me that he can change and that he will do whatever he can to change my opinion about him. I’m conflicted about whe….

-Adrianne

Dating, relationships

He Broke Up with Me, But I Still Want to Be Friends

Hi, I’m so heartbroken.

My ex broke with me yesterday. We were in a face to face relationship for a year, then he leaves for school and we committed to a LDR for a year and a half, a total of 2 years and 6 months being a couple. I really really really didn’t see this coming, 10 days before breaking up he told me that I was so good to him, he told me please never give up on him or us, that I was for sure the love of his life and that he wanted everything with me. I saw him last week, I visited him and i thought we were just fine… he confessed that he had cheated on me hours before I arrived, days after he told me that I was the one without a doubt.

I cannot believe that he cheated, not after all we have been trough after all the love we have. We weren’t a toxic relationship at all, I mean everyone said that we were so rare so unreal.

I love him so so so much.

The thing is that he liked being with someone else, so he told me that this girl was no one, but having sex with someone different is what he liked, and that’s why he broke up with me, so he can enjoy his 20’s and be ready for a serious and strong loving relationship.

I don’t know if I want him back because I feel like I can’t trust him because of the cheating plus the LDR, but I just want him to love me, to worry about me, to stay in touch, to be friends but really close friends and maybe In a future, be the strong and loving couple we were.

Please advise me, do we have a future right now? Or maybe later? Can we and how can we be friends?

Dating

I’m Over 30 and Never Been in a Relationship. How Do I Not Be Single

Hey Tot—
I’m single and just turned 33, and have been single for 33 years lol. Plus, sex isn’t really a habit in my life including self-pleasure. I don’t know where to begin when it comes to dating, a relationship, or building a healthy sex life.
I am an actor currently touring the country with a Broadway musical. I am verse/bottom. I am pretty handsome. I am also inexperienced, and it weakens me a bit.

Where do I start?

-ART

Dating, relationships

I Pay the Mortgage, But My Boyfriend Won’t Add Me to the Deed

Hey buddy…I’ve read your stories for a while and never thought I’d need your advice but here I am…lol…so me and my dude have been dating for two years…we’ve been permanently living together for about a year and a half…he bought another house so we could live together…i pay the mortgage and the condo fees and he pays the utilities…we’ve been disagreeing because i want more stability if something happens to him… like my name on the deed of the house…but he’s adamant against that.

I took out an insurance policy on myself for him if i were to die…he was supposed to get one on himself for me but couldn’t because he already had one with that company and doesn’t want to do the medical portion of it…not sure why, but it is what it is…his solution is if something happens to him I get to live in the place until I decide to move…that’s not fair to me…i feel like i should still have just as much stability as he will if something happens to me…how can i explain myself more to him or am i being unreasonable…all of the people who I’ve spoke to about it, the people i confide in, have said that I’m not being unreasonable and that if he doesn’t see my point then maybe i should reconsider living with him and paying his mortgage…I’m torn…i love him but I’m also at an age where i can’t take those chances…i feel like if we’re going to be in a partnership then we need to be partners…not him in charge and me playing house…what do you think?

 

-Black

Dating, relationships

Five Years into a Relationship and He Cheated Year Two

 Hi,

I have been dating my long-distance boyfriend for almost 5 years now. We live in different countries, but every time we can, we travel to one another. This past summer, we even got married, and our whole families were happy about it. Everything seemed perfect! Today, he opened up to me that , 2 years into our relationship, he cheated.

He kept it from me due to the fear of losing me. I am so hurt by what he did, because I thought we were strong enough to surpass those physical temptations. He says that he couldn’t live with himself anymore knowing that he’s hiding this from me, as every day he’s realizing more that I’m his soulmate. Before this happened, we were planning on him moving to the states so we could spend our lives together. I see that he’s remorseful because he could’ve still kept it a secret, and I would’ve never found out. However, I hate to admit it, but my ego is bruised, and my heart is shattered. I would like to think that we can make this work, but I’m afraid that I’m not strong enough to. I’ve always said that I would immediately break up with someone that cheated on me , but it is so difficult because I’m in love with him. Am I weak to try this again? Or should I even? That betrayal has scarred us forever.

From,

J

Dating, relationships

We’re in a Relationship Now, But He Cheated When We Were Dating

Hi T,

Seeking advice and hoping you can help me out. A few days ago I found out my boyfriend of 4 months actually cheated on me when we first started dating. Hopefully long story short, I ran into a friend of a friend at a bar and we were talking. I told him about my boyfriend and how long we’ve been dating, and that’s when this friend of a friend hit me with the “oh that’s interesting” BS. I asked him what he meant by that, and that’s when he said he knew someone who had hooked up with my boyfriend which would have been about 5 months ago. The problem is, my boyfriend and I were dating 5 months ago.

I tried to save face in front of this guy, but when I left I was pissed. My boyfriend and I got in an argument, because I hate feeling blindsided, and I feel he cheated on me. I get we weren’t official until 4 months ago, but at 5 months, I thought we were just dating each other. While we haven’t’ broken up, things between my boyfriend and I are a little rocky. Just don’t know what to do in the situation. Could use the advice.
-Benny B

Dating, relationships

He’s Committed to Me, But Wants to Sleep with Other People

T,
I have been with this guy for 2 years and we broke up. I was head over heels, I would have done anything for him. He didn’t have to say it but I knew he wouldn’t do the same or couldn’t. He had some demons he needed to take care of.

Well, we were broken up for about a month and we got back together. It’s been a few weeks and things are tremendously better. Everything has been so passionate and intimate, he shows so much affection, he never did before. He told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and he’s never said that to anyone ever.

The problem is, he wants me and him to hook up with other people together. He wants to have more experiences (he’s already had past experiences with ex-girlfriends). I expressed to him I’m not comfortable with it. Just thinking about him sleeping with other people hurts, watching him sleep with somebody else would just rip my heart out.

He doesn’t want to break up, at least not right now is what he says. Both of our personal lives have been going downhill and it’s like we lift each other up. But I know me not wanting him to sleep with other people is a deal-breaker. He wants to see if one of us will come around eventually but I think if we stay together the heartbreak will hurt even worse. Being with him has been so magical, I feel amazing, but I can’t keep this on the back burner until we start having problems or he gets bored with our sex life. Any advice?

-Madison

Dating, relationships

I’m Ready. Should I Have the Relationship Conversation?

Hello Tavion,

I’ve been a big fan of you for a while now and can’t help but appreciate all that you’re doing.

I need your help!! I’ve been dating very active lately and I’ve been lucky to meet some pretty cool people. Some, I have gone on multiple dates and hang out with a couple of times.

Through this process, I met a guy who seems to be the one that I can finally commit to and build a relationship with. He is exactly what I’ve been looking for in a significant other. Getting to know each other within the last one month has been amazing.

I actually think I am kinda falling for him. But the gag is, he is moving back home.

He has been here on a student visa and now that he has graduated it’s been hard for him to find a job forcing him to move back home. We’ve literally been in a relationship but without the title. He is friends have become my friends and vice versa. He is older by 6 years and has experienced everything you can imagine in his past relationships (The good, bad and the ugly, long distance, toxic and abusive…. etc).  His last relationship ended in January and since then, he has been on a journey of self-care finding himself and falling back in love with himself.  I guess my question is how do I go about having the conversation about this? I definitely want something more (EXCLUSIVITY and all) but I don’t want to be the rebound guy as well or rush him into something he might not be ready for.

Should I just let the chips fall where they may? Should I be completely up-front about my feelings?

Thanks,

Victor

Dating, friendship

Should I Tell My Friend to Break Up with Her Boyfriend

Hey, if you don’t mind keeping this anonymous.

So today my best friend was getting hit with a rubber band which ofc was leaving markings and everything. She was getting hit with the rubber band by a kid that she talks to but they aren’t really “friends.” Let’s call him “Jose.” Okay anyways she was telling Jose to stop hitting her and he wouldn’t, then this kid that has a crush on my friend said to stop and tried to make him stop but Jose still didn’t. (Note I wasn’t in her class) but so here’s the problem, my friend’s boyfriend was sitting in the table behind her while this was all happening and not doing a thing about it but he knew it was happening. Also that for the past two weeks they haven’t had an actual conversation. Besides all of this, my friend wants to know what I would say to him if I were going to. I just don’t know how to write it.

-R