friendship, relationships

Should I Tell My Best Friend I’m in Love with Him? Or Should I Check My Feelings?

Hey T!

I’ve been in love with my best friend for most of our friendship, but we’ve never been able to actually have a relationship. We’ve actually been friends since first grade and now we’re both in our 30s. He was the first person I came out to, and even my very first kiss. We’ve messed around before, had threesomes, and even talked about the possibility of us having a relationship, but I don’t understand why we’ve never taken it to the next level.

What makes things worse, he has a tendency to date dudes that are way too similar to me. They’ve even had birthdays, days apart from mine. His boyfriends will either get jealous of our friendship or reach out to me to get advice on dealing with him.

His last two relationships were with two guys we were just supposed to be friends with and then he started dating them behind my back, only for me to find out later and then be forced to deal with the relationship and play the background.

Why does it seem like I’m always the rebound after he breaks up with these similar dudes? Do I need to end this friendship once and for all? Or do I just need to get my feelings in check?

– Dafeon

friendship

They Aren’t Your Friend!

As I get older and wiser, I’ve come to realize that my dad taught me one of the most valuable lessons in life.  Even though he wasn’t really around when I was growing up, and we aren’t particularly close, he actually passed on some words of wisdom to me that I haven’t forgotten and stand by daily.  About twelve years ago or so, my dad told me, “you may think you have a lot of friends now, but in life you really only have a few friends, and many associates.”  Now if you swap out “associates” for “acquaintances”, this one quote should stir something in your spirit.  And if doesn’t, perhaps you just haven’t reached a place in life when you’ve been hurt by enough people or seen enough things.  But either way, my father had and has an amazing point.

friendship

How to Tell A Friend Crashing On Your Couch It’s Time to Go!

T,

I noticed you give legit advice, so I guess I’m trying this thing out.  I’m having a roommate situation.  I guess it’s really more of a friend situation.  So for the past two months I’ve been letting a close friend stay with me, and I’m kind of tire of having him around. He relocated to my city because he needed a fresh start, but he hasn’t found a job yet.  Which means he’s been here rent free.  I don’t think I would care so much if he weren’t eating all my food and inviting himself to come with me every time I leave the house.  I have to be comfortable when I come home.  Basically, how do I put my friend out of my house without losing him in my life?

Thanks for whatever advice you give,

Martin Payne92

relationships

Your Family and Friends Hate Your Man, and It’s Your Fault!

Hi T,

I have a dilemma I’m hoping you can help me with.  My sister and my best friend hate my boyfriend, and obviously this is a big problem.  It’s so bad that my sister and my friend don’t even want to come to things where they know I’ll be bringing my boyfriend, and if they do come to events where he is, they barely say anything more than hello.  I get that they don’t like him because of the things my boyfriend has done to me in the past, but if I forgave him, why can’t my family? How do I get my family and friends to a place where they will respect my relationship and my man?  I can’t wait to hear your thoughts?

-King Tut 93

friendship

What RHOA Really Taught Us about Friendships?

By now, most of the country has been exposed to the web of lies that was season nine of The Real Housewives of Atlanta.  As entertaining, or perhaps just shocking, the battle between Kandi and Phaedra was, or the relationship shift between Porsha and Shamea may have been, I find myself thinking about the underlying notions of friendship.  I’m one of those people that believes there are certain rules to friendship whether people are on good terms, or they fall out.  And all that unfolded on this season seems to break a few of these rules.  So in essence, RHOA this season taught us what not to do when it comes to friendships.

friendship

You’ve Outgrown Your Friend

Dear T,

How many arguments do you have to have with a friend before you call off the friendship?  It seems like me and my so called bff, argue at least once a month.  And I honestly am sick of wasting the energy and time.  I mean we argue over the dumbest things.  I think the last time we had a disagreement it was because he didn’t like that I was 30 minutes late in meeting him for drinks.  Keep in mind that I was late because there was an accident.  He acted as if I had control over how people drive.  I just can’t keep doing this petty back and forth anymore, especially with someone I’m not even sleeping with.  What should I do here, especially with someone I’ve known for over 12 years?

– Just Enough