Dating, relationships

My Standards, My Expectations, and My Inability to Keep a Man

Dear T,

A friend told me about your blog, and since I’ve started reading it, it’s become one of my favorite things. Great job. Anyway, the reason I’m writing is that I’m tired of starting over when it comes to dating. It seems like I meet a guy, we date for maybe a month or two, then we break up or whatever. My sister suggested that I give up too easy or something, but I’m not convinced that’s true. I just don’t think something that’s meant to be in terms of a relationship should be that hard in the beginning. I get I’m a complicated person and I may even demand too much, but I like what I like and I deserve to have a soulmate.  Guess my question to you is, do you think there is something wrong with me? Why can’t I get out of this pattern of dating and breaking up, and get into a lasting relationship?

– I Was Supposed to Be In Love By Now

relationships

My Boyfriend Won’t Stop Showing the Goods on Instagram

Hi Tavion,
Nice site. I’m a fan of the advice you give. It’s good advice but not too harsh. Anyway, hoping you can help me to figure out what to do with my boyfriend. He makes me feel like I’m competing with all of Instagram. I get that he’s really proud of his body transformation, but why does he have to post his body so much? At first I didn’t mind, but now I’m starting to feel some type of way. Like he can’t save some stuff for my eyes only. Everyone one doesn’t need to see what he looks like in underwear and what his print looks like. We are in a committed relationship and if he’s committed to me, why does he need to advertise for someone else? I don’t care what he says about it being for the sake of leg day pics or whatever, it’s inviting thots to blow up his inbox. By the way, I’ve asked him to chill with those kind of posts, and he kind of brushed me off. Told me I have nothing to worry about. Anyway, what do I here short of backhanding him and reporting all his photos on Instagram?
Thanks,
No Prude But

relationships

My Long-Distance Partner Cheated… Should I Forgive Him?

T,

My long distance boyfriend cheated on me. We have liked each other for about three years but never made anything official because of the distance. We spend our summers together in the same small town every year since we were kids but last summer we decided to make it official. We’ve been together for about seven months. We are absolutely in love with each other but I found out that he did cheat on me.

No sex. He fingered a girl and she gave him a blowjob they made out and he stopped it there but he might as well have done it all. It hurts so badly. I found out  just a couple days ago but this happened about three months ago and he says he feels horrible and has felt  horrible ever since.  I want to forgive him but I just don’t know if I will ever be able to trust him again. He promises me he’s changed but I’m pretty sure that’s what all cheaters say. I need some advice that isn’t biased by my friends or his friends. Please help!

-Payton

Pop Culture

The 2017 Year-End Review: My Lists of Top 5’s

Greetings folks! As one of the last new posts of the year, I wanted to give a year-end review of sorts. When I say review, I mean a “Top 5” list for 2017 of various things in entertainment, politics, and sports. I know some of you will agree and others will argue with my lists; but hey, they’re my lists. Oh and I’ve also included five things I wish would happen in 2018. So enjoy!

Pop Culture

Your Dreams are Bigger than the Pettiness and Shade!

I putting out a challenge for personal elevation. Stop concerning yourself with every person that throws you shade. Let go of your pressing desire to return petty for petty.  And please do yourself a favor, and tap into your ability to turn the other cheek.  I’ve come to learn, that sometimes in your effort to seek revenge against someone you think that has wronged you, you are mostly likely accomplishing two things.  One, you’ll be wasting time.  The time you spend plotting and scheming on someone, is time you won’t ever get back.  It could be better spent on your dreams and hustles, but instead you will be giving it someone that won’t contribute to your bank account or happiness. Second, when you seek out revenge, you are allowing whoever wronged you to further consume your energy.  You give them expressed permission and consent to continue to antagonize you.  Not to mention, you prop them up to a position in your life they don’t need to have.

Pop Culture

Was Beyoncé’s “Sorry” Calling the Grammys Out for 2015 AOTY Snub?

As a loyal member of the Beyhive, I, like many, am still seething about the results from this year’s Grammy Award Ceremony. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of the British songstress Adele.  I often find her lyrics to be emotionally impactful and her voice to be an amazing rarity in today’s music industry.  With that said, there is no way that 25 was better than the cultural phenomenon Lemonade. Heck, Adele herself even admitted that.

Pop Culture

Looking for Hope in the Election Results

Dear America,

I wanted to write this letter post-election not to necessarily express my discontent, but to express my hope.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m truly disappointed by the results of yesterday’s election. It has been no secret that I was pulling for the former secretary of state.  Although my enthusiasm for her dipped substantially over the course of the election, I always knew in my heart of hearts that she was the better candidate between her and Trump.  Heck, I thought, and continue to think, that Trump embodies the dangers of white privilege and money, and is a champion of xenophobia, racism, and sexism.  But regardless of my feelings of the now president-elect, he will be taking the oval office in just a few months.

As I’ve said, I’m not really writing this to express my discontent, so let’s get to why I’m hopeful.  If you recall, at the start of the century, George W. Bush was elected to the highest office in the land.  You can argue until you’re blue in the face about the legitimacy of that election process, but it won’t change history.  People thought his election was the worst thing that’s happened to this country.  That was until he was reelected in 2004.  Eight years of bad foreign policy, economic plans, and overall decision making, left this country in a pretty low place. However, it also left this country and it’s voters in a position to receive change.  Big change.

Dating

Is Dating Younger a Big Deal?

T,

Real quick.  What are your thoughts on dating younger?  I’m knocking on 29, and I’ve just not been able to make it work with guys my age.  I tried dating older, and that didn’t work out for me.  The older men I’ve dated always came into the situation like they were the authoritarian and I needed to be schooled in everything.  Anyway, I met this guy at a bar about two weeks ago, and we’ve been texting since then.  Only problem is that he just turned 21 a month ago. From what I know he seems cool, but that age difference makes me nervous.  What do you think I should do?
-Young but Not that Young

Pop Culture

Rihanna’s VMA Night Flooded by Lemonade

Going into last night’s MTV Video Music Awards, I, like many viewers, was led to believe it would be a night paying homage to the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award recipient, Rihanna.  For weeks, MTV and various news/blog outlets had been hyping up this year’s VMAs as a celebration of the island beauty.  There was word that she would have this epic performance that would leave people breathless.  And on top of that, it was announced that Nicki, Ariana, Future, and Ms. “Britney B*tch” herself would be headlining performances.  So with this line up alone, I thought the VMAs would at least be better than last year.  But then, oh but then, the rumors about Ye and Queen Bey began circulating. And that’s when I knew Rihanna’s spotlight was in danger of being stolen.

Let’s start with the VMA red carpet.  So as a proud carrying card member of the Bey Hive, I’ll admit that Rihanna can sometimes give Bey the business on a red carpet.  There have been times when I’ve had to say “ok Riri, you did that.”  So if Ms. Fenty was going to start off the night on a good note, I expected her walk the carpet in an outfit that only she could pull off.    Welp, she didn’t do that.  Beyoncé on the other hand turned heads.  While I’m still not necessarily a fan of the dress she had on, when paired with Blue Ivy, I’ll buy into the look.  Plus, she had the Mothers of the Movement as her special guests.  To be honest, her shutting down the carpet was the moment the VMAs became about her.

Now let’s talk about the actual main event.  Rihanna’s opening was a little flat for me personally. Her makeup and hair looked great, but all that damn pink was distracting.  I love the songs she performed, but I was still a little underwhelmed.  However, up until the appearance of Mr. West, that was the most entertaining part of the night.

Mr. West is a genius.  As confusing as his rambling can be, if you pay really close attention, he’s saying something.  Last night, he was indeed saying something.  But it wasn’t his speech that overshadowed Rihanna, it was that epic video.  “Fade” deserves a round of applause, standing ovation, and every award possible in the very near future. Teyana Taylor almost walked away as the real MVP of the ceremony.

Whether you’re a man or woman, gay or straight, if you watched Teyana Taylor dance in that video, you were slightly turned on.  Between her outfit, the dance moves, and the body, I got overheated.  And it had nothing to do with the summer weather.  She has become the epitome of body goals.  I hope after that video premiere, that she finally gets the credit she deserves as an amazing talent.  Heck, she wasn’t even in the building last night, and I was more impressed with her than any of Rihanna’s three sets from yesterday. That includes the last set where pop’s princess actually sang flawlessly (for her that is).

On to the performance of the night.  Beyoncé Knowles Carter. How MTV gave her the opportunity to perform Lemonade on a night that was supposed to be about Riri, I just don’t know. I’m not complaining, because as a Beyoncé super fan, I was excited to see her.  And her performance, as always, was in a lane of her own.  The outfit changes, the “cakeage”, the dancing, the twerking, not to mention the vocals.  I was here for all of it. If I had to critique anything, it would be the fact that Serena was there, but didn’t pop anything on stage during “Sorry.”  Bey left it impossible for anyone to follow her.  ANYONE.

Before I wrap this up, let me make it perfectly clear.  I like Rihanna.  I’ve long admired her for creating her own path in this music industry, and for her unwillingness to be molded into something that’s she’s not.  However, if MTV was going to honor her with the most prestigious award of the night, they didn’t have to invite two of the biggest names in music to upstage her.  Especially, Beyoncé.   Queen Bey owned the red carpet, the stage, and heck the awards (given she won 8).  So you all tell me, who this ceremony was really celebrating?  That’s all I’m saying.

Pop Culture

Top 5 Moments from the 2016 BET Awards

The 2016 BET Awards has officially come and gone, and I most assuredly can say that I enjoyed it better than last year.  Now I may be a bit bias in saying that given my favorite performer ever opened this year’s festivities.  However, even when she packed up shop and high tailed it overseas following her epic performance, I was still more entertained than last year.  Heck, I barely paid last June’s show that much attention until Janet walked across the stage.  But this year, I was definitely more in tune with what was going on.  I think that mostly had to do with trying to see if BET would live up to the hype of its Prince tribute.  Whether or not it did in my opinion, the jury is still out on that.   While I expected more out of some performers, others lit the stage with fire.  Overall, it was way better than the Billboard’s tribute though.  So Anywho, check out my top 5 moments of the show.