Dating

Reclaiming from Him Your Most Valuable Possession

The most valuable thing you own has nothing to do with Gucci, Tesla, or Coldwell Banker. It’s not something you can necessarily buy, and it certainly can’t be shipped to you via Amazon Prime. Despite what ads may tell you, the most valuable thing a person can ever own is time.

And if you can agree that time is the most valuable thing you have, then take a moment and think about how you use it and protect it. Are you taking moments of the day to pursue your heart’s passions or dreams? Are you spending time with the loved ones that feed your soul? In terms of protection, are you allowing someone to steal the most valuable thing you possess?

Dating, relationships

Living Like You’re Single in a Long Distance Relationship

My partner and I first began our now 3 year relationship via long distance. I moved down to Atlanta from Houston to be with him full time after 1 year but we were sleeping with other people while still out of state. I’ve been here for the last 2 years and after the honeymoon phase has worn out I discovered my mood has sunken into depression and anxiety due to being away from my family and friends back in my hometown.

This is my first long term live-in relationship and first foray into living away from home altogether. I noticed that I had stepped out here and there with each trip out of town due to my feelings of unhappiness. We were now considering moving back to Houston but I recently slipped up with an ex a few months ago on a trip back to Houston that my hometown partner found out about via hacking my phone.

I’m confused if I am truly depressed about my current relationship being monogamous and feelings of being stifled domestically. Or unhappy with being away from my hometown. We recently started couple counseling and each started therapy for clarity in our emotions. Should I try to make this work or leave while the going is good?

-Needy Neurotic or Nympho

friendship, The Lifestyle

My Best Friend’s Girlfriend Doesn’t Like Me Because I’m Gay

Tavion,

I’m having a problem I need your help with. Long story short, one of my best friends is a straight guy, and we’ve known each other since middle school. About four months ago he started dating this girl who I can’t stand.  When I first met her I could tell something was off about her, but I kept my feelings to myself. I really wish I hadn’t.

Since she’s been around I don’t see my friend as much, and any time I do see him she’s right there behind him like a shadow. Not only is she there, but she looks at me with this stank face like I pissed in her grits or something. I’ve come to the conclusion that she is jealous or something like I want to screw my best friend.

Keep in mind I’ve never slept with my best friend, nor have I ever wanted to sleep with him. He’s cute and is about his business, but I’ve never wanted to cross that line with him. He’s like my blood brother. He wouldn’t cross that line with me either because he is very much into women.

What do I do in this situation? The longer this woman is around, the more attached she and my friend become. I’m nervous about our friendship. I tried asking why his girl doesn’t seem to like me, but he said she doesn’t have a problem and she’s cool. I know that’s a lie.

Advice needed,

Life is Like a Box of Chocolate.

Dating

My Friends Say I’m Picky, But I Can’t Deal with this Guy’s Feet

Dear T,

Full disclosure, my friends have told me I’m picky when it comes to dating. If knowing what you do and don’t want is picky, then by all means call me picky. I just don’t think there is anything wrong with having standards. However, I told myself in 2019 I would keep my friends’ words in mind. Having said all of that let me get to the reason I’m writing you.

I’ve been seeing this guy I like for about a month now. I mean I really do like him. He checks off all the boxes on my checklist, and he’s got me completely pressed. Or he did before I recently saw his feet. The other night we were intimate and he finally took his socks off and I was horrified. I mean I’ve seen some bad feet, but his toes alone look like someone has been gnawing at them. Then when the bottom of his feet managed to touch my leg, I swore he cut me.

As much as I like this guy, I don’t think I can be with someone with bad feet. Not that I make a habit of putting toes in my mouth, but if I was in the right mood I wouldn’t even be able to remove his socks. I’m doing my best not to be picky in this situation, but damn. His feet are gross.

What are your thoughts?

-I Can’t Do His Feet

Dating, relationships

I’m In a Long Distance Relationship, and I Think He Cheated

Hello there,

My boyfriend just got back from another city. Now I’ve found out he cheated on me while we are in 5 months long distance relationship. Seen pictures of his and a woman’s clothes in a hotel. But I already had that feeling inside me that he is hiding something from me. What should I do? Haven’t talked to him yet. I am confused on what should I feel. Should I forgive him? Damn this feeling.

-Maecats

Dating

I Want Love But I’m Tired of Chasing Men

Tavion,

I really appreciate your site and the advice you give. The community needs your advice, and I need your advice right now. My issue has to deal with chasing. I’m single and honestly I’m tired of chasing guys. It’s the same thing too. I meet a guy on a dating app or social media, show him some interest, he appears to return the interest, and then I spend like a month chasing him for me not to end up in a relationship. The shit is getting old.

Do you know how frustrating it is to think you’re talking to a guy trying to build something only for nothing to happen? I mean some of the guys I chase, I don’t even get to the point where we go on a dates. And while being single has its advantages, I’m trying to get boo’d the hell up. I know you have to pursue what you want in life, but I want to be pursued. I want people to call me, or hit me with a good morning and good night text. What advice do you have for me so I can date different in 2019?

From,

Tryna Glow Up

Dating, relationships

We Had Sex on the First Date, But Now He’s Claiming “Celibacy”?

T,

First off, Happy New Year to you. Man I hope it’s a good one. The question I have for you is about this guy I’ve been talking to that I met on Twitter. About two days before Christmas we finally went on our first date. The date was great and ended us having great sex, or at least I thought. We went out again recently, and he tells me that he doesn’t want to have sex anymore until we get to know each other better. I was thrown so when I asked him if there was a problem, he said he just didn’t want us to start something that was just about sex. I get that, but we’ve already had sex. I don’t see the problem. It’s not like I don’t want to build something with him too. I just feel some type of way I guess. It’s not like I’m going to beg him for sex, but I do want to have it and have no idea when he’ll be ready again. I’ve never had complaints about my performance, EVER, but now I’m thinking he didn’t like it or something. Feel a little paranoid about that. What are your thoughts?

-RJ094

Dating

They May Be Friends and I’m Dating Them Both. What Do I Do?

Hey T,


Let’s hope you can help me with my personal life because it’s a mess. It could be worse, but it’s definitely not great. About 6 months ago I got out of a year long relationship, and just started putting myself back out there in September. Since I’ve been trying to date I’ve been talking to guys on Instagram and Tindr, and I do just mean talking. Speeding this story up a bit, I met two guys on Instagram who I really like. They both look good, are smart, and have their shit together. I’ve been on dates with both of them, but haven’t had sex with either of them. Although, I will admit I’ve exchanged a few nudes with the two.


The problem comes in, because I recently found out the two guys know each other. I saw them laughing together in an insta story at some kind of house party. I’m feeling a little creepy or anxious because I never wanted to be the guy dating two friends, and now I don’t know what to do. Do I end things with one guy before they find out I’ve been dating them both? Am I obligated to tell either of them I’m seeing the other? Can I just keep quiet about what I know and continue to date them both until it’s clear which guy I want to be with? What do I do here? Again, I’ve never been in this position. Or at least that I know of. Your advice is appreciated.


From,
Henny and Ice

Dating

I Want Him in My Future, But I Can’t Stop Dating His Past

Tavion,

Just going to put this out there first, I love your site. I think it’s real dope that you dedicate your time to help the gay community, good looking out. Okay so with the nice stuff out the way, here’s the problem. I started talking to this guy that I thought could be boyfriend material. It’s only been about two weeks, but I could tell we had a vibe going on. Then I made two mistakes. I told my friend about him and I followed him on Instagram.

When I told my friend about the guy and showed him the dude’s picture, the first thing my friend said was literally “oh him.” When I asked what that meant, my friend said he knew the guy had talked to two people he knew. That news by itself didn’t make my warning lights go off. However, when I followed him on Instagram and looked through his comments, he always has guys flirting with him in his comments. I just don’t like dating popular folks. I don’t want to be one guy in a sea of others guys chasing one man. That’s not me. My friend told me to chill and date the man if I like him, but now I’m insecure about the whole thing. Do you think I’m trippin?

-Freefall 93

relationships

I Love My Boyfriend, But I Can’t Get Any Sleep at Night

T,

I have a question for you. It may seem stupid compared to some of the questions you answer, but I’d appreciate your honesty. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few months now, and everything is cool except this one thing. When I spend the night at his place or he spends the night at mine, I can’t ever get any sleep. EVER! He always tries cuddling up with me and sleeping right on top of me. I just can’t sleep with a person on me all night. For the past few weeks, I’ve been coming up with excuses as to why he shouldn’t sleep over or why I can’t sleep at his spot. I know I probably should say something to him about the discomfort, but when I’ve mentioned the issue in the past with my ex, my ex and I got into a dumb argument. I don’t want that to happen. So yeah, your thoughts.

-No More Sleepless Nights