relationships

He Cheated but I Still Love Him. Am I Stupid for Wanting Him Back?

T,

I recently found out my long-distance boyfriend was cheating on me for 3 months. We’ve known each other for 5 years, got into a relationship a year and a half ago, and a couple weeks ago the other girl ended up getting in contact with me while he was spending winter break here.

Now he’s taking time to work on himself (or so he’s told me) and is staying away from relationships altogether. I’m really having a hard time processing everything, especially because he promised this would never be something I’d ever have to experience. He was cheated on in his prior relationship, and I took that as a sign he would never want me to experience that pain. The worst part is that I still love him, but he’s fallen out of love with me.

I want to believe we could work things out, that we could start over in the future, try again when we’re both in a better place. We met each other at a really bad time in our lives, and both of us have some things we need to work on mentally/emotionally. This was my first real relationship, and I don’t want to let it go. I’ve never experienced love like this, and I’m truly devastated and heartbroken over all of it. But even though I’m hurting, I can’t help but want him back. I just want to know, am I stupid for holding out hope?

-Jas

relationships

My Ex Wants to Have Another Kid with Me, My Boyfriend Is Pissed

Hello Tavion,

Imma keep this as short as possible. I’m bisexual and when I was 23 I had my daughter with my best friend. I mean at the time we were dating, but since we broke up we’ve stayed real cool. Now I’m almost 30 and I have a boyfriend who I love. We been together for about 2 years. He gets along well with my daughter, and he was getting along with her mom until she asked me to have another kid with her.

She wants another baby, and because things worked well with us, she wants me to be the dad. I’ll admit, I’ve thought about having another kid before, but not under these circumstances. Again, I love my boyfriend, and he’s really not with the idea of me having another child with my friend. Like at all. In fact, we got into an argument about it. And things are real weird between my daughter’s mom and my boyfriend, especially because she keeps pressing the issue. Long story short, I kind of want the kid, but not enough to compromise my relationship. What’s your advice? Who should I choose?

-GirlDad Maybe Twice

relationships

Is Eight Weeks Enough Time to Know You Want to Be in a Relationship?

Tavion,

My friends say I’m being stupid, and I need you tell me if they are right. I’ve been single for a minute, but been talking to this great guy for only 8 weeks. He’s sexy nerd type with body, quirky personality, and we click in our conversations. I like him. There have been a few times where we have talked on the phone for like two hours straight. The problem I’m having is that lately he’s been calling me bae, and been pretty much asking for confirmation we’re in a relationship. I can’t stand it.

It’s only been 8 weeks, and I feel like he’s trying to trap me in a relationship. The bae thing was already putting me off, but trying to pressure me for this boyfriend title is not cute. Why can’t we date and naturally get there? It’s not like I’m dating other folks, but he doesn’t get why I’m hesitant on the whole boyfriend thing.

Two of my best friends say I’m the one that’s weird, because if we like each other and I’m dating only him and vice versa, they don’t get why I’m putting on the breaks. But I take relationships seriously and don’t want to be hopping in and out of them because I rushed things.

What do you think?

-Slow and Steady

relationships

Living with My Boyfriend is Driving Me Crazy… What Do I Do?

T,

I moved in with my boyfriend two months ago and it’s been a shit show. I love this man, I really do, but living with him is just uncomfortable. I wake up in the morning to toothpaste on the mirror from him brushing his teeth. He does this whole thing where he likes to soak dishes instead of scrubbing the damn pan. Sometimes when he shits in the master bathroom, he leaves the door open, so the smell gets into the bedroom.

And before you say it, I’m aware I can just talk to him about this stuff, but I don’t want to be the nagging boyfriend. I feel like I’m telling him not to do something daily. I thought about moving out, but if I do that, I think he will want to break up. What should I do to save my sanity and my relationship?

-Living in Nene’s Ghetto

Dating, friendship

I Slept with My Friend’s Friendsgiving Man and He Ghosted Me

Tavion,

I feel low. My sister has this friend who I’ll call Ari for the sake of this letter. The weekend before Thanksgiving we all went to another friend’s Friendsgiving, and that’s where I met Ari’s new boyfriend. I’ll admit that when I first saw him, I thought he was fine fine. But because he’s Ari man and I thought he was “straight” I just let it go. Unfortunately, the liquor kept flowing that night and this guy kept flirting with me on the low, and I’ll admit I kept flirting with him. Nothing happened that night.

A week after Friendsgiving, I get a new friend and DM on Instagram. This guy sent me the one message telling me it was nice to meet me and that I should add him on Snapchat. Snapchat is where it popped off. The messages we exchanged got flirty again, and that’s when we started sending pics back and forth. Once I saw the meat, I knew I was going to forget about Ari, and that’s what happened. We agreed he’d come over and we had sex. It was good too. At least that’s what I thought.

Since that night we hooked up, I haven’t heard from him. He hasn’t responded to my messages on Snapchat, and the message he sent on Instagram has been removed by him. He ghosted me. Not only do I feel a way about him disappearing on me, but I feel so damn guilty for sleeping with my sister’s friend’s man. Ari is cool, and even though she’s my sister’s bff, I’m friends with her too. I want to tell my sister about what happened and even Ari, because I feel they should know what kind of man this guy is. But I don’t know. What do you think?

-Friendsgiving Mess

The Lifestyle

My Boyfriend Is Mad because I Said No His Marriage Proposal

Dear T,

I find myself in a bad spot with my boyfriend. He surprised me with a proposal a week before Thanksgiving with a ring and everything, but I told him no.  We’ve only been together for a year and I just wasn’t ready. I love him, but I don’t know if I want to spend the rest of my life with him yet.

Anyway, I told him I love him and just needed time, and that I didn’t want to break up. It’s like he didn’t hear anything but me saying no though. Ever since that night, his energy is off and he seems annoyed whenever we’re together. It’s like he’s punishing me. But why would I get engaged to get married if I’m not ready?

So what do I do? How do I get my relationship back on track? By the way, he doesn’t want to talk about the proposal anymore. I tried.

-Not Ready

relationships

I Love My Boyfriend but Where is the Sex? I Miss it!

T,

Straight up, I love sex. Not that I’m having sex with any and everybody because I have a boyfriend. We been together for a little over a year, and when we started out in his thing sex was amazing. I mean some of the best I’ve ever had, and we were having sex like five times a week. But over the past month, I’m lucky if we have sex twice a week, and even then he’s not doing the things he used to do. For real, I’m pissed about it. I tried talking to him about it, but he says he’s just been busy at work. I get work being stressful, but he still has time to take his ass out during Covid to hang with friends. He still goes to the gym, and if he can work out in the gym he can work out with me. I don’t think I’m being selfish, because sex is an important part in our relationship and he knows that. What do you think?

-Sexless in My City

relationships

It’s Been Five Months and I’m Still Upset My Boyfriend Cheated

T,

My boyfriend and I have been best friends since we were 17. We basically grew up together. We didn’t start dating till I was 23 and he was 24. We had the best summer being together right away. Our relationship just made sense. We were so comfortable right away. I’m guessing because we have been friends for so long. We were in love and I knew he was it, like he was the one and he felt the same.

Now the last few years he had problems with pills and decided he wanted to go away and be fully sober, no drinking or anything, which I was all for and wanted to support. We decided to stay together because again he’s my best friend and I wanted to be there for him. Fast forward to now, he’s a year sober and we have some difficulties doing long-distance and for a few months, he was very distant with me. I was heartbroken. I went ahead and visited him, and we spent 2 weeks together and everything went back to normal. We are on very good terms and suppose to be moving in together in a few months.

Last week I busted him and found out he cheated on me with someone for 3 months (the time we were having problems). He told me everything, he was very apologetic and is begging for another chance. I do wanna say he stopped seeing her on his own before I even found out. I asked why, he said he just felt alone, she was just filling up space and she was just there. I don’t know if I should give him another chance.

I love him and we gave a lot of work in this relationship and I know he loves me. Also, he always says I’m the girl he wants to marry we had such big dreams and plans but now I feel very betrayed. I know he went through a lot in a year especially being away from his family and me as well while getting sober so I can see why something like this could happen, but I don’t know how to feel or if should give it another chance. I know he is sorry and for the last 5 months he is always FaceTiming, texting, and watching movies with me on FaceTime so he has been very different before I even found out about it. I’m just scared and not sure what to do or feel.

-Angie

Dating

I Like Him but I Hate the Old Underwear He Wears

Tavion,

Dude I was talking to has been pissed at me for about three days now. Here’s the thing, he’s a great guy that I’m falling for hard. He just has one flaw that I can see right now that drives me up the freakin wall. I hate the underwear he has because they are just so old. Let me be clear, they aren’t dirty underwear with skid marks and things. They are just old. They are fading and some of the elastic is damn near gone. I promise you I’ve seen a hole in a pair or two, which I guess is quick access for me. But the underwear being old is a bit of a turnoff. Then I see his body, and I’m like forget the draws.

Trying to rectify the problem and be honest, I asked him when is the last time he invested in underwear? I even suggested he let me buy him some, which is crazy because he has a good job and could buy his own. He got all offended and thought I was trying to embarrass him. I can’t believe something so stupid as fresh draws caused an issue.

I sent him text messages trying to explain where I was coming from and told him I wasn’t being shady, but I barely got a thumbs up emoji in reply. This is dumb because I don’t think we should be arguing over this, and I won’t apologize because I’m not sorry. What you think?

-Anti Old Draws