The Lifestyle

I Was Trying to Date Him, Not Him and His Crazy Ex

Hey T,

You’ve been my unbiased “go-to” for quite some time. And this newest solicitation for advice won’t be any different. Let me jump right in, as this might turn lengthy.

I have been dating this guy for approximately 3 months, however it seems as if we have known each other much longer. The chemistry, conversation, and connection are purely organic.  We talk for hours on hours (about relevant things). He’s just all around nice guy.  I’ll refer to him as may’bae (potential future bae) going forward.

May’bae has this friend that he has known for quite a while.  The both of them are from the same area and relocated to the immediate area, went to college together, been roommates, and May’bae has taken care of this friend when he was down (after surgery/etc). After close observations (from conversations), I started feeling like the friend was more than a friend or that something had possibly existed between them in years past.  When I inquired he assured me that it was nothing more than a friendship.  I took it for face value, but I still had a very weird feeling about the connection.   I met this friend while I visiting May’bae and the friend was very short and stand-offish with me.  When I asked May’bae about it he said, “Oh that’s just how he is with everybody…”

Fast forward… we have been spending a lot of time together as you do when you’re getting to know someone and this friend apparently feels some type of way about it.  He popped up at May’bae’s place and confronted him about who he’d been spending his time with and asked was it me.  Once confirmed, this sent his friend into a fiery rage. He started making comments like “I thought you and I were going to be together, What does he have that I don’t have?….etc”

He pushes May’bae and a physical altercation ensued.

May’bae calls me crying because he has had a fight with who he thought was simply a friend that he had been helping out/held bake sessions with and just cool with. So anyway, it confirmed my assumptions that the friend indeed had feelings for him.

Being that this is really fresh, I don’t want to automatically penalize May’bae for just being there for a friend (who apparently had secret feelings for him). I don’t believe it’s his fault. The friend has since apologized for “acting out of character” and that May’bae has been a shoulder for him and most recently since he hasn’t been coming around he feels alone and wants to reconcile. I’m struggling with this idea because it sounds like he’s just trying to pull May’bae back into his life.

Perhaps once they sit down and talk he can let him know what it is and what it isn’t.  I liken this entire scenario to dating someone who is still close to an ex (knowing that the ex still has feelings for them).  I truly believe he doesn’t feel the same, but it’s my uncomfortable level of knowing that he’s still will be around someone who is actually in love with him.  Lastly, I don’t want to put him in a predicament to choose between me and his long time friend (who’s now not so “secretly” in love with him after all the tea was spilled).  Could this be a red flag for me or am I digging a little too deep with this?

Thanks,

Confused

*** UPDATE***

May’bae who is now Trash, confessed that he and this friend had been in a relationship for the past 3 years! This would explain why this “friend” was so passionate.  So he basically sold me an entire lie and I bought it. Sadly, my feelings are really hurt, because we talked about the future and etc.  He was a great guy beyond the lies and drama. Things certainly happen for a reason.

-Confused

The Lifestyle

5 Important Takeaways from Black Panther

Marvel’s Black Panther film is hands down one of my favorite movies of all-time.  I know some people will say it’s too early for me to make such a claim, and others may argue I just bought into the hype.  However, I guarantee that it’s not too early and if I bought into the hype, it’s because the movie deserves every bit of it. The Ryan Coogler project is probably one of the only films I’m willing to pay to see in the theater multiple times (I’ve seen it twice already, and really wanting to go see a third soon).   I’ve talked about the movie non-stop since I’ve seen it, and have even pledged my allegiance to Wakanda forever.  With that said, there are five takeaways I got from my new favorite film.

The Lifestyle

Flipping L’s into Lessons

Greetings all. It’s Euphonious K.Z.G. again. This will probably be one of the most intimate and straight from the heart pieces I’ve written to you all thus far. I’ve always come to you all standing in my truths and that is what I’ll continue to do. 2018 came in very hard on me, challenging me and trying to break me in almost every way possible and now it’s February. I have absolutely been hurled right out of the frying pan and into the fire.

The Lifestyle

Another Moment with Euphonious K.Z.G.: A Year to Elevate and Celebrate

Hey everyone. It’s Euphonious K.Z.G. again, and Happy New Year!! *bursts out balloons and confetti*. It’s 2018 and I hope you all are feeling good about this New Year.  If you aren’t, no worries.  There is plenty of time to develop a brighter outlook for the rest of the year. I didn’t start my New Year off on the most exciting note, but it was very insightful. Let me back track a bit for you all.

The Lifestyle

The 2017 Year-End Review: My Lists of Top 5’s

Greetings folks! As one of the last new posts of the year, I wanted to give a year-end review of sorts. When I say review, I mean a “Top 5” list for 2017 of various things in entertainment, politics, and sports. I know some of you will agree and others will argue with my lists; but hey, they’re my lists. Oh and I’ve also included five things I wish would happen in 2018. So enjoy!

The Lifestyle

You’re Not Alone… Everyone Has Flaws and Insecurities

T,

*I apologize for this being lengthy*

How does one deal with feeling less than perfect and cannot accept love, platonic or romantic? I am a thicker black gay man living in the South in his mid-twenties. Currently, I’m transitioning into a period of my life where I do not know what my future living, career, or life situation will be. This freedom of discovery is great, but has revealed my longtime self-doubt.

Let me explain: ever since I was 13, I have been living with mental illnesses, mainly depression and anxiety. Over the years, I have went through bullying and harassment, leading to very traumatic experiences which still haunt me today. Instead of feeling supported, life has taught me that it moves on, no accommodations can be made for you to process it and you just have to get over it.  I’ve tried to commit suicide before, feeling hopeless. While I’m blessed I’m still here, it’s a feeling that doesn’t go away.

I have been told that I have a kind spirit, great personality, and that I am somewhat decent looking. Beauty is what I can see in others, but I can’t accept it myself. My stomach pokes out, my skin full of cuts and bruises, I feel and look ugly, just overall full of imperfections. I overthink everything in life, and especially how I just feel so out of place. I know that my awkwardness is very unappealing to others and I’m self-aware of this, despite everyone around me telling me that I am okay. Dealing with these things, I just know I am not “normal.”  We’ve all heard that typical “What is normal?” speech and we should embrace our differences, but while living with a mental condition, you can’t take that to heart as you are always over-analyzing what makes you different. It’s a constant negative voice in your head that you can’t turn off and it drives you crazy.

You hear of your friends and their fun times, watch them work the room flawlessly. Just being in a big crowd of folks puts my anxiety on 100. Everyone has great sex stories, can pull anyone they want and yet I sit here with a good personality, but a good personality doesn’t get you Jack’d messages. I feel incapable of letting another person love me because I know all my flaws and I don’t want to put that on anyone else; they don’t deserve that stress. I wish everyone the best and I support them because I know rejection like a best friend and I don’t want them to experience that unhappiness. However, my mind won’t accept theirs because as much as I want & need it, I feel like I’m just being a burden to them.

Now my depression has been at an all-time low in the past few years and I’ve gotten back to physically abusing myself. This has really been starting to affect my friendships and potentials from getting to know me. I’m honest in that I’m a mess, and I feel that transparency that turns people away and further paint me as a weak individual. I severely suffer from a lack of confidence and my perfectionist attitude is imploding a path of destruction. I’ m over-drafting my support and love for others with nothing depositing for me. I just want to feel normal, be like everyone else. Is this even possible or just a pipe dream?

-A Wannabe Normal

The Lifestyle

Another Moment with Euphonious K.Z.G.: Gratefulness Day 2017… What a day to remember!!

Blog #3 let’s goooooo! I really wanna talk about my actual gratefulness day with you all because it ended up being AMAZING!! So usually I’m a bit sad on holidays whether it’s from not having a companion to spend the time with cuddling and just loving each other or whether it’s the constant reminder of watching my family drift apart over the years (heartbreaking). This year I actually wasn’t down though. I was pretty content and ready to spend the day to myself, sleeping, video gaming, listening to music, and just being creative.

The Lifestyle

My Boyfriend Wants To Take A Break… What Am I to Do?

Hey T,

I was wondering if you could give me some advice.  So me and my boyfriend have been together since June of this year and last night he told me that he wants a break and that it is not me and that he knows I want to talk but he’s not ready to right now.  I’m completely devastated and heartbroken I don’t even know what to do.  I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM.  A part of me wants revenge, a part of me wants to disappear forever I’m so hurt I don’t know what to do.  If there is anything you can suggest I’m all ears?

-Rashaud