For the past week or so, I’ve been wrestling with this notion on writing another post in reference to the Jussie Smollett incident. You see, I’ve been trying to wait until all the facts presented themselves because I couldn’t imagine someone would carry out such a disgusting hoax. That a person would actually sit down and plan such a poorly thought-out scheme. That a human being of my tribe (both Black and gay) would think it was remotely appropriate to play with real issues of American racism and homophobia, in an effort to further his career and status. And yet sadly, after sifting through reliable news outlets, I’m saddened to conclude that Jussie allegedly lied to the American people.
I’ve been trying to figure out how to address the recent events that took place in Chicago, and I’ve been struggling to filter out my thoughts. Part of my struggle comes from knowing that Jussie is me and I’m Jussie. Strip away his fame and celebrity, and we are both Black Gay men living in the United States. I keep thinking it could have easily been me that was attacked.
Another part of my struggle comes from being angry about the situation, and not knowing how to write about my feelings in a meaningful way. This is a tough topic to navigate. While I’m not sure if I’ve been able to truly sort out of all of my thoughts in a manner that doesn’t sound like word vomit, I’ve managed to write something. So please, bear with me.
Hey there folks. Lately, I’ve felt the need to share some words of encouragement in an effort to help those feeling fatigued by the pursuit of their dreams. I’m a believer that a lot of times in life, we as humans go through situations that really test us and force to either grow or shrink. Looking back on my life, I can recall countless experiences that have helped push me to evolve. But as I’ve gotten older, and I like to think wiser, I’ve realized that the things that have happened to me on my journey in life happened not only for my own benefit of growth, but also to help someone else. That is if I’m willing to open up and transparent (which is definitely not an easy thing to do.)
Hello, Mr. Scott,
“Excuse for all of my last minute gush and lengthy expression”
I have been in a life long battle since I was 9 years old, which I’m 22 years old now where I live in small loop of life is home, school, and church. It’s killing me. It’s about my identity as Demisexual and mundane problems.
To me, demisexual is very unique, not as popular as LGBTA (saying that in humble way), and it fit my whole personality ever since. I am the type of person who love reading books, exploring things with high curiosity, funny, introvert, open minded, bubbly, go getter, be a “fresh air and be an organic food” for people (myself too since we all been through hard life out there), look inside of people’s soul and personality instead of their appearance, which makes extremely hard for me to attract toward woman or man, and get bored easily with things.
I was born and raised in black family who is very strong and strict in Christian who make everything black and white…no gray in between, which I find it funny that I tend to find colors in “between” is almost an answer for everything without conflicts, an answer for people haven’t thought of, and use it to help people to be free. When I first came out to them after graduating college, it took me many years to open myself up and ended up being bashed by them.
At first, they stare at me like I’m an alien or pure confusion and say confusion is from the devil. I ended up destroying myself to see them be happy for me but noticed my health is crashing, my daily drawing for my outlet becoming depressing, very few, or on hold for long time, overthinking is eating me up so much of what to be as “worldly” or “not worldly” in every little things I do and say, which my silence is getting bigger, while my action is getting smaller every day.
I personally hate to be limited or being twisted, yet I’m living under parent’s roof where parent are recently separated. Parents are so into my business and nearly ruin everything I build for my future, even I want my life to be private and be truly me. Still looking for job. So, I never had relationship (I have one but got cheated on, so I’ll say I never had relationship 😂) and it very difficult for me to open up to anyone and about to put my mindset on “business” mode without emotions to get through everything. My goal is to be artist as animator, illustrator, making tv show, entrepreneur, and massage therapist. I feel like I have more than that….I know it is a lot since I love multitasking to keep my mind going and make money overflowing. Again, I apologize for lengthy expression!!
Before I dive deep into this post, let me just mention a few disclaimers. First and foremost, this is not a personal attack on anyone. If anything, I hope to make this a teaching moment, and not a “reading” lesson. Secondly, I’m not professing to be Team Nene, Team Twirl, or any other team affiliated with the show. I have no metaphorical horse in this race. While I admittedly don’t like the consistent actions of a few, my personal feelings for the ladies, or the images they portray, has nothing to do with what I’m about to go into here. And lastly, my words can be applied beyond The Real Housewives of Atlanta franchise, and Bravo TV. So let’s get to it.
You’ve been my unbiased “go-to” for quite some time. And this newest solicitation for advice won’t be any different. Let me jump right in, as this might turn lengthy.
I have been dating this guy for approximately 3 months, however it seems as if we have known each other much longer. The chemistry, conversation, and connection are purely organic. We talk for hours on hours (about relevant things). He’s just all around nice guy. I’ll refer to him as may’bae (potential future bae) going forward.
May’bae has this friend that he has known for quite a while. The both of them are from the same area and relocated to the immediate area, went to college together, been roommates, and May’bae has taken care of this friend when he was down (after surgery/etc). After close observations (from conversations), I started feeling like the friend was more than a friend or that something had possibly existed between them in years past. When I inquired he assured me that it was nothing more than a friendship. I took it for face value, but I still had a very weird feeling about the connection. I met this friend while I visiting May’bae and the friend was very short and stand-offish with me. When I asked May’bae about it he said, “Oh that’s just how he is with everybody…”
Fast forward… we have been spending a lot of time together as you do when you’re getting to know someone and this friend apparently feels some type of way about it. He popped up at May’bae’s place and confronted him about who he’d been spending his time with and asked was it me. Once confirmed, this sent his friend into a fiery rage. He started making comments like “I thought you and I were going to be together, What does he have that I don’t have?….etc”
He pushes May’bae and a physical altercation ensued.
May’bae calls me crying because he has had a fight with who he thought was simply a friend that he had been helping out/held bake sessions with and just cool with. So anyway, it confirmed my assumptions that the friend indeed had feelings for him.
Being that this is really fresh, I don’t want to automatically penalize May’bae for just being there for a friend (who apparently had secret feelings for him). I don’t believe it’s his fault. The friend has since apologized for “acting out of character” and that May’bae has been a shoulder for him and most recently since he hasn’t been coming around he feels alone and wants to reconcile. I’m struggling with this idea because it sounds like he’s just trying to pull May’bae back into his life.
Perhaps once they sit down and talk he can let him know what it is and what it isn’t. I liken this entire scenario to dating someone who is still close to an ex (knowing that the ex still has feelings for them). I truly believe he doesn’t feel the same, but it’s my uncomfortable level of knowing that he’s still will be around someone who is actually in love with him. Lastly, I don’t want to put him in a predicament to choose between me and his long time friend (who’s now not so “secretly” in love with him after all the tea was spilled). Could this be a red flag for me or am I digging a little too deep with this?
May’bae who is now Trash, confessed that he and this friend had been in a relationship for the past 3 years! This would explain why this “friend” was so passionate. So he basically sold me an entire lie and I bought it. Sadly, my feelings are really hurt, because we talked about the future and etc. He was a great guy beyond the lies and drama. Things certainly happen for a reason.
Greetings all. It’s Euphonious K.Z.G. again. This will probably be one of the most intimate and straight from the heart pieces I’ve written to you all thus far. I’ve always come to you all standing in my truths and that is what I’ll continue to do. 2018 came in very hard on me, challenging me and trying to break me in almost every way possible and now it’s February. I have absolutely been hurled right out of the frying pan and into the fire.
Hey everyone. It’s Euphonious K.Z.G. again, and Happy New Year!! *bursts out balloons and confetti*. It’s 2018 and I hope you all are feeling good about this New Year. If you aren’t, no worries. There is plenty of time to develop a brighter outlook for the rest of the year. I didn’t start my New Year off on the most exciting note, but it was very insightful. Let me back track a bit for you all.
Hey folks! I hope everyone is ready to tackle these last days of the year, and walk on into 2018. Personally reflecting on 2017, I have to say it was quite interesting.
*I apologize for this being lengthy*
How does one deal with feeling less than perfect and cannot accept love, platonic or romantic? I am a thicker black gay man living in the South in his mid-twenties. Currently, I’m transitioning into a period of my life where I do not know what my future living, career, or life situation will be. This freedom of discovery is great, but has revealed my longtime self-doubt.
Let me explain: ever since I was 13, I have been living with mental illnesses, mainly depression and anxiety. Over the years, I have went through bullying and harassment, leading to very traumatic experiences which still haunt me today. Instead of feeling supported, life has taught me that it moves on, no accommodations can be made for you to process it and you just have to get over it. I’ve tried to commit suicide before, feeling hopeless. While I’m blessed I’m still here, it’s a feeling that doesn’t go away.
I have been told that I have a kind spirit, great personality, and that I am somewhat decent looking. Beauty is what I can see in others, but I can’t accept it myself. My stomach pokes out, my skin full of cuts and bruises, I feel and look ugly, just overall full of imperfections. I overthink everything in life, and especially how I just feel so out of place. I know that my awkwardness is very unappealing to others and I’m self-aware of this, despite everyone around me telling me that I am okay. Dealing with these things, I just know I am not “normal.” We’ve all heard that typical “What is normal?” speech and we should embrace our differences, but while living with a mental condition, you can’t take that to heart as you are always over-analyzing what makes you different. It’s a constant negative voice in your head that you can’t turn off and it drives you crazy.
You hear of your friends and their fun times, watch them work the room flawlessly. Just being in a big crowd of folks puts my anxiety on 100. Everyone has great sex stories, can pull anyone they want and yet I sit here with a good personality, but a good personality doesn’t get you Jack’d messages. I feel incapable of letting another person love me because I know all my flaws and I don’t want to put that on anyone else; they don’t deserve that stress. I wish everyone the best and I support them because I know rejection like a best friend and I don’t want them to experience that unhappiness. However, my mind won’t accept theirs because as much as I want & need it, I feel like I’m just being a burden to them.
Now my depression has been at an all-time low in the past few years and I’ve gotten back to physically abusing myself. This has really been starting to affect my friendships and potentials from getting to know me. I’m honest in that I’m a mess, and I feel that transparency that turns people away and further paint me as a weak individual. I severely suffer from a lack of confidence and my perfectionist attitude is imploding a path of destruction. I’ m over-drafting my support and love for others with nothing depositing for me. I just want to feel normal, be like everyone else. Is this even possible or just a pipe dream?
-A Wannabe Normal