relationships

We Moved in Together and Now He Tells Me He’s Celibate

Hey T,

I have an interesting situation and I’d love to get your opinion.  My boyfriend and I made a decision early on to move in together.  We were spending all of our time together and both needed to move and it didn’t make sense to pay two separate rents.  This actually isn’t the issue, things are going amazingly and it’s probably one of the best risks I’ve ever taken.  The issue came in because he refuses to be intimate with me.

I noticed right away, and started to worry. After the first week, it happened when he came home from being out late and hasn’t happened since. I was starting to feel insecure like the problem is me, like maybe he wasn’t attracted to me but that’s not the problem. He’s very sweet very affectionate VERY Hands-on and I can clearly see him reacting and that he wants to go further but he always stops.

When I finally asked him about it he said he wants to wait until we have a deeper connection or possibly marriage. Obviously this is something you discuss with someone before getting in a relationship, let alone moving in with them which he didn’t and I’m starting to wonder if it is the fact that he is just more traditional, or am I his beard, or am I overreacting?

He hasn’t given me any reason to doubt him he’s always home after work, surprises me and cooks me dinner everything in our relationship is great communication wise, we actively are engaged in our decision to move in and I am SO very happy except for the lack of sex. He’s aware that I’m bothered that he didn’t discuss the “waiting” and I told him that he took that choice away from me, even if I decided to continue getting to know him I would’ve liked to make that choice on my own. I just pictured this differently and I’m really trying to respect his wishes and give the waiting a chance, but I want to make sure I’m not being blind and stupid. Please help, and please be easy on me lol, thanks.

-TD

relationships

I’ve Put Years into this Relationship, Do I just Walk Away?

Hi T.

I’ve been following your blog for a very long time and have debated for months about sharing my situation with you. Simply because I feel as though I already know what to do but haven’t built the courage as of yet.

Let me get straight to the point though. I’m with a guy that’s 19 years older than me. We’ve been together for 8 years. Our relationship came as a result of his infidelity in a previous 15 year relationship. I love this guy with everything in me. My life and everyday routine revolves around him and our relationship. However, I’m very insecure, as he has cheated on me before (which was most definitely karma) and since finding out, I feel as though his loyalty and honesty towards me and our relationship was just for a time. Though he says he’s not cheating, I’m afraid to trust him although I really want to.

Aside from that, I’m starting to believe that we’re on two different beats and although he claims that he isn’t cheating, I low key think he is. He has called me out for over analyzing but how could I not when the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with has me on edge about our future together?!

All in all, while there is so much more that I can share, I’m just simply afraid of wasting my time after so many years and also missing out on what is supposed to be the golden years of my life. I don’t want to leave him but I’m so insecure about us, that it adds to my already out of control anxiety!

Please share some insight if you can!

Truly yours,

FalseHope92

Dating, relationships

You Fell In Love and He Cheated… How to Move on from an EX

Well this year I’ve been going through a huge transition in life and it’s all after finding out my ex cheated on me for years. Reflecting on my relationship, I did a lot to make it work and sacrificed a lot to make them happy and now seeing my energy and love was taken advantage of to make them feel better, simply sucks.  So I guess my question is “He f$cked you over, now what?

Now life has gotten a lot better for me, confidence risen, job opportunities, genuinely happy. But my hardest struggle is getting passed and over the hurt and pain, and it’s hard not reflect on the past.

-Surprisingly Broken

relationships

My Boyfriend and I Aren’t Having Sex Like We Used To

Tavion,

What are you supposed to do when you’re boyfriend stops touching you like he used to? My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and a half now, and for the past couple of months we haven’t been having sex as regularly as we used to. We don’t live together, but we used to have sex about 4 if not more times a week. Now, we’re at like once a week. I get I may be a tad thicker, like 10 pounds heavier than I used to be when we met, and he’s been busier with his new job, but damn. I asked my best friend his thoughts on the situation, and he put out the idea that my boyfriend could be cheating. My friend is jaded so I’m trying not to take his words to heart. Besides, my boyfriend is a terrible liar so I would know. Interested in hearing your thoughts.

– Le Sigh

relationships

We’re In a Relationship, but He Won’t Introduce Me to His Children

Tavion,

How should I feel that my boyfriend of a year and some change hasn’t introduced me to his kids? To give you some back story, when we first started dating he didn’t tell me right away that he had two kids. About a month into seeing him, he finally told me over dinner that he’s a father. He claimed not to tell me right away because he wanted to see if what we shared was real and headed somewhere. Ironically though, I feel like if we are in a real relationship that he should introduced me to his children. They’re a part of him. They don’t live with him full-time, but he does see them every other weekend and that’s when he keeps me at a distance.  I guess I might understand me not meeting them if they were young, but his kids are 11 and 13, which I think is old enough to meet me. So I really do feel some type of way. Am I wrong here to feel a bit annoyed?

-Lite Brite 93

relationships

I’ve Done Nothing Wrong, Yet My Boyfriend Still Acts Jealous

 T,

I’m having this issue with my boyfriend lately. After about a year hiatus from Instagram, I decided to hop back on it. At first, my boyfriend wasn’t even tripping. But now because I’ve gotten more followers, and this one account that features “sexy thick men” or whatever posted my picture, I’ve gotten a lot of likes and flirtatious comments underneath my pictures. Plus, I received some DMs. Keep in mind, I’ve never responded to the DMs and I don’t do anything more than like the comments. I rarely reply, and if I do it’s nothing more than thanks or thank you.  However, my boyfriend has been acting real jealous and a little bitchy like I’ve done something wrong, like I’ve cheated. I haven’t cheated and I haven’t done anything wrong.  I’m sick of feeling like I’m constantly being punished for nothing.  Heck, he’s had an Instagram for a minute and I ain’t tripping. How would you handle this situation? By the way, love the work you’re doing. Keep it up.

-Back on IG

Dating, relationships

My Standards, My Expectations, and My Inability to Keep a Man

Dear T,

A friend told me about your blog, and since I’ve started reading it, it’s become one of my favorite things. Great job. Anyway, the reason I’m writing is that I’m tired of starting over when it comes to dating. It seems like I meet a guy, we date for maybe a month or two, then we break up or whatever. My sister suggested that I give up too easy or something, but I’m not convinced that’s true. I just don’t think something that’s meant to be in terms of a relationship should be that hard in the beginning. I get I’m a complicated person and I may even demand too much, but I like what I like and I deserve to have a soulmate.  Guess my question to you is, do you think there is something wrong with me? Why can’t I get out of this pattern of dating and breaking up, and get into a lasting relationship?

– I Was Supposed to Be In Love By Now

relationships

My Man is Being a Rock for His Ex, and I Can’t Stand It

Hey Tavion,

I’m having relationship problems, or at least I am. Can’t say my boyfriend sees there is anything wrong. I want you to know I’m a really nice and sympathetic person. I’m not some kind of heartless monster. However, I’m getting sick and tired of my boyfriend of two months catering to his ex.

See my boyfriend’s ex apparently is going through a lot right now. According to the ex, his dad almost died because of diabetes he didn’t know he had. The ex’s dad had been touch and go for a few weeks not sure he would make it, but he turned a corner and is slowly starting to recover. Plus, the ex claims that his sister is in an abusive relationship with the father of her kids. In the midst of all the issues going on in the ex’s life, he has been blowing up my boyfriend needing to talk and someone to lean on.

While I understand my boyfriend and his ex were together for over five years, they’ve been broken up for about a year.  I don’t get why his ex is constantly coming to him when things come up. I feel like the ex is still leaning on my boyfriend like he’s still his man, and that bothers me. I want to say something to my bf, but I don’t want to sound like some selfish nasty person. But the longer I remain quiet, the more I find myself being shady to my boyfriend, causing him to keep asking what’s wrong. I haven’t told him, because I don’t want to sound insensitive and come off uncompassionate. So what do I do? Say something to my boyfriend? Or swallow my feelings and pretend nothing is wrong with me, and have my boyfriend feel my anger boil up? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Thanks,

-Real Deal Jones

friendship, relationships

Should I Tell My Best Friend I’m in Love with Him? Or Should I Check My Feelings?

Hey T!

I’ve been in love with my best friend for most of our friendship, but we’ve never been able to actually have a relationship. We’ve actually been friends since first grade and now we’re both in our 30s. He was the first person I came out to, and even my very first kiss. We’ve messed around before, had threesomes, and even talked about the possibility of us having a relationship, but I don’t understand why we’ve never taken it to the next level.

What makes things worse, he has a tendency to date dudes that are way too similar to me. They’ve even had birthdays, days apart from mine. His boyfriends will either get jealous of our friendship or reach out to me to get advice on dealing with him.

His last two relationships were with two guys we were just supposed to be friends with and then he started dating them behind my back, only for me to find out later and then be forced to deal with the relationship and play the background.

Why does it seem like I’m always the rebound after he breaks up with these similar dudes? Do I need to end this friendship once and for all? Or do I just need to get my feelings in check?

– Dafeon