relationships

My Boyfriend Is Upset because He Wants Marriage and I Don’t

Hi Tavion,

I’m running into a problem with my boyfriend. We aren’t having cheating problems or anything, but he wants marriage and I’m not sure that I do. He and I have been together for four years and I love him so much, but he keeps talking about how he wants to get married. I usually either dodge the topic of conversation when he brings it up, or say stuff like maybe one day.

A few nights we got into an argument because he asked me straight up if I envisioned us getting married or engaged in the next year, and I finally told him straight up I don’t know if marriage is for me. He wasn’t feeling that answer, because he said if we aren’t working toward marriage, then what are we doing? I’m committed to him and all, but I just don’t know if I want to marry him or anybody. Also, I don’t think it’s fair to be pressured into marriage just because my boyfriend wants it.

I’m not sure what to do here. Really don’t want my boyfriend to leave me over this. Your advice is appreciated.

-Not Ready for Marriage

relationships

How Do I Get Over My Husband Cheating on Me?

Hi T,

I just found your website when I’m looking for an answer on forgiveness for my husband. Me and my husband are in a long-distance relationship for more than a year. I’m working in Vietnam right now due to my job requirement. If the corona virus didn’t come, we would see each other in March already.

Since the pandemic exploded, Vietnam has locked down the international airport.  And that is how my marriage is falling apart. My husband recently has a new lesbian friend. At first, I learned that she had problems with her girlfriend, so my husband hung out with her and give her advice. I only knew about her through my husband words, never really seen her face. But this July,  I found her Facebook when I was surfing it…and what happened next ruined my soul completely.

I found her profile’s pics taken with my husband…with status says how much she loves him. Here, you might think that my husband lied about her sexuality, but the truth is she did have a girlfriend, I just can’t be sure if they are still together or not. That day, I felt like I was broken into pieces. I called my husband in the middle of the night, I asked him but he said she just did that to gain her girlfriend’s attention. Like an instinct, I kept asking him if they had sex. He kept saying why do I have to know things that would hurt me. But I said I would leave him if he didn’t tell me the truth and let me find out by myself. He then confessed that they did have sex.

My husband is the only man that I’ve ever loved in my life. I met him when I was 23, he is my first and last (I believed so). I have loved him more and more every single day. I dreamed of us soon having babies. When I knew about the affair. Everything seemed to collapse in front of me. To be honest, I was hurt so badly, the pain is stilling killing every piece of me every single day…but, my husband cried. He told me that at first they was drunk but then, he was just so lonely and they were just friends with benefits.

He said he loves me and he would kill himself if I left him and that I’m his everything. He said people make mistake and he can’t explain why he did what he did, but he never stops loving me. He didn’t want me to find out about the affair that way. He already ended that “fling” a while ago because he couldn’t take the guilty feelings every time he looked at me. That fling just last for 2 months with a few times sex. When I found out, he told that girl to take all the pictures down because that was not their deal and those pics should just be sent to her girlfriend only.

When I wrote this letter to you, I already told my husband that I forgave him. This is all because even when I’m in pain, I rather let myself suffer it alone than keep haunting him for what already done. I love my husband more than the pain that he caused, that’s why I chose to let things go. But what my husband didn’t know is that I still have nightmare every single night and I can’t stop myself from imagining the way he kissed her and the way they had sex. Can you tell me what do I have to do to get over the pain and to get rid of those imaginations? I don’t want my husband to keep punishing himself, I comfort him but I can’t stop myself from being haunted by what he did.

-Amelia

 

relationships

My Boyfriend Lent His Ex Money and I’m Angry about It

Tavion,

My boyfriend really made me pissed off. We’ve been living together for about 1 ½ years and we split the bills down the middle. 2 nights ago he asked me if I wouldn’t mind covering a few of the bills myself because he may come up a little short. I didn’t make a thing of it until he told me the reason he may come up short. He apparently lent his ex-boyfriend $350 so the ex could fix his car because it was apparently an emergency. Can you believe that?

I’ve tried to be as mature as possible about the fact my boyfriend and his ex are friends that still communicate heavy. I didn’t even trip, well too hard, when I threw my boyfriend a little birthday party back in February and the ex was on his list of guests. But now their friendship is affecting our finances, and I’m just over it. I want to cuss my boyfriend out, but I don’t want to sound like the insecure boyfriend. Is there a way to get my point across without causing a big blow up in my relationship?

I’m coming to you because I really like the advice you give.

Thanks in advance

-Mr. P

relationships

I Love My Boyfriend but He Keeps Telling “White Lies”

T,

I love my boyfriend so damn much, but he keeps telling me white lies. I’ll give you an example. One of our mutual friends recently posted a pic of his gym progress on Instagram and my boyfriend liked it. When I was talking to my boyfriend about how good our friend looks, he tells me he didn’t see the picture. I couldn’t figure out why he told that lie.

To give you another example, 2 months ago through random conversation he told me that the car he drives is all paid off. Then a week ago I saw a deal for like a cute vacation and he told me he didn’t have the money for one right now because he had to pay his car note. White lies like this are driving me nuts.

It’s weird because I feel like he’s truthful with the big things, but I have no idea why he tells these white lies. When I confront him on these lies, he always has an excuse, or tells me I misunderstood him. What would you do in my shoes? Keep in mind, everything else in our relationship is really good.

-Just Want the Truth

relationships

My Boyfriend Said He Didn’t Cheat, But Wants an Open Relationship

T,

This is going to sound weird because it is weird. My boyfriend recently came to me and told me he had a confession. I thought he was going to tell me he cheated, but instead, he said he hadn’t cheated but felt like he wanted to cheat. He apparently said he sometimes feels like hooking up with other men, but won’t because he doesn’t want to hurt me. He said he did the right thing by telling me. I’m not sure how he’d think I respond, but I was pissed. He promised he didn’t do anything with anyone and didn’t hit anyone up. Even said I should be thankful he was honest with his feelings. He went onto say, he just wants us to do more to spice things and suggested some kind of open relationship where we get a pass to mess with a stranger every now and then. I just don’t know what to do with this info because I think an open relationship is the first step to us breaking up. Suggestions?

From,

Unchartered Territory

 

relationships

My Boyfriend Flirting on Social Media is Driving Me Nuts

T,

Before I vent, I need you to know I’m not an insecure person. I love myself and know I’m cute. But the problem I’m having is with my boyfriend of 8 months. After hopping off of social media for about 2 months, he recently got back on and it’s annoying me. I don’t care about him liking guys’ posts on Instagram, but all the commenting. It’s like heart eye emojis, or comments talking about looking good. And he doesn’t even know most of these people. He knows I follow some of these people so I’m not sure why he feels so comfortable commenting like this when I can see.  I feel like he’s almost cheating. When I talked about it, he said he was just complimenting guys and doing harmless flirting, but I’m the only one he wants and the flirting means nothing. That still didn’t make me feel that much better. What would you do here? Like am I bugging about nothing?

-Beyond Annoyed

relationships

The Guy in His DM Is Causing Our Relationship Problems

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. We spoke about moving in together this upcoming August. We never had a real argument until last June. He went to a guy’s party (he told me he was going to a party but didn’t tell me who it was). I found out the guy who had the party was a guy who went into my boyfriend’s DM and was flirting with him. I found out who the guy was by snooping. I confronted him and told him I didn’t feel comfortable with him going. Long story short, he still went even though he knew I was uncomfortable. Today 5/19 I found out they are still talking. The guy posted on my bf birthday picture saying he wish he could celebrate with him. Now I feel some type of way that they still talking. I also feed disrespected due to the fact one of our only argument was about this guy and it seems like it doesn’t matter to him.

-Jay

relationships

He Doesn’t Want Our Child, Should I Tell Him to Just Go?

Hi there.

I’m 20 weeks pregnant with a man I’ve known for only 6 months. He doesn’t want the baby but he is trying to be there for me. He’s been by my side since we found out. The only problem is he hasn’t told his family and seems like he wants to keep everything a secret. He has not met my family either because I haven’t met his. And my family wants it to be that way out of respect until I get to meet his family.

He recently told me he told his older sister about the pregnancy. Which is a start… but every day that I am with him he tells me he still can’t believe I put him in this situation.. and he had no choice. Today I finally told him he does not have to be here for me anymore and that I can do it on my own.. knowing his heart is not in it. He’s upset that I made my own decisions and also upset that I can drop everything like that, but how can I stay with someone whose heart and mind is somewhere else.. I rather have him live his life and never look back because it was my decision and my fault for making my own choices. I don’t want it to be forced love either.. He also can’t let go of his ex-girlfriend. I found a photo of her in his wallet. I don’t want him being unhappy with me and playing house with me because he feels bad or feels like he has to be here. I rather set him free and let him live his life with someone he truly wants to be with. I don’t know if I’m making the wrong choice but I also told him I will always be here.. I’m not going anywhere but maybe it’s best for the both of us to go our separate ways.

Knowing it’s 1 sided, I know he cares for me and he does tell me it’s up to me and that I’m pushing him away, but I’m truly not because I know deep down inside this isn’t what he wants. He’s a man with pride and feels like he should be here for me. But I don’t want any fake love, I rather be alone and do things alone then make him feel like I have a hold on him. He’s in pain and is confused and I am thinking about his feelings. And maybe he is just scared to actually make that step to leave or move on because he feels scared to leave us behind. But knows he wants to. He told me he’s thought about it. I decided to save both of us and tell him its ok we can both go on with our lives and I will not bother him anymore. For him to focus on himself only, and this could be a new start for the both of us. I am dying inside but I can’t hurt and force someone to be part of something they never wanted to be part of.

Am I being smart or selfish? I have no idea. I just feel like a horrible person who ruined his life. I am also thinking about myself, I want to adjust being alone and prepare myself for the future and for my baby. Because at the end of the day you only got yourself. So please help me. I’m sorry that was a long read… thank you for your time.

-Azaria

relationships

My Boyfriend Said He’ll Resent Me If I Don’t Get an Abortion

T,

I need advice more than I can express. I have been in a relationship with this guy for about a year and a half. For most of that time he was going through separation from his baby mama,  I am a mom of two children a 9 year old and a 3 year old and he has a two year old. We have been through a lot together including an abortion of a child neither of us could have at the time because he was still living with his baby mama as she still had not found a place to move. After she moved we became official. It’s been great until I found out I was pregnant again. I went on birth control but I still ended up pregnant. He doesn’t want it but I can’t and won’t have another abortion. Its too much emotional turmoil. He says he will resent me if I have it but will be there for me because it is his responsibility. A part of me thinks he is scared of all the unknowns, all the changes and responsibility that come with a child but another part of me now wonders if he truly even saw a future with me? I don’t know what to do. Should I follow my heart keep the baby and move in with him?

-Mila

relationships

He Confessed to Cheating but Lied in His Confession… Should I Take Him Back?

T,

I am having quite a bit of trouble figuring out what to do. I have been dating my serious boyfriend for six years now. About a year ago, he left for an internship at Disney where he would be gone for nearly eight months working and living in Florida (we live in Illinois). I went to visit him during his program and when I left, he only had about a month and a half left of his internship.

Within that month he got close to a girl he met at the beginning of his program and cheated on me with her. They had sex, decided it was a mistake, then had sex again. After their second time, he finally said no more to having sex, however, the two continued to hang out, cuddle, kiss, and say I love you.

When he came home, they officially ended things between each other. I found out a few weeks after he came home, or so I thought. When he finally “came clean,” he actually told me that his cheating only involved one drunken make-out session. Even though I was hurt, I decided to believe him and stay with him. Five months later, I find out the whole truth because I remembered a small detail that I had brushed off before, not thinking my boyfriend, of five years at the time, would cheat on me. He finally came completely clean.

I truly do believe that he is telling me the entire truth now and that he truly regrets what he did while in Florida; however, I am still finding it really hard to trust him. No matter how much I want to still be with him and think that we can work through things, I am constantly picturing him with the girl and picturing him cheating on me. I just don’t know if our past, our love, and our good times can truly overcome the constant thought of what he did.

-Kris