relationships

My Boyfriend Said He Didn’t Cheat, But Wants an Open Relationship

T,

This is going to sound weird because it is weird. My boyfriend recently came to me and told me he had a confession. I thought he was going to tell me he cheated, but instead, he said he hadn’t cheated but felt like he wanted to cheat. He apparently said he sometimes feels like hooking up with other men, but won’t because he doesn’t want to hurt me. He said he did the right thing by telling me. I’m not sure how he’d think I respond, but I was pissed. He promised he didn’t do anything with anyone and didn’t hit anyone up. Even said I should be thankful he was honest with his feelings. He went onto say, he just wants us to do more to spice things and suggested some kind of open relationship where we get a pass to mess with a stranger every now and then. I just don’t know what to do with this info because I think an open relationship is the first step to us breaking up. Suggestions?

From,

Unchartered Territory

 

relationships

My Boyfriend Flirting on Social Media is Driving Me Nuts

T,

Before I vent, I need you to know I’m not an insecure person. I love myself and know I’m cute. But the problem I’m having is with my boyfriend of 8 months. After hopping off of social media for about 2 months, he recently got back on and it’s annoying me. I don’t care about him liking guys’ posts on Instagram, but all the commenting. It’s like heart eye emojis, or comments talking about looking good. And he doesn’t even know most of these people. He knows I follow some of these people so I’m not sure why he feels so comfortable commenting like this when I can see.  I feel like he’s almost cheating. When I talked about it, he said he was just complimenting guys and doing harmless flirting, but I’m the only one he wants and the flirting means nothing. That still didn’t make me feel that much better. What would you do here? Like am I bugging about nothing?

-Beyond Annoyed

relationships

The Guy in His DM Is Causing Our Relationship Problems

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. We spoke about moving in together this upcoming August. We never had a real argument until last June. He went to a guy’s party (he told me he was going to a party but didn’t tell me who it was). I found out the guy who had the party was a guy who went into my boyfriend’s DM and was flirting with him. I found out who the guy was by snooping. I confronted him and told him I didn’t feel comfortable with him going. Long story short, he still went even though he knew I was uncomfortable. Today 5/19 I found out they are still talking. The guy posted on my bf birthday picture saying he wish he could celebrate with him. Now I feel some type of way that they still talking. I also feed disrespected due to the fact one of our only argument was about this guy and it seems like it doesn’t matter to him.

-Jay

relationships

He Doesn’t Want Our Child, Should I Tell Him to Just Go?

Hi there.

I’m 20 weeks pregnant with a man I’ve known for only 6 months. He doesn’t want the baby but he is trying to be there for me. He’s been by my side since we found out. The only problem is he hasn’t told his family and seems like he wants to keep everything a secret. He has not met my family either because I haven’t met his. And my family wants it to be that way out of respect until I get to meet his family.

He recently told me he told his older sister about the pregnancy. Which is a start… but every day that I am with him he tells me he still can’t believe I put him in this situation.. and he had no choice. Today I finally told him he does not have to be here for me anymore and that I can do it on my own.. knowing his heart is not in it. He’s upset that I made my own decisions and also upset that I can drop everything like that, but how can I stay with someone whose heart and mind is somewhere else.. I rather have him live his life and never look back because it was my decision and my fault for making my own choices. I don’t want it to be forced love either.. He also can’t let go of his ex-girlfriend. I found a photo of her in his wallet. I don’t want him being unhappy with me and playing house with me because he feels bad or feels like he has to be here. I rather set him free and let him live his life with someone he truly wants to be with. I don’t know if I’m making the wrong choice but I also told him I will always be here.. I’m not going anywhere but maybe it’s best for the both of us to go our separate ways.

Knowing it’s 1 sided, I know he cares for me and he does tell me it’s up to me and that I’m pushing him away, but I’m truly not because I know deep down inside this isn’t what he wants. He’s a man with pride and feels like he should be here for me. But I don’t want any fake love, I rather be alone and do things alone then make him feel like I have a hold on him. He’s in pain and is confused and I am thinking about his feelings. And maybe he is just scared to actually make that step to leave or move on because he feels scared to leave us behind. But knows he wants to. He told me he’s thought about it. I decided to save both of us and tell him its ok we can both go on with our lives and I will not bother him anymore. For him to focus on himself only, and this could be a new start for the both of us. I am dying inside but I can’t hurt and force someone to be part of something they never wanted to be part of.

Am I being smart or selfish? I have no idea. I just feel like a horrible person who ruined his life. I am also thinking about myself, I want to adjust being alone and prepare myself for the future and for my baby. Because at the end of the day you only got yourself. So please help me. I’m sorry that was a long read… thank you for your time.

-Azaria

relationships

My Boyfriend Said He’ll Resent Me If I Don’t Get an Abortion

T,

I need advice more than I can express. I have been in a relationship with this guy for about a year and a half. For most of that time he was going through separation from his baby mama,  I am a mom of two children a 9 year old and a 3 year old and he has a two year old. We have been through a lot together including an abortion of a child neither of us could have at the time because he was still living with his baby mama as she still had not found a place to move. After she moved we became official. It’s been great until I found out I was pregnant again. I went on birth control but I still ended up pregnant. He doesn’t want it but I can’t and won’t have another abortion. Its too much emotional turmoil. He says he will resent me if I have it but will be there for me because it is his responsibility. A part of me thinks he is scared of all the unknowns, all the changes and responsibility that come with a child but another part of me now wonders if he truly even saw a future with me? I don’t know what to do. Should I follow my heart keep the baby and move in with him?

-Mila

relationships

He Confessed to Cheating but Lied in His Confession… Should I Take Him Back?

T,

I am having quite a bit of trouble figuring out what to do. I have been dating my serious boyfriend for six years now. About a year ago, he left for an internship at Disney where he would be gone for nearly eight months working and living in Florida (we live in Illinois). I went to visit him during his program and when I left, he only had about a month and a half left of his internship.

Within that month he got close to a girl he met at the beginning of his program and cheated on me with her. They had sex, decided it was a mistake, then had sex again. After their second time, he finally said no more to having sex, however, the two continued to hang out, cuddle, kiss, and say I love you.

When he came home, they officially ended things between each other. I found out a few weeks after he came home, or so I thought. When he finally “came clean,” he actually told me that his cheating only involved one drunken make-out session. Even though I was hurt, I decided to believe him and stay with him. Five months later, I find out the whole truth because I remembered a small detail that I had brushed off before, not thinking my boyfriend, of five years at the time, would cheat on me. He finally came completely clean.

I truly do believe that he is telling me the entire truth now and that he truly regrets what he did while in Florida; however, I am still finding it really hard to trust him. No matter how much I want to still be with him and think that we can work through things, I am constantly picturing him with the girl and picturing him cheating on me. I just don’t know if our past, our love, and our good times can truly overcome the constant thought of what he did.

-Kris

relationships

I Found Out My Boyfriend Slept with His Friend… I Hate It

Tavion,

A friend of mine suggested I come here after you helped her out with her problem. I recently found out that my boyfriend has been having me out here looking stupid. Apparently when he’s had me hanging around his group of friends, he’s been having me hang around someone he used to smash. My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months, and I just found out he and one of his friends used to smash. What’s even sadder is I found out a week ago at a kickback when another one their friends mentioned something while playing Never Have I Ever.

I kept a straight face at the kickback, but when my boyfriend and I got in the car I ripped into him. I just felt stupid. He said he didn’t think it was a big deal because it was a long time ago, and is not interested in his friend. But I feel a way. He’s since apologized, but I’m still pissed. I don’t want to bring up again, but I really want to bring it up again. What do you think?

-Man on Fire

Dating, relationships

I Landed My Gym Crush, and Now I’m a Little Disappointed

T,

What do you do when you finally land your crush and it’s not what you thought it would be? Getting straight to the point, before this whole corona thing popped off, I had a crush on this guy who I’m now dating. For about three months, I would see him at the gym when I went and would find myself so damn thirsty. He has body. So towards the end of January, I finally listened to my friends and spoke with him. And from then on, I got to know more about him and found he was cool. We’ve been dating, have some amazing sex, but there’s an issue with our conversations. I feel like our conversations aren’t great.

We talk about working out, sports, and Marvel movies a lot. Initially that was cool, but when I want to talk politics, or Bravo shows, or cultural issues, or other types of movies, our conversations are a little blah. And maybe because all this quarantining has us spending more and more time together, but I’m a little bothered by our limited talks. Not sure if I’m making a big deal out of nothing or if I was a bit shallow in trying to date him. Not sure if there is a question in there, but I’m sure you can find it.

From,
Blinded by the Muscles

friendship, relationships

I Can’t Stand My Friend’s Boyfriend… He’s Controlling

T,

Point blank, I’m not a fan of my friend’s boyfriend. I feel like this old man kinda controls my friend, he’s 34 and she’s 23. Take for example the fact he tried to check her once about her hair. Apparently, he’s not a fan of braids, and let it be known by telling her that braids didn’t look nice on her and she shouldn’t get them anymore. Plus, she pays for almost everything in the relationship. Oh and since she started seeing this guy, she hates going to the club.

I know I shouldn’t get in the middle of someone’s relationship, but I felt I had to. I told her as nicely as I could to stop letting him control her, and she says he’s not. I didn’t want to push too hard because I’m nervous she would try to bail on me, but I want my friend back. What should I do here?

          King Kunta

relationships

I Cheated on My Long-Distance Boyfriend, How Do I Get Him Back?

Dear T,

I did something I regret, and I want to fix it. I am in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend of 8 months. However, I kinda hurt him when I hooked up with one of his friends. I did not mean to. It was in the heat of the moment because this friend is mutual. I told him about it because we are the type to be honest with each other. I feel rotten and I don’t deserve him or to be loved. We are on a break now so he can sort himself out. I want to change. I cry every day and I miss him so much. I want to clean up myself and show him that I am sorry. I just do not know what to do, but know it’s his decision this time. How do I go about this?

-Emotional