I’ve been in love with my best friend for most of our friendship, but we’ve never been able to actually have a relationship. We’ve actually been friends since first grade and now we’re both in our 30s. He was the first person I came out to, and even my very first kiss. We’ve messed around before, had threesomes, and even talked about the possibility of us having a relationship, but I don’t understand why we’ve never taken it to the next level.
What makes things worse, he has a tendency to date dudes that are way too similar to me. They’ve even had birthdays, days apart from mine. His boyfriends will either get jealous of our friendship or reach out to me to get advice on dealing with him.
His last two relationships were with two guys we were just supposed to be friends with and then he started dating them behind my back, only for me to find out later and then be forced to deal with the relationship and play the background.
Why does it seem like I’m always the rebound after he breaks up with these similar dudes? Do I need to end this friendship once and for all? Or do I just need to get my feelings in check?
My sister actually told me about your site so I decided to check it out, and based on what I read I think you may be able to give me some assistance. Basically, I found out that a guy I like and I’m talking to has also been talking to one of my friends at the same time. I really feel some type of way about him trying to get with me and someone I know. To add, I know the two of us aren’t committed to each other yet, but I hadn’t really been talking to other people, so I’m shocked he has been. In dude’s defense, I’m like 90% sure he doesn’t know me and my friend actually know each other, but I still feel some type of way. I’ve been acting funny with guy over the past couple days and he noticed. He asked me what’s up, and I told him I’ve been busy with work because I’m not sure what to do. My friend and I talked about the guy, and he told me he’s talking to a few guys and if I liked this one, he’ll back off. Honestly, I just don’t know what to do here. Your advice would be appreciated.
-Not Good in Triangles
This site you have is pretty amazing. I’m mad I literally just found it. Good stuff. Anyway, let’s see if you can help me out here. I’m so sick and tired of one of my best friends lately. He’s been seeing his boyfriend or whatever for about a month now, and I know it’s been that long because I’ve seen his boyfriend for that long. Not that I’m dating his boyfriend or anything, but every time I hang out with my friend these days he has to bring his boyfriend around. If I hit my friend to go out for drinks, he brings his boyfriend. If I hit him to go to a house party, he brings his boyfriend. If I call him to go out to eat, he’s asking if he can bring his man. It’s like damn, can I just hang with my friend by himself. I want to talk to my friend about it, but I’m pretty sure he’s going to blow it up into a big thing, and I don’t want to get into it. What do you think?
-Not Jealous But Annoyed
The problem I’m having lately is with my best friend and the guy he’s been dating. See my best friend is one of the sweetest guys in the world. He’ll do anything for you, is always there when you need him, and always tries to see the good in people. Me on the other hand, I’m not so trusting of people, and I’m definitely not so trusting of my friend’s man. My gut tells me this guy is using my friend. From what my friend tells me, every time he and this guy go out, my friend always pays. The guy doesn’t even offer. I also found out that my friend recently paid for this guy’s phone bill. I want to scream to my friend he’s being stupid and probably being used because he has some money, but my friend can be sensitive sometimes. Last time I tried to tell him about a man he was seeing, he got upset and we didn’t speak for a few days. Keep in mind that I was actually right. How do I handle this situation this go around?
What would you do if you were me? I’m having a hard time getting my friends, my sister, and my cousin to like my boyfriend. No matter what I do, they act like they can’t give him a break, and he’s done nothing to them. They are always cordial to him or whatever, minus my sister, but anytime we all hang out you can tell there is tension in the air. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even bring him around when I’m with them and vice versa, and that’s no way to live. I want everybody to accept my baby and love him like I do. Or at least be happy I’ve found a good man.
If you’re thinking he’s done something to my friends and family, you’re wrong. He hasn’t done a thing to them. Directly anyway. My boyfriend cheated on me twice and my crew supported me through it each time. When I told them he changed when he and I got back together this last time, they didn’t buy it. So again, what would you do if you were me?
Hey Mr T,
I love your blog. The advice is always awesome. But I am currently talking to someone but I am in love with my best friend who is also currently talking to someone. I want to tell him how I feel but I don’t want to mess up a great friendship or make things awkward between us. We talk everyday all day. We take trips together. Do things together all the time. I just don’t know what to do because I’m in love with him but vibing with someone else. What should I do?
A lost love
It’s my first time with this so I’m hoping the advice you give will really help me out here. I’m stuck between trying to be a good friend and trying to pursue my man. Or at least I want him to be my man. Long story short, friend and I go to bar for happy hour. While there, we both meet this guy at the same time. My friend and I both find him attractive, but since I’m shy and my friend is not, he winds up making play for the guy and getting his number. While my friend’s personality is definitely bigger than mine, the guy and I clicked. Yet again, my friend got his number. When I got home later that same night, the guy sends me a friend request and DM. From that initial DM, the guy and I exchanged numbers, and have been talking nonstop for about a week and some change.
I recently told this guy, that he can’t try talking to me and talking to my friend at the same time. He assures me that he hasn’t been talking to my friend like that, but my friend keeps hitting him up. The guy showed me the text messages and it’s clear that he’s been trying to distance himself from my friend, but my friend is still in pursuit. When I asked my friend if he still talks to the guy from the bar, he says yes. But again, I know the guy is not that into him and I’ve seen it for myself.
My question for you is, what do I do? I really do like this guy and we really just vibe. On the other hand, I have my friend who I’m not trying to hurt.
The Boy Is Mine
I’m in a bit of a situation, and it’s not a good one. I’ll try to keep this short and to the point. So about 3 months ago, me and my friend went to a house party and I met this guy I’ll call Mark. Mark and I were really vibing with each other, but at the time I was in a relationship. Because I was committed to my ex, but thought Mark was a good guy, I introduced him to my friend. Since that night, the two have been talking and went on dates, but aren’t in a relationship. My friend says he likes Mark, but isn’t sure he wants to be tied down to one person. Heck, he dates Mark and two other people right now.
The dilemma is, Mark and I have been texting since we met. Our conversations weren’t romantic or anything at first, because again I was boo’d up and I introduced him to my friend. We would talk about sports, shows, and life in general. However, in the back of my mind I still felt drawn to him, and I’m pretty sure the attraction is mutual. Since I’ve broken up with my ex about a month ago, Mark and I have been flirting. Trust me I know it’s bad because Mark is talking to my friend. Well what’s even worse, is that I’m tired of sneaking behind friend’s back, and I’m tired of not being able to act on my attraction. I want to be with Mark. With all that said, I’m not sure how to handle this problem. Hopefully, you can help.
As I get older and wiser, I’ve come to realize that my dad taught me one of the most valuable lessons in life. Even though he wasn’t really around when I was growing up, and we aren’t particularly close, he actually passed on some words of wisdom to me that I haven’t forgotten and stand by daily. About twelve years ago or so, my dad told me, “you may think you have a lot of friends now, but in life you really only have a few friends, and many associates.” Now if you swap out “associates” for “acquaintances”, this one quote should stir something in your spirit. And if doesn’t, perhaps you just haven’t reached a place in life when you’ve been hurt by enough people or seen enough things. But either way, my father had and has an amazing point.
I noticed you give legit advice, so I guess I’m trying this thing out. I’m having a roommate situation. I guess it’s really more of a friend situation. So for the past two months I’ve been letting a close friend stay with me, and I’m kind of tire of having him around. He relocated to my city because he needed a fresh start, but he hasn’t found a job yet. Which means he’s been here rent free. I don’t think I would care so much if he weren’t eating all my food and inviting himself to come with me every time I leave the house. I have to be comfortable when I come home. Basically, how do I put my friend out of my house without losing him in my life?
Thanks for whatever advice you give,